I first put my entire trust in jehovah, left my family and my trade drove 3 thousand miles away to start a new profession with some brothers. I convinced myself that the reason for my struggles was that I didn't put enough trust in God and let him carry my yoke. So here I am in a new state new trade and new business and of course despite prayer and going out in service as much as possible and making all the meeting etc. I was getting no help. Also I was having thoughts about how can God be so loving yet abandon everyone for thousands of years kinda thoughts.
So I'm going out in service with my friend and business partner and he's jokingly calling it a cult got talking about the generation that wouldn't pass away etc. And he tells me his brother was thier at bethel when all those people on that 1984 wt cover were there and got to see them all die. On top of that out in service met some people that were going to a church that taught stuff similar to our stuff and I was surprised that we were not so different after all. Then went to DC and good old brother Lett spills the beans in a talk admitting to the fact that most everyone at bethel thought they end was coming in 1975, what, weren't we told that it's was the elders and some rogue Co's that were saying this not bethel?!
I came back home after a bust of new business venture,, I guess jehovah thought it was a bad idea. Then the last straw after doing research about the religion avoiding apostate sites was I started a study with my neighbor, he wanted to study the book of Revelations, the one in the Bible not the JW book. But I was pre-studying the revelation climax book before hand so I could be prepared. As I studied it became embarrassing to me what these men were writing in this book. I became a Christian for a short while having a better understanding of what the Bible writer were trying to convey concerning love and Christ, until I saw a post about the Cannanite God El.