Lady,
This is a wonder post, and one I will print and reread in depth. I was the 4th child in a dysfunctional household, and I was the "pleaser". I did almost anything I could to smooth things over, regardless of whether the issue was my fault or even involved me. I am sometimes still this way, usually only within my marriage, but it's a dangerous place to be. The problem with my way of doing things is, even though on the surface the situation is better, internally I am enraged. I hide it behind laughter, and as you pointed out, sarcasm (but only the "funny" kind) but it is there. I am in need of constructive ways to express my feelings, and also to allow myself the right to feel those less than positive emotions.
So, thank you for this, and all your posts. You are so often the voice of sanity and reason when things get heated.
Happyout