You really are an inspiration S&R. While I'm not an Atheist, I really feel for you and your journey. I had a similar experience about 7 years ago where a JW mother that I knew (who was shunning her grown DF'd daughter for marrying outside the JW's) came to my door unknowingly to preach. It was all pleasant, but she got a good earful. By the end of it, her group was way down the street and was looking absolutely defeated. She had ZERO answers to my questions as to why she was even standing there, since we all were supposed to have been in the New Order years ago, why I had a job, wife, mortgage, & son of my own. Why does she look old? Why is she an uneducated cafeteria lady at the local school, and not retired by now or petty pandas next to a lake? No answers....just the sad face. Her married daughter wants nothing to do with her, and I can't blame her. Lives in the next county over.....very happy, and glad to be away from the JW's and family that kicked her to the curb when she was about 19 for falling in love. She's been married to that fellow for 18 years now. How's that shunning working out for the JW parents I wonder?