I probably should have just emailed this but here goes:
**Hugs** Mimilly **Hugs**
Everything you are feeling now others including myself have felt. You are not alone.
My situation was coming home to a two-page letter and an empty house. Its only temporary, they needed some space and time, well that changed when the papers came for divorce. I have felt what you said you are feeling.
Time dragging on minute-to-minute, hour-by-hour, emotions of highs and lows comparable to a mountain range with deep canyons. All it takes is one thought; a single unguarded memory and you are pulled into the deepest of these valleys. While in that emotional valley the pain is physical, mind numbing, wave of raw emotions that seem overwhelming. Then the calm when you are able to think, rest and take care of what needs done that day but, fearful of the emotions that lay just under the surface threatening to drown you. Knowing what you had held as a dear, trusted, dependable constant in your life is now not there your mind knows that things wont ever be the same again but your heart cries out for what is lost. The mindless pain, the anger at being hurt, the loneliness of being betrayed, the sadness of loss all these emotions trying to come to the surface. Wondering when the pain will end, and feeling helpless, unable to make the pain subside. The peace of sleep being invaded by dreams that make you remember the loss, dreams that allow you no escape from the turmoil in your heart. The Self-Indulgent thoughts that you know you will never act upon but are still there when you feel your worst. Yes, others have felt this as well.
Please listen (read) and I will try to be as direct as I can.
When will the pain end?
Salem, honestly, Im sorry but never. Each day it will hurt a little less than the day before, and with time and the help from your friends it will hurt only when you choose to think about it, it wont as invasive as it is now and the pain will diminish.
You have your daughters that need you very much. You need to hold it together for them AND yourself. Being aware of self-destructive behavior is half the battle in not hurting yourself and others around you. Each day you get stronger you can help to pass this strength on to your daughters. Sleep will help you heal and recover and by venting you have shown that you are aware of what you need.
Remember these things:
You are not a bad person.
Dont give up.
You are not alone, you have friends.
Wes
Ps Tonight I will do something that I havent done for years. I will say a prayer for you because I know what you are going through. I am sorry that it isnt more but it is all I can do. If you need to talk I will listen.
Edited by - goshawk on 18 October 2002 3:49:46