Slavenomore

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Posts by Slavenomore

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  22

  My story in short

  by DeWandelaar in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i am visiting this site for quite some time now and now i think it is time to tell something about me and my experience.

  without giving away my name (i am in "fade mode"): i am from the small country they call the netherlands, the land of wooden shoes, tulips, cheese and too many inhabitants per square meter.

  i am married with children and a second generation jw.

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  Slavenomore

  I read your story this morning and felt your positive vibe...leaving the wt is like a jailbreak...welcome to freedom. Hope your wife breaks out soon.
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  67

  There are really TWO Watchtower Societies

  by Terry in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  with cedars release of leaked watchtower new light "adjusting" understanding of "who" the faithful and discreet slave is.....i am struck by something which similarly struck me back in 1967.in 1967 i had just been imprisoned.

  being a male jehovah's witness during the viet nam war meant certain "issues" arose affecting a decision to respond to the military draft.i have told the story before.

  but, i'd like go at it from another angle in view of the above mentioned new light about the fds fora different reason.it was first in 1967 i began to discover that there are two watchtower societies.let me explain why i say this and for what reasons.first of all, anybody standing in a kingdom hall or sitting in a seat at a vast international assembly saw people they would identify as all on the same page.

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  Slavenomore

  Your experience that you relay is incredible and the observation about two wt society's is so true, I never thought about it those terms. I could probably count on 1 hand those that fit into group 2 in the 5 congos in our valley, and still have a few fingers to spare. I went from group 2 to group one in about 4 years, which I think is the result of all the meetings...basically group 1 training.
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  slavenomore

  by Slavenomore in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  leaving the org was not a doctrinal choice for me as it was for many on this board.

  i left mentally because of the boredom and then i physically left by being dfd.

  i have been reading here for about a month or so and now i know i made the right decision.

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  Slavenomore

  Real Spirituality had little to do with being an elder. Yes there were prayers, but was there any holy spirit? Rules , meetings and organizational matters...and talks from the co like: are you a theocratic or organization man type of stuff, and mother this and mother that. Good god how people put up with it? Shepherding the flock had but a minor role in our hall it seemed, but if someone got caught or turned in or was whispered about...its meeting time! But all said the congo was for the most part a loving group of people form all walks of life. The oldersisters were always so encouraging to me, many were themselves and didnt hide in masks. Then to be reproved and to leave in disgrace probably not the best way, to say the least, to handle my inner conflict. But we all make mistakes. I was dropped like a stone in the pond. Except for my closest friends. I remember One true friend, an ex elder and seeing the sausage first hand was enough for him and he stepped down, a wise wise decision. He and I and his wife and my ex hit it off, traveling together and dining in and out together. When I was reproved he called me and invited me over. Told me not to worry, the only thing he said in regard to my "sin" was why cigarettes? At least you could of done something more enjoyable like pot! I admitted I hadn't thought of that!

  It is at these times, when we are at our lowest point that we find out who our friends are...and for that it was the best thing that could have happened to me... To know who your true friends are, priceless. Another benefit....no more anything except for meetings and service. Scratch that, service...only when forced out the door by the wife. No more lies and no more pretense, it was liberating. By smoking and violating this rule it did to me what i couldnt do for myself, which was to step down and fade out(actually didnt even hear of know of such term till about a month ago). The stress then came from my marriage.

  It's amazing how everyone is considered and spoken of as 'friend' in the org, yet so many people, that I observed are lonely, depressed afraid to let down their guard, to express their deep feelings about the one thing that brought us all together...the watchtower inc. prevents a real friendship in my opinion. Friend in the organization is just another example of doublespeak. For example: Would a friend turn you in and thus make your life a living hell with the elders? What are we encouraged to do by the org? In the watchtower inc...you simple never know what level of programming the other has, thus honesty real honesty is something that I found lacking. Yes, its somewhat true, no one in the book study is going to steal your wallet...but if they had a doubt would they speak it? I had a few sisters and only a couple of brothers who expressed slight hesistations about some teaching or the UN involvement. I certainly didn't rat them out, just listened, felt honored they felt I was trustworthy for such expressions...not so with others, as I experienced. Now looking back on the whole absurd comedy of my life in watchtower inc. I can see it clearly now, there are for sure so many who simply are there for family and friends and somehow put up with the intolerable boredom of the mind numbing meetings.
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  35

  New here

  by Elbear in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i'm a female jw who has been lurking for a little while but finally has the balls to post something.

  i am in need of adivce and help.

  i still feel a little nervous typing out these words on an "apostate" website.. i am a born-in jw, 4th generation.

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  Slavenomore

  Welcome elbear,

  You will get thru this moment. Just continue to rely on your true friends, your strength and your goals for your future..

