GrreatTeacher

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Posts by GrreatTeacher

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  9

  A form of healing?

  by New day in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  it has been mentioned on here by quite a few posters that when they let go of the pressure of living up to the standards set out in the wt publications, they felt relief from a strangulating set of rules and regulations which do not truly reflect the kindness and love displayed by jesus.. as more than a year has gone by since i first read the ray franz books and started reading posts here, i recently stepped back and thought about how i now feel.

  having always been a boy who can't say no (theocratically speaking) i have just now realized that, yes, i can refuse talks in the tms if i either can't do them or (gasp) don't want to do them.

  just last week a well-meaning but misguided elder put me down to take a fs arrangement without asking me, despite the fact that i resigned as an elder last year and had asked for the pressure to be taken off.

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  GrreatTeacher

  Good for you, Newday, standing up for yourself. And for your wife, too.
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  3

  A monster in our midst......

  by WingCommander in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i am pretty stunned as i write this post.

  i guess i shouldn't be after reading years and years of similar incidents on these forums, but here i am nonetheless.

  he was convicted in 2001 of possessing child pornography and sentenced to 1 to 2 years in prison.. .

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  GrreatTeacher

  Glad he couldn't make bail.

  It's interesting that you said he had piercing eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul.

  Sometimes you can look at people and just see that their eyes are dead, no conscience, no human compassion.
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  45

  Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers

  by rebel8 in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  http://www.geocities.com/zpg1957/narcissists.htm i've had some narcissistic types in my life and boy, does this article ring true.

  (this is not true of my mother but just like a mirror image of my sister.

  also reminds me of the dynamics of the wt org.

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  GrreatTeacher

  Though not every detail fits my mother, she did pull off an incredible incident of self absorbed behavior when she was staying with my sister to "help out" after my sister's first baby, a preemie was born.

  Her idea of helping out was to basically just take care of the baby. She never thought that helping to cook meals, wash laundry or just, in general help out with household chores should be something she should do.

  She lost her s**t when my sister asked her if she'd make lunch. She complained she felt like she was being "used." Then she demanded that my sister and she drop everything and have a discussion about how my sister's behavior made my mother feel.

  I caught this conversation and blew up, telling my mother that it wasn't about her and how dare she pull this crap when there's a new mother and a preemie that needed taken care of.

  She screamed back at me, telling me it was none of my business and that she would just leave if she wasn't wanted. She went and hid in a room and called my father crying about how she wasn't appreciated. Then she left.

  When I was driving home that evening, I called my father and told him the real story, that my mother was out of line, that she was acting unstable and that she really needed to see a doctor (again). He just listened non-commitally.

  So, years later, I found out that my dad took my mother's side (classic enabler) and I will yet again go down in the annals of family history as the black sheep.

  I was always the scapegoat. Maybe because I always have stood up to her. I have always felt the need to protect my little sister from her because she tends to be more conciliatory towards her and she gets hurt again and again.

  What works with people like that? Going low contact or no contact, especially after egregious behavior like the above. She's been behaving okay recently so I am in contact. My sister thinks she behaves better towards me now because I don't need her. And I don't. I can survive just fine without her. And that drives her self-centered self crazy.
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  11

  Do Kingdom Hall congregations communicate with each other?

  by Faithful Witness in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  when asked, my mom denies that they do.... do local congregations pass along gossip or reports on householders in the area?

  specifically, i am wondering if they might report on (unbaptized) family members that live in other towns?.

  since the abrupt ending of my bs with miss k, i have not heard from the jw's at all.

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  GrreatTeacher

  Well, Clambake and Aroq, you just don't have a good heart and you're not humble enough to accept the truth, doncha know.

  That's why they won't preach to you anymore. You've simply been written off as hopeless.
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  48

  Struggling

  by Alive! in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

  i was a convert.

  i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

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  GrreatTeacher

  Thanks for sharing, WingCommander. I've heard your story before, but thanks for posting again for the newbies.

  Having grown up in the same circuit, I know that it is rife with cliques and materialism. Many business owners who own not only large homes, but large vacation homes. You work for them, make decent money yourself, or you're out of the clique of the "cool kids."

  There's a large amount of pioneers, too, but that's just a gate of exclusivity to keep out the "lesser" ones. It's really just a social club that gives you access to the grapevine of gossip

  When I'm visiting my mom and someone from the hall calls, you should hear how quickly her voice changes to a syrupy, fake tone that sounds like the talks at the hall. It's all such a sham. She's always done this. She could be screaming her head off, but would turn on a dime when the phone rang, sounding like the most kind, "Christian" person in the world. But it was play acting and fake, fake, fake.

  And then there's the bragging about attending large anniversary parties or baby showers or sales parties where you can buy expensive handbags. Or stories of large groups of people vacationing together in a brother's large vacation home which he deducts as a business expense.

