Tatiana, If I remember correctly, are you the same person that wrote a story about an aunt that was ill and subsequently died and the witnesses wouldn't help because she wasn't a witness? That included your mother? If you are the same person I remember reading that about a year ago and thought you were something special back than. At the time I was not registered and therefore never posted. When I read that it was so moving and I was so angry that I'll never forget reading it.
You are such an incredible woman and even though I have had my share of pain in my personal life, it pales in comparison. I'm so sorry you have suffered such loss.
I too was raised a witness, but am grateful my mother had a natural nurturing way about her that she never let us suffer, except for the normal suffering that witness children endure by standing out like sore thumbs constantly by not being able to participate in normal harmless activity. Feeling like you're different all the time definitely affects your self-esteem.
You mention in your profile that you are in love, I hope that means your life has some balance and meaningfulness now and that your children have inherited your survivor gene.