a few weeks ago i was working out of my home state and was in a grocery store parking lot when i received my first jw witness since leaving jwdom.
a youngish-looking lady was sitting in an suv parked next to my car and i was about to get in my car to leave.
she opened the door and asked whether she could give me something to read (had a tract in her hand)..
Fred Franz was a nut, but at least his ideas were interesting and had a creative shred of plausibility.
The modern GB's ideas such as the "overlapping generation" are just silly nonsense. How can you have an intelligent, meaningful conversation about goofy ideas that are incoherent? You can't.
Let's just do the happy dance and pretend we have "the Truth!"
a few weeks ago i was working out of my home state and was in a grocery store parking lot when i received my first jw witness since leaving jwdom.
a youngish-looking lady was sitting in an suv parked next to my car and i was about to get in my car to leave.
she opened the door and asked whether she could give me something to read (had a tract in her hand)..
I believe that in a few more years even GB members won’t be familiar with the old JWdom. JWdom is in a transitional phase in that area, also. I bet Mark Sanderson knows less actual JW history than a lot of us do. The current GB members (GB 2.0) know less about old JWdom than GB 1.0, and GB 3.0 will know very little.
I suspect this is already the case. How would Sanderson know all about the looney ideas of Russell, Rutherford or Fred Franz?
it's finally finished!
it's a fictional story about an old jw.
it is very long, about 7000 words.. the opal ring.
Julia aka Sheree Stokell,
Thanks for sharing. You obviously put a lot of work into this story. I'm sure it was both painful and healing at the same time.
You had some nice moments of great prose. One of my favorites was this line:
His feelings crushed in upon themselves and lay in a wreck like a collapsed house of cards.
I also appreciated Alfred's musing about "how Brother Morris was so familiar with what homosexuals liked."
Nice touch.
The twist about the opal stone was an excellent piece of story-telling. The sad ending is of course all too true for so many ex-JWs.
The overall story arc is good. That being said, and this is just my opinion so take it for what it's worth, I found a lot of your narrative to be too on the nose. I appreciate more subtlety in fiction. You don't have to explain everything. Certainly, any ex-JW or anyone that wishes-they-were-an-exJW will get your points without a lot of frankly unnecessary explanation.
Are you familiar with the axiom of "show me, don't tell me" in reference to writing fiction? The most effective writers generally do much less explaining and let the reader get from the story what they get from the story. Give it some thought. I think a lot of your paragraphs can be trimmed down and the end result would be a lot more powerful.
Also, some of your sentences are kind of convoluted and hard to understand. Consider cutting some of the longer ones down.
For example, this sentence:
Alfred’s heart now had a great big empty place where Barbara once lived as part of him.
This is a really good sentence that would be stronger without the unnecessary tag at the end:
Alfred’s heart now had a great big empty place where Barbara had lived
as part of him.
After describing their loveless relationship of friendly convenience, you wrote:
Their religion forbade divorce except for when one spouse cheated, which was something neither Barbara or Alfred would consider due to their good standing in the congregation and fear of reprisal.
Any JW or ex-JW knows all of this. You really don't need to explain. It seems heavy-handed and preachy.
I do like how you handle your exchanges of dialogue. I think overall you use dialogue effectively to move the story along, especially during the "apostasy trial." Still, you do (what I think is) a lot of unnecessary explaining. Just tell the story. You shouldn't also explain what everything means as if we don't know. We do know. Frankly, anyone that wouldn't understand the points you are making wouldn't ever read this story any ways. Consider your audience.
Here are a few resources you might find helpful in tightening up what I think could prove to be a very powerful story.
I know how it can be to share your creative works with strangers. It's a vulnerable thing to do. I applaud you for that.
Please take my suggestions in the spirit in which they are intended, to help you become a better writer.
And keep in mind that everything I have written is just my opinion!
Keep writing. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Oubliette
BTW, I love the title!
you know how our minds often get all "fuzzy" and confused when we are put on the spot and asked to come up with points?
we often tend to lose focus and go off on tangents?.
im trying to compile a basic list of bullet points for the most obvious and clear problems / doctrines / history of witnesses that can blow the org out of the water.. it is more for the purpose of getting my own thoughts clear rather than using it to talk to witnesses (as that doesn't really work).
hello forum,.
i'm new here and not sure where to post.
so, i'm 21 years old and currently a baptized witness, however, i'm slowly making my mind up to leave and here's why.. first, there are certain things that make no sense to me in the organization.
Garrett,
Don't write a letter. It will only make things worse. Just leave, or better yet--since you haven't gone to a meeting in 2 weeks--just stay away. Don't go back.
Fading is a slow and painful process. Simply stopping is much better (although not everyone can emotionally pull it off).
When the elders do start hounding you say something like, "I told you, 'I'm depressed,' please just leave me alone."
If they ask anything else, especially "loyalty questions," just repeat the above.
I recommend reading Steven Hassan's book, Releasing the Bonds. It's very helpful.
Best wishes,
Oubliette
i know dubs are delusional.
i know dubs don't reason well.
i know dubs are a bit off, like many groups.
Caleb at 85, "Where the hell is this promised presence? I'm old, my body's falling apart. I've got no retirement. My children left 'the Truth.' I'm all alone here!"
i know dubs are delusional.
i know dubs don't reason well.
i know dubs are a bit off, like many groups.
FMF: I always had a fear in the back of my mind all these years, what if this was just another mainstream religion.
No. Mainstream religions do not excommunicate and shun people for victimless "crimes" and certainly not for simply disagreeing with their delusional leadership!
This religion is a high-control authoritarian group otherwise known as a cult.
my mom called me yesterday to ask how i was doing.
i hadn't seen her in a while, so it was nice to hear her voice.
we went through the motions of jw small talk and then she started telling me about her co visit from last week.
A series of Public talks and Watchtower Studies will be streamed over the Internet
How nice!
my mom called me yesterday to ask how i was doing.
i hadn't seen her in a while, so it was nice to hear her voice.
we went through the motions of jw small talk and then she started telling me about her co visit from last week.
Finkelstein: Has the WTS put any signs up such as " Arbeit macht frei" which is a German phrase meaning "Work Makes (You) Free".
No Fink, but the WTBTS repeatedly tells us all to come, "Work for Us for Free!"
my mom called me yesterday to ask how i was doing.
i hadn't seen her in a while, so it was nice to hear her voice.
we went through the motions of jw small talk and then she started telling me about her co visit from last week.
Jeffro: Or it could just be speculation based on gossip.
Now we're spreading rumors based on "speculation based on gossip!"
