Posts by oldcrowwoman

8

WHATS THE REASON? the PART TWO

by elumn8_2 in

jw
friends

start of part two!!.

disfellowshipping happens a lot and for many different reasons why.

lets say you were smoking, this is a habbit that is not too easy to treat.

oldcrowwoman

welcome elumn8-2

I understand that you are new here. Its a good place to connect in receiving support in what ever issues you are dealing with. Many resources to plug into. I encourage you in taking care of your self.

I don't respond to scriptual matters. I do on human matters. I get the sense that you are a young man.

I need to address some issues here. Regarding Gay people. I don't know where you received information regarding gay people. Who ever is mis-informed.

I am a Lesbian. I grew up with a mother and father.I was'nt in the girl scouts or the homemakers club. I wanted to be involve in the future farmers of america. No cigar for a girl. I did'nt just acquire being gay. I was born to be gay. Like you are born a hetrosexual. Took me 39 yrs later for me to figure it out. If you like you can read my postings regarding homosexuality.

I am a recoverying alcoholic 19 yrs and smoke free 5 yrs. Survivor of abuses and my children too.

I was pushed out of the org. dealing with domestic abuse shortly DA'ed self.

Being disfellowship or DA'ed is unloving act towards others, dealing with the shunning. Is not something a god would want people to endure. Its totally wrong!!!

I wish you well on your journey.

All the Best, OCW

62

Would you change user name?

by JH in

jw
friends

.

if you had to choose another user name, what would you choose?.

oldcrowwoman

I am known in many circles as oldcrowwoman. She's a part of me as to who I am

Some are uncomfortable as to "old" thats okay. I don't have a proplem with it .

But I will keep her.

OCW

6

Hiding your past

by JH in

jw
friends

.

when you make new friends, do you tell them that you already belonged to the jehovah witnesses or do you rather keep that secret?.

are you afraid that they would treat you as a nut, if you admit that belonged to that religion?.

oldcrowwoman

JH I appreciate your one liners. Its a way of planting seeds for others to expound on the question. I see it as a way to pull threads from the past.

No I have'nt hidden my past as being a jw. For the most part when making the statement of being a exjw .to others. The response is surprised that I was involved. And its out of character for me. I pride on being different anyway. So it adds character

Its interesting over the years sharing my connection and my experiences with the org. They express their outrage and anger with the ill treatment of shunning. So I have planted seeds in the process. So they are equipped to respond when jw's come to their door!! Am I a apostate??

JH keep up the one liners!!!

OCW

15

lonliness, doormats and making friends

by SpiceItUp in

jw
friends

had a conversation today about how when people leave the dubs, or make any other major life decisions, that you end up being lonely.

all your "friends that you used to have are no longer there and you have to start afresh.

i remember when i was younger, right when i quit the meetings, i would do anything just to make people like me.

oldcrowwoman

Thank you SpiceItUp. I appreciated what you had to say. I could probably say great many of us on this site. Have walked in the wilderness many times during our life time. I can speak for myself.

And experienced the lonliness and isolation. Having come from a dysfunctional family. Enter a dysfunctional marriage and Got myself sucked into a dysfunctional org. I did'nt learn any better. Not having the tools to recognize abuses .The thought was everybody lived this way. Total mind bender!!!

My reality was fairly narrow minded. And the dark place within myself was very painful feeling the isolation and the lonliness. Being that door mat and having lack of self esteem and self-worth.

I am grateful for having been pushed out of the org. Feeling like I just got out of prison. There's the whole wide world and feeling like this little speck in the scheme of things. Getting myself off alcohol. Many times sitting in the bar, and saying to myself there has to be more to life than this sitting here drinking day after day.

The gift in going into treatment and having many teachers helped me to walk through the wilderness. To see their is more to life.

Huge part of my recovery was support from groups over the years. In helping me to deprogram from the org. It was 5 yrs after being out of the org. I could admit to myself and to say out loud that jw's are a cult. Boy denial works in wonderous ways. And we are giving only what we can handle.

Learning ways to be in relationships and to figure out what I want in a relationship , What is healthy and what is'nt. Learning the difference. Trust is a huge issue for me. Trust is not a given but earned. Its a on going process.

Today I can feel okay being alone. But when lonliness comes into play it usually has to do with some part of self that I am feeling uncomfortable. To search for that middle ground. I do know it is'nt about me being joined at the hip with someone . I can be with some one and still feel lonely. There's that empty hole in my gut. That needs filling.

My life is a onion constantly revealing layers of that onion. Some layers are less painful than others.

I am a introvert . As a introvert I push myself to be out there to test the waters. And takes me more energy to move out. I can say I am okay in being quiet and reserved. We all are individuals.

I am grateful to be here and the forum opens many doors to recovery . For me its a matter being open. Take what I want and leave the rest that does'nt fit for me.

Thank you. OCW

26

How Many Here Changed Their Personality After Leaving The Witnesses?

by minimus in

jw
friends

are you still the same basic person that you were when you were a witness.

if you were idealstic, then, are you still now?

if you were a pessimist, are you an optimist, now?

oldcrowwoman

my personality has'nt changed but my behaviors have changed and continue working on changes.

OCW

21

Guys, be honest - does your woman make more $$ than you do?

by DanTheMan in

jw
friends

if so, does it affect your relationship?

is it hard to deal with?

i think that this is becoming a more common scenario in american society.

oldcrowwoman

Yup! I sure do!!!

