You will find several, more than a few in fact, individuals here, with similar stories to yours. Some, like myself, are still a part of the congregation, but have taken 2 big steps back, and are just watching. Changes that are happening almost daily become a source of entertainment, not a revelation of "new light".
There is the realization that the Play that unfolds in front of you is not real. Then at some point you realize that what you have forced yourself to believe, despite what your deepest conscience tells you, is a fabrication. Its a sham. It endears a sort of dumfounded, mouth-open, WTF have-I-been-doing moment.
It will take a while for it all to sink in; for some, like myself, it may take even longer. There are some things I struggle with every day...this whole charade has been on my mind EVERY DAY for almost 2 years. It has taken over 40 years to grind it into my being, it will take more than a few to get out from under the cultish control, and find myself............... ourselves.
Its good to have a place to chat with others who have similar feelings. Spend some time looking at past posts, you will quickly find others in your same state of awakening. Welcome.
Jack Harper, Tech49