Dear Crumpet:
If I were a JW I'd say you have DEMONS! DEMONS! Run-away!! Burn objects in your house! The psychologist is from the Debil! The Debil! (in the Waterboy's mother's voice)
But, as a person who loves reading your posts and anguishes when you are down, I'd have to say you are starting down a good path - therapy. While I must admit that one-half of me wishes I'd be on the receiving end of you pulling me off the street for a good shagging, the other half of me sees how spontaneous, dangerous, and destructive this behaviour is and also it is a form of reward or "instant gratification."
Which ever form of therapy you choose, please make sure you are comfortable with the person you are talking to; that is very important as it will eventually help you trust them enough to truly open up about what has been happening to you.
I suffered from bi-polar, anxiety attacks w/fits of rage, fits of sexual self-gratification and intoxication, as well as the need for instant gratification in the form of spending money. I am happy to say that through a now healthy relationship through marriage, regular exercise, and organic all-natural medicines, I have for the most part overcome all of my past problems with the exception of some of the anxiety and occasionally instant gratification.
I truly hope you stay on course and continue your therapy, whichever path you choose. I also hope work and life in general are working out. Have you thought about a change of scenery perhaps? Maybe a new flat in a different part of the country, with new furnishings, etc? Sometimes it takes picking up and rearranging your life to make you have a different outlook on your life.
Warmest Regards and Luv,
Wing Commander