R.F.:
i'm torn over the fact that this is the organzation that i've been around my entire life and been told that this is the one organization Jehovah is using and the only way to receive his blessing is to be a part of it. Then at the same time those doubts just can't go away in my mind. Things that I tried to make myself believe but just couldn't.
This isn't about your dear dad, it's about you. The guilt you carry in regards Jehovah, is poison. The remedy for this is simple and naturally intuitive, if you are ready to open to it.
It's important to get in touch with a genuine sense of the unimaginably vast infinity of the expression of life and universe, then it is easy, if not effortless to let go of the very small and limited tribal deity revealed within the pages of the Bible. We know not what the true Source is, but it certainly is not wise to attribute infinity to what is so grossly finite as the Bible god, or any other god that the mind's imagination creates......which is all of them we name and worship. Does it seem wise to place any limits or boundaries whatsoever on That from which all existence flows?
Let go of your little god and the guilt you carry and be at peace. It is the honorable thing to do. Allow the immediate reality of nature and life in and around you to silently teach you about what is authentically Divine. Only in our beliefs and religions is the ultimate Truth we seek so small as to be absent.
Good luck; and welcome.
j