  Writing down my experiences, the good and the bad has been very cathartic for me.

  Anyway I'm new here too! But the more the merrier.
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  35

  New member says hey

  by jay dubless in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have lurked now and then, just decided to join.. my older brother and i were raised by our jw mom, but our dad was a non-practicing catholic.

  so we went to the hall, but were considered "weak" witnesses, since our family still celebrated xmas and birthdays, to appease my dad i suppose.

  as a kid, i loved these holidays.. anyways, when my brother was 17 (i was 13), he spent a few weeks with our cousins in ky, who are all gung-ho j-dubs, and upon his return, he decided he was going to be more "theocratic".

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  Slavenomore

  I'm new here too but what the hell welcome aboard!
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  44

  slavenomore

  by Slavenomore in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  leaving the org was not a doctrinal choice for me as it was for many on this board.

  i left mentally because of the boredom and then i physically left by being dfd.

  i have been reading here for about a month or so and now i know i made the right decision.

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  Slavenomore

  Thanks i just wish icame across this site earlier anyhow a little bit more of my story...

  Upon coming into the org, My life showed improvement, as if to confirm my decision was right. The love bombing I received resembled westmorelands rolling thunder campaign. The love was so explosive that I felt I had found the true way, with true friends who substituted for family...kind of like my african patron. And it is true I met many people. Quite a few were decent, full of integrity and pleasant to be around. They, my Congo, practically wet their collective pants when a bright college educated became an intrinsic part of their Throng. Desirous of telling everybody of my new found faith in the future of the earth and what that portends to obedient mankind, I was baptized 6 moths after my study began. I remember my first door, I knocked and a man came out took one look and said in an affected voice "I worship the triune god", I responded if Satan knew who god was, he said of course, I then asked then why would Satan try to tempt Jesus if he indeed was god. The door closed. Moments like this convinced me we had 'da'troof'. I fought hard for every 'privilege' my ambitious hands could get. I figured if success in the world was not to be had then I would persue spiritual success as it was outlined before me by my bible teacher and others I met in the various congregations. Auxiliary pioneer, pioneer, pioneer school, ministerial servant, talks, RBC, and then eventually elder. Naturally talks and experiences were thrust upon me as I greedily accepted. Elders looking for some experience to prove that the knowledge book was working in our territories, and I was that one. It surprised me that there were not others...just born ins really and a study here and there getting baptized. To the point 10 years later in 2007 when a massive rearrangement was happening in our area, KHs being sold, new halls being remodeled...the CO said matter of fact, to all the elders gathered for a secret meeting, "to be honest brothers, there is no real growth and unlikely to be in this area!" This statement among others, like the FDS owns everything ie kingdom halls even the publishers and thus can do with them as they wish...of course according to Gods will! I wonder now whether the reorganization that our area suffered through, an area of 6 congos and 4 halls brought down to 5 congos and 2 halls had anything to do with the 2007 out of court settlements the society had to pay?! (this would be an interesting question to answer) The same thing happened in a larger city just north of us, taking all the congos out of their territory selling the halls and building one big mega hall complex, on which I gave my "whole souled service" read- sacrificed 3 weekends-as head of a RBC dept.

