I just don't know what to think of life and God.
Take the hint, and stop thinking about life and God.
A time comes when wisdom arises and sees all thoughts about God and Life, are void of the reality of God and Life.
Stop thinking about what is ultimately significant, and just be with Life, right here, right now, in the only real expression of Life there ever is.
You now know that thoughts and beliefs are not the way. So, what's left?
Think only when necessary. The mind is a tool only. The rest of the time SILENTLY be present and really feel what it is to be alive. Feel the air as it passes through the nose. Feel the chest expand and contract with each breath. Feel and be present with LIFE; with REALITY.....and see what beauty arises.
Sit and silently watch the mind. Clearly see that all thoughts and their connected emotions are only passing clouds upon the unmoving still pool of Consciousness which is the most close, immediate and intimate of what you truly are. Look deep into this pool of pristine purity and realize what you really are....what all truly IS.
You are not anything which is believed to be. Genuinely know thyself; and you will have found what you seek. It's that close.
j