12

were did church steeples come from?

by kls in

this always grossed me out in the org.

do any of you remember being told the steeple on a church is a represenative of a mans penis?

some sort of pagan symble.is there any proof of this or is the org.making this up to denounce churches.

oldcrowwoman

I learned from the WT they penises.

everytime I was with anybody in the car I would tell them the story. The churches needed huge condoms.

Sure made sense to me. The god of fertility!

OCW

21

Spring 2003

by RAYZORBLADE in

jw
friends

for those of you residing in the northern hemisphere, there's nothing more satisfying than the onset of spring.

this a.m., after working a long shift at work, i arrive home after 5 a.m., and it's pleasantly mild (i live in toronto) and the sky is partly cloudy.

the moon is no longer full, but still very bright.

oldcrowwoman

Hi Ray with spring fever and all!!!

Yeah I love spring. After being in the frozen trandra in Minnesota. Spring is a little fickle here. One day it can be 88 and 3 days later the temp drops down the 25. And snow. Now its in the 50"s with rain.

But it don't stop me with the spring fever. Grass is starting grow and turn green. The trees are budding out.

Ma and Pa duck stop in every spring the last couple of years. To feed on the bird seed that I have out for the critters in the neighborhood.. I always glad to see them. And the birds are mating.

And me picking up supplies for 3x6 garden that outside of my apt. buliding. Love playing in the dirt!! So I have bad with the fever.

OCW

32

Were You AFRAID Of The Elders???

by minimus in

jw
friends

since the elders are always spoken of as being "a refreshment for your souls" and "loving shepherds", did you ever find yourself afraid of them?

oldcrowwoman

No. One and only time I met with the judical committee beacuse my husband told them I wanted a divorce. I took a huge risk and thinking I would receive support for Domestic Abuse and figure out how my children and I could be safe. I thought they were arrogant and self-righteous. And matter-of-factly that this kind of behavior is normal. This was back in 1983.

There were 7 elders most were in their 40"s. Except one was in his late 60' or 70's.

I found out later that the older elder believed me. How manipulative my ex=husband was and trying rally others to be one his side. The rest of the elders could'nt see it. Too bad this elder did'nt speak up at the meeting. At least I knew someone believed me.

I would have never thought the older elder would be aware of human dynamics. Shows you can't judge a book by its cover.!!

I can say the 14 yrs of being in the org. I was'nt fearful of their position.

Thank you Minimus for putting these threads out. Its a way for me to articulate my life with my experiences and to post. Like putting it out to the universe to let go. And to be around others who have experienced similar circumstances and understand.

Like the other day their was a question about going out in service. I would pray that nobody was home!! I thought I was the only one and felt like a hypocrit. I hear others who experienced the same.Amazing!!

So thanks! OCW

34

Apart form the JW's, has any other cult ever tried to recruit you?

by In_between_days in

jw
friends

what are your experiences in being a target for fresh meat in a cult?

have any other cult members besides dubs ever tried to recruit you?

i was sucked in once, while i was working at my store that i managed years ago a middle aged man in a suit bought an outfit from me.

oldcrowwoman

In 1990 my daughter left home 18 yrs old. By her leaving the nest our relationship was cut off because of me being DA'ed.

I was in alot of pain with the shunning practises. Their was a ad in a local paper a support group for Jehovah Witnesses. I checked the group out. It turned out it was mixed with others like the Church of Christ and a couple and myself as ex-jws. A very sacrey experience they were feeding on our vulnerabilities of losses.

They show a film on cults in the world. I was uncomfortable with it and seeing other people in the group not moving and being totally glued to the video. Felt like something sublimnal(sp) was going on. And their were people in other room with bibles. The red flags were flying.

The leader approached me afterwards asked about my daughter and deprograming her. Fortunately I had the guts to ask. What are you going to deprogram her to? The guy refused to answer and walked away. I went into a panic and for a moment I could'nt see any doors to get out. Absolute terror.

I told the jw couple to take care of themselves and got the hell out of their. I was paranoid for weeks for fear of my children.

I tryed to report this group to various authorities. Dead end.

Well just recently a co-worker left her religious cult. Wanting to connect for support. She was told of a group. I told her I would check the group out for her. Well I had been there and done that before. I decided to check them out again and ask more questions of the org. and took a advocate with me as a sounding board. She was neutral on these matters.

I quized the leader. What org. are they ? What was their qualifications in working with others ? How they deprogram? What do they deprogram to? None of the questions were straight forward in answering. My asking the leader ?'s. He would 'nt make eye contact with me. Only to my advocate. I kept repeating ?'s. There was no way I was going to send my co-worker into this group.

My advocate validated my feelings. To get the hell out of dodge!!

I was recommended to connect with the Director of Counseling who specializes in cults. Shared my story. The org. is protected by the law. So their was'nt a way to have them checked out. Only reporting if their was sexual or physical abuse. The two leaders qualifications one has a degree in psycology business and the other was a co-leader AA group for prisoners!! The red flags flying high.

The Director supported me with my feelings of not engaging with them. To let go. It was hard at first because I wanted to be this warrior woman on a horse saving others to experience these abuses.

Fortunately I had experiences with support groups over the years. Knowing this was not a support group. To pay attention to my gut. Usually does'nt steer me wrong. Something I gained from being in therapy.

OCW