  By the time I was appointed an elder i was feeling very spiritually fit. But upon opening the door to this all mens club opened my eyes to a life that i wanted no part of. It was so unbelieavably obtuse and negative. I fought the fight, complaining to COs even the DO, spoke openly with the brothers about how i felt bible principles were not being implemented. I'll give you a for instance. I moved to a new Congo to help fill a need, where I became the school overseer. The elders, three of them. 2 of which were just despised by many. These two invite me to sit on a JC. A young sister who was previously told by these same brothers not to talk to this unbaptized young man who was studying. The first thing they say to me is, we need you here just to listen we will take the lead, you don't know all the facts-being known for my outspokenness they were basically telling me to sit down and shut up. (a lot of jealously since I was well liked and spoken of by the friends who were not in any position of power, which they felt I flaunted). So there she was crying she just couldn't bear it any longer, no speaking to her beau. They were going to get married, and being human they probably kissed or better, and then she being brainwashed as she was came clean to these elders, thus private reproof blah blah, and one condition of that reproof she couldn't talk to him, un fucking believable. She spoke through her tears and said her only thoughts beside talking to him was suicide. At that I interjected and asked her if she had spoken to her parents about this she said no. I asked if this was the first time she had spoken out loud her desire to kill herself. She said yes, I had to motion to keep the fat elder to my left from trying to shut me off. I asked if she spoke to her potential fiancé would she feel less depressed(obvious I know), she said yes, then I said by all means speak to him, there is nothing in the bible that prevents you from speaking to him...the meeting was immediately stopped, the bros asked her to sit outside for a moment the meeting was quit for a later date(without me) I knew I was in deep shit for antagonizing the head honcho of the Congo. As i left i wispered in her ear, you talk with him all you like. Anyway they got married and even though it was a large congo, and she was a pretty jewel in the crown their they decided to have a small gathering, like 6 people. They asked me to marry them. There are so many stories such as this...like after drinking like fish one evening with a few elders and our wives, and then the next day sitting in a JC on a poor sister who felt the need for confession, for what...she drank too much. I remember speaking with another elder about a friend who was DFd and the same head honcho, overheard me speaking, he interrupted and emphasized "was your friend" I said he will always be my friend, just because he got in a little trouble, he then quips" but is he a friend of JHVH," sometimes ignoring is the best response. Anyhow I was promptly sent back to my original Congo, after the reorganizing with a letter that was less than flattering. The experiences before being an elder were for the most part uplifting and encouraging after...it was like watching sausage being made...ugly and quite frankly disgusting. The arrogance, the negativity, the hunting down of faders accused of some sinful indulgence...this was not what I signed up for. Yet my ambition and my pride would to let me stand down, I thought the next CO will understand...but then it got worse, the new fight after the reorganization was money, remodeling, who and how to pay etc... At this point i had stopped reading the bible, publications, personal prayer family study, only time I prayed was over meals for family and out in service. I never prepared for anything except public talks and then after a while just spoke from the heart. I stopped believing God cared for anyone of us...just himself. The evidence is all around us. And I lived a lie. I felt like a charlatan, every time people would line up to thank me for this prayer or that part or this talk or that talk, it was painful. I had stopped believing in God, the watchtower corp especially...yet living the lie. Disgusting, I felt Like crap being such a fucking hypocrite. I was secretly smoking at this point, and thus now lying to my wife at that time. I wanted to leave...Yet now I was embroiled with raising two foster kids, adopting a third, and a good friend. A man who I was so happy to meet, to hang out with, I finally had a friend I could be honest with...he two was raising two kids not his own, that's how we got together, my ex wife a witness since 84 knew them well. The association with money and prominence In the congregations of my area was more than a coincidence. And my wifes drive to have both was achieved through my growing business.
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  14

  A Memorial First

  by truth_b_known in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been out for a good solid 7 years.. last night was the 2nd memorial in a row i did not attend.. this year's memorial was the 1st time i did not receive an invitation or a visit or a phone call from anyone asking me to attend.. in fact, i didn't even realize it was last night until i got on this website this morning.. it feels great!.

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  Slavenomore

  No invites for me and my new family either. Funny though that although we live in the country we are on a main and popular road. I can safely say no one from my former Congo knows where I live, not even my ex! I'm in a different territory one which this Congo is supposedly covering almost twice a year, a rarity in these parts. This congos elduhs were always commended by the co when he would come around by way of example and by way of shaming us to do more! But then again maybe things have changed in 2 years, who knows. But while building our house I was here everyday for approx 11 months. Nothing.
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  18

  PLEASE SOMEONE DRINK

  by Bob_NC in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it's not too late to get this request out there.

  please please, if you can muster the courage to be different, would you drink the wine and eat the bread tonight?

  then come back here and let us know how it went over.

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  Slavenomore

  It was decided at our Congo that we were not to count the partakers if there were any because obviously they didn't understand! Talk about Christian love!
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  43

  Memorial Hell

  by thecrushed in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  today has been one of the most aganizing days since i woke up.

  my family has been pressuring me to show up at the memorial for the past week.

  it became very intense today with my dad texting me constantly to get me to confirm and when i didn't answer he would call my wife and then she would constantly nag me to answer my dad and so on and so forth.

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  Slavenomore

  Definitely second that sd-7!

  I feel for you, crushed. not much I can say other than, dont feel guilty, be as loving as you can and avoid losing your temper, if u feel the top is going to come off remove yourself. She will come around!

  Slavenomore
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  44

  slavenomore

  by Slavenomore in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  leaving the org was not a doctrinal choice for me as it was for many on this board.

  i left mentally because of the boredom and then i physically left by being dfd.

  i have been reading here for about a month or so and now i know i made the right decision.

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  Slavenomore

  Thanks for the welcoming spirit, i have followed so many of the posts here its like i sort of know many of you, at least how you think about certain things that is. heres a little bit more about me. I live in upstate New York. Moving out to the country has been a real treat for us. We have apple trees. I now have time to love my wife and child(8 months old), todo my artwork, brewing and to live quietly, it just makes me wonder sometimes how simple life can be, and how much time I now have, but sometimes I think about how much time I wasted. But then I shake my head to rid those thoughts because if anything had been different I might not have met and fallen in love with my wife...like the butterfly effect.

