patches
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holiday angst
by patches ini grew up as a witness. forced into it actually by my mother. i was originally baptised catholic and spent a lot of time with my catholic grandma. i hated the whole jw thing. never accepted any of it. just went to every damn meeting with mom and abstained from any life affirming childhood experience because i was a well behaved kid.. <p>here's the problem: now that i am a grown-up, the holidays are a nightmare for me. i simply can not enjoy them. i have to approach them from an adult point of view but with a child-like longing for something i have missed. it doesn't help that i spend some of the holiday with my boyfriend's family where his parents still treat him like a child and shower him with expensive gifts. i give gifts as well but my need for them, both from an economical standpoint as well as an emotional one, is still great. i know it's not about the gifts but i feel that i have missed out on some shared cultural experience that leaves me feeling like only part of a person. it is hell on the self-esteem. this year, i am turning down the christmas morning at his house and will preserve my dignity at home with my 6 year old daughter. she will have the christmas experience as best as i can construct it. </p>.
<p>now, for all of the current jw's out there, please hold your comments. i go to a nice presbyterian church now and am very happy to have all my spiritual needs met especially wrt to christmas. i would like to hear from the grown up children of jw's who also missed out. is this a normal feeling? how do you deal with it? </p>.
patches