  I had it out with a sister about ten years ago because she threw a large anniversary party for my parents and didn't invite us children. Even me who is not currently disfellowshipped. Normal people don't do that. They don't have a large anniversary party for a couple and not invite their children! I held them to the same standard of decency as the rest of the world and threw a fit about the rudeness of it all. They are such morally bankrupt people.
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  48

  Struggling

  by Alive! in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

  i was a convert.

  i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

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  GrreatTeacher

  Hi, Alive! I just wanted to let you know that I hear the amount of pain you are in and you're in my thoughts.

  I suffer from bipolar disorder and sometimes the depression gets bad. Psychological pain is real pain and I can empathize.

  My advice is to be kind to yourself daily. Go outside and get some exercise in the sunshine. Eat healthy food. Go to the produce section and buy beautiful, colorful fruits and veggies! Take a warm bubble bath. Drink chamomile tea before bed. Get plenty of sleep. Leave your shades open so you wake up to sunshine!

  And, please go see your doctor if you begin to feel absolutely hopeless. Depression is common, but a diagnosed major depressive episode can be deadly.

  You will be able to build a new life. There are sooo many others on this board who have had their young adult years stolen and who are now building a positive and even exciting new life.

  Thank you for dropping in. It will be such a pleasure to get to know you better!
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  47

  All you men here, who does the house cleaning?

  by James Mixon in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  do you help or is this a woman job?

  have you change your ways since.

  leaving the borg.

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  GrreatTeacher

  My sister has her house cleaned every other week. But, she has to have everything picked up and put away before they come, so it's like having to clean the house before the cleaners come to clean the house!
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  47

  All you men here, who does the house cleaning?

  by James Mixon in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  do you help or is this a woman job?

  have you change your ways since.

  leaving the borg.

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  GrreatTeacher

  You're right, cappytan it's a pattern and humans are creatures of habit.

  If you make a new habit/pattern to come home from work and just do one small chore before even sitting down, it will become just as natural to you in time.

  You've got to harness the human tendency to habitual behavior to your advantage.

  For me, I throw in one load of laundry as soon as I come home. It's just like an extension of my work day.

  And then you will come to understand why women don't feel their stress go away when the work day is over. Their stress levels are just as high because they are thinking of all the work that needs to be done at home. (the second shift)
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  47

  All you men here, who does the house cleaning?

  by James Mixon in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  do you help or is this a woman job?

  have you change your ways since.

  leaving the borg.

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  GrreatTeacher

  My husband does the grocery shopping and cooking. When I have to cook, it's very simple fare which he doesn't really care for. I usually do the dishes and clean up the kitchen.

  I do most of the indoor cleaning with the exception of the bathtubs. Even with Scrubbing Bubbles, it takes me forever to get the grime out of the tub and he can knock it out in a few minutes!

  My son, who is 14, helps with the vacuuming sometimes and yesterday he helped mow the lawn.

  My husband does exterior maintenance, but the gardening we do together. He has done the snowblowing in the past, but my son now also helps with that.

  I do all the laundry. I also do the finances. These are things I like to do, though.

  He does the car maintenance though I pump my own gas.

  Home improvement work we work on together, though anything that has to be assembled is my job. I was the one who always stayed up late Christmas Eve assembling various large toys!

  I feel like our arrangement is very fair and we both seem to be satisfied.
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  45

  can an unhappy married woman vent?

  by sowhatnow in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  i continue to be saddened by the fact that i am married to such a selfish man.. i want to know if i am the only wife who has no say when it comes to using the house she lives in for activities including other people.. .

  let me explain.. yesterday my daugher who is 35 got a new puppy for my grandaughter who is 13. today my daughter and son in law are going to help my uncle at a job, and my granddaughter wanted to spend the day here, my daugher said shed bring her and the puppy over, i laughed and said 'your dad wont have that, ill have to go to your house'.. after all it will 'upset' the 2 cats they will hide all day [like they do anytime someone including my grandchild is in my home] .. i already knew that he would not like it if she brought the puppy over, [weve had dogs so its not like he hates them].

  he doesnt care if his grandaughter would have enjoyed playing with the puppy over grandmas house, where she likes to be for a change, and that fact that id like to see what my cats would do when they saw a dog for the first time in thier lives.. maybe id have liked to play with the puppy .. when i said to my husband that my daughter said she wanted tp bring them over he said.

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  GrreatTeacher

  Hi, sowhatnow. I remember this post from 4 months ago and I'm glad to see that you are making progress. What broke my heart was when you said you miss your cats. :(

  However, so much has happened to you in such a short period of time that I can hardly believe it! A new apartment! Alimony! Dating!

  I read through the entire thread again and what I noticed most is your change in outlook. Your old posts were very pessimistic, but this last post has you sounding much more optimistic. It's so much easier to get through the day from a position of optimism.

  I think now that you have all your time to yourself that you'll be able to find things that interest you. Just try everything! You'll dislike some of it, but it takes lots of exploring to find yourself. This is what most people do in adolesence and young adulthood, but you had this stolen from you. Do it now. Do it bravely. You will eventually find a stable sense of self.

  You are so very brave! Congratulations on your new start in life!

  GrreatTeacher