  But how did I become to be involved in such a mind numbing and control oriented cult? I had graduated with honors, from university with a geology degree. Without student loans to bog me down into the work cycle, I decided that travel was my best future. With that decision I traveled to Europe with my brother for 9 months, then on to Kenya by myself and stayed for 2 months. I had previously spent a semester in India, and with the collection of religious classes and the belief in the divine so encompassing in the subcontinent of contrasts, I started to think more about life and it's meaning. While in Europe I experienced such kindness, generosity and universality of the human spirit that I thought that there must be some connection to all this that we call human culture. Instead of a world of scatterred self interested people I saw a thread that ran through everything and everyone, that thread I started to believe was some sort of divinity, which in my young mind must of had some creator being that started it all. Having read and been inspired by Hesse, i was a romantic in the sense that the world was colorful and wrapped In a mysterious and mythical beauty. I trusted and was gullible to a fault. I also was steeped in politics throughout high school and college. Encouraged by my loving parents, I went from protest to protest, starting with joining with much older students protesting SA apartheid in the eighties, school of America's, George and Ronald's disastrous policies in Latin America to desert storm and on and on. I also was a fond lover of deep ecology, and it's seducing language of bioegalitarianism. Rachel carson, Aldo Leopoldo, Bob Marshall and Dave foreman were my heros in the war for environmental justice. So basically I was as anti-authoritarian with a romantic vision of the future if everyone could get on board the neo-socialist environmental band wagon. Religious studies at college never bored me. Buddhism, the ideal of the feminine divine, Taoism and epicurean philosophy inspired me. But i I think what happened in africa was crucial in my stepping into the watchtower trap. While in Kenya I stayed in a remote village,no electricity, cars or anything but simple food and fruit and genuine people. These same people were converted a while ago into the RC church. Their church was an open field where a priest came once a week and a mass was celebrated. No bibles, songbooks or liturgy. Yet Anyone would be hard pressed to find a more joyful throng of singing worship. My idealism was at full speed ahead when my patron, Charles, started introducing me to his family/village, he called all he introduced either brother or sister, uncle or aunt, grandmother or grandfather. I asked him, "how is it Charles that you have such a large family?" his reply as simply and genuinely as he could muster was "the bible tells us to treat everyone as brother and sister". This book, the bible, the same bible that we, my colleagues and i, castigated in school, laughed at and certainly would never demean ourselves to read, created in this man, Charles a way of life so beautiful and clear. A religious man was summoned to our little hut by Charles as he had no bible, yet alone a book, in his mud hut( I have forgotten this mans name, but remember himas a seventh day Adventist) . He brought me a bible and I began to read it. It answered none of my questions as I could not find anything of value in it. The Adventist when hearing my dismay, brought me some bible tracts of unknown origin. These tracts talked about armeggedon, the whore of Babylon, which interestingly enough included JWs, (wish i still had them, many were such tracts at markets where people sold them along with anything else) they then led me to places in the bible which concurred with their extreme views. I had no idea the bible was full of such political messages: Governments to be destroyed for their wickedness, churches for their whorish ways also destroyed by the God they pretend to worship. Growing up with conspiracy theories and two political and environmental activists as parents turned this message into a warm familiarity and a desire to see it fulfilled. I left Kenya to return to my hometown, where with my new found appreciation of the bible created some interest in my geology mentor, who was a Presbyterian. I went to his church and quickly realized church was not for me. My mom was raised RC, and my dad a secular humanist/atheist. upon moving to what was to become our hometown in the early 80's, My mom , who could give a flip about religious tradition, wanted to find a church for the family that would allow us boys to become conscientious objectors in case of war. Funny thing is that it was a choice between the KH in the neighboring town or the Unitarian church in our town. She went to both and chose the unitarians without hesitation(I learned this later on as I was 10 yrs old at the time). Let's put it simply, religion played not one factor in our childhood, it's influence was near zero. Instead it was family and friends, learning integrity through action towards others and standing up for principle like justice and peace. Being political activists from the viet nam war onward, my parents walked the walk. Working on refugee issues from Biafra to Bangladesh throughout the seventies til now, nuclear disarmament, incineration and other vital issues. Their network of friends, fellow activists, writers, journalists and a few celebrities was wide. They taught me everything I needed to know about how to treat my fellow and how to live with integrity. To them the idea i needed further instruction from a bible thumping organization hurt them to the core when I told them that I was remaining put in a miserable little town as a jw instead of going to Italy to take up an artist residence. I let them know that god was going to bring peace despite what humans do, therefore it was more important to side with him, the solver of worlds problems then to pursue selfish endeavors and at the same time dismissing all their work in one fell swoop. We argued this point ad infinitum and to my father in particular ad nauseum. They eventually, albeit reluctantly, accepted my choice and we got along as best a family can separated by distance and prevented in celebrating holidays.