Posts by happyout

17

Need help guys, please!!!

by brutusmaximus in

jw
friends

my wife and i got baptised at 16 which is now 21 years ago and we haven't been at the borg for 7/8 years but for some reason they still class you as a witness, weird!!.

anyway my sister in law is getting married (sept 06) and wanted my wife her sister to be a brides maid, she met the po he said read a 1984 wt and let me know what you think.

they read it and said they wanted her sister as bridesmaid so he said ok, no problem.

I'm so sorry you and your wife are going through this. Something similar happened to me, I was inactive when I got married, but my sisters were planning to be in my wedding, which was held outdoors. No church so as not to offend my JW family. About 6 weeks before the wedding (right after my family bridal shower), I was told that they could not be in the wedding, and my brother could not walk me down the aisle. Since a minister was marrying us, they could not participate at all. One of my brother in laws, seeing the distress it was causing my sister, told her to just go ahead and be in it, and deal with the consequences later (he's an elder, by the way). It was my mom who convinced them that it wasn't the right thing to do. I guess I should be grateful they came, but it's a hurt that will never go away.

Even if they don't get married in a KH, the "brothers" will probably still object to your wife being a bridesmaid. Her sister needs to decide what is more important.

Again, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Anyone who can look me in the face after hearing about stuff like this, and tell me this is a religion of love is a liar and a hypocrite.

Happyout

31

Who do you love more?

by serendipity in

my uncle ocasionally complains about how my aunt loves her adult children more than him because she's always thinking about them, worrying about them and reaching out to them.

i think that's a surprising viewpoint because i thought that most mothers (and many fathers) love their children above all others.. do you think that's true?

should a parent love their children more than the spouse (or significant other)?

happyout

Brigid said:

It is an unconditional love that does not require the other party to return anything. My children could do anything (ANYTHING) and I would still love them--I might not understand it, I might not condone it, but nothing would make me stop loving them. A partner is just that; a partner that one exchanges energies with. A marriage is a contract--you do this, I do that--blah blah blah. I have yet to meet the man whom I would love unconditionally (especially as a marriage partner) and expect nothing in return.

This hits the nail on the head for me. There are many things a spouse, partner, etc, could do that would totally destroy your love for them. But I will ALWAYS love my son. I won't always condone his actions, I am not blind to his faults (although he's only 5 so they are few right now ), but I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM. Done. Finished. No questions asked.

I have fallen out of love with other people, and I'm pretty sure I no longer love my husband (long story, but it's his fault). That will never apply to my son.

I don't necessarily think this only applies to mothers and their children, I know some men who have the same no holds barred, balls to the wall love for their children. I think it's great.

Happyout - born to be a mother

31

Who do you love more?

by serendipity in

my uncle ocasionally complains about how my aunt loves her adult children more than him because she's always thinking about them, worrying about them and reaching out to them.

i think that's a surprising viewpoint because i thought that most mothers (and many fathers) love their children above all others.. do you think that's true?

should a parent love their children more than the spouse (or significant other)?

happyout

I love my son more than anyone else in the world, bar none.

Happyout

58

Diary of an Unborn Child - switch your rational mind off for ten minutes.

by nicolaou in

this article from awake!

in may 1980 is an example of the worst sort of emotional argument.

i'm just going to post it, barf, and then comment later.. *** g80 5/22 p. 16 ***.

happyout

LDH,

From my first readings on this site, you have always struck me as being logical, and able to express your thoughts clearly. 99% of the time, I feel almost exactly what you write.

That is definitely the case here. It's sad that so many people can't accept that what's "right" for them may not be "right" for someone else, and no one should judge another in those situations.

I look at Catholicism as a good example. For the true Catholic, birth control is the same as abortion, because it stops the possibility of life. The egg and the sperm are deliberately denied the chance to connect, and that is looked upon as terminating a life. I believe most of those on this board who are "anti abortion" DON'T look upon birth control as the same thing, but do they understand that to Catholics it is? So, does that mean these anti abortionists are guilty of abortion? Yes, in the eyes of the Pope and his followers it does.

So, will these people now stop using birth control? Somehow I doubt it.

Long message to ask, again, that people allow others to have a differing view, and try to understand that it doesn't make them right or wrong.

Happyout - whose opinion of abortion is not the issue here, and therefore hasn't been stated

24

Last straw?

by happyout in

so, my marriage has been in trouble for some time.

my husband and i have totally different goals, and ideas of "partnership".

the last few months have been even more difficult than usual, he has been out of work, and not picking up any extra load around the house.

happyout

greendawn - why would it be humiliating for a man to do housework? He lives there as much as I do. Even if he were employed, since we would BOTH be working, it's only fair to expect us to both take on household chores. We talked about that at length before we got married, because I didn't want to marry a man who thought housework was "woman's" work, and he said all the right things about sharing, partnership, etc., but it was all lies.

As for telling my mom about the unfaithfulness, I may have to do that, as well as his mom, but I want it to be a last resort. I think we would remain on better terms and possibly have a chance at being friends again if I didn't air that particular bit of dirty laundry.

Really, I just want us both to recognize that neither one of us is perfect, neither one of us is evil, we simply don't belong together. People have managed to have friendly divorces, I want to be in that group.

Happyout

Not to be sappy, but you guys just don't know how much I appreciate being able to communicate about this! You are all so nice, non-judgemental, and supportive. You totally rock!

24

Last straw?

by happyout in

so, my marriage has been in trouble for some time.

my husband and i have totally different goals, and ideas of "partnership".

the last few months have been even more difficult than usual, he has been out of work, and not picking up any extra load around the house.

happyout

My family will be very supportive, although I will try very hard not to give them too many details about the web site and other women. They are aware that we have been having problems, that might be enough.

My mother has offered to have a bible study with us, because of course the root of the problem is that we aren't serving God. Darn it all, if I would just pray more and be submissive, my life would be paradise right here on earth (total sarcasm for any newbies who might be confused).

Again, my thanks, I appreciate all the moral support.

Happyout

24

Last straw?

by happyout in

so, my marriage has been in trouble for some time.

my husband and i have totally different goals, and ideas of "partnership".

the last few months have been even more difficult than usual, he has been out of work, and not picking up any extra load around the house.

happyout

Do you think some counseling would help to see what's going on in his head? No, he's really hard to talk to, and is a complete master at turning things away from himself. We actually tried it once, but neither of us liked or respected the counselor. Plus, I really don't think counseling will change the essence of who he is, you know?

How long have you been married? Almost 9 years, together for 12. He was unfaithful a number of times when we were dating, but I really thought he would be different once we were married. At least, that's what he kept insisting. It's too late for me to regret that, after all if I hadn't married him I wouldn't have my wonderful son who is the light of my life.

I don't even know how to approach him about this. Last year I tried to gently tell him I didn't think it was working out, and wanted to try to separate as friends, and he got mad and started throwing things around (not at me) and just got stupid. I think it's the idea that I was willing to leave him more than any great love for me that ticked him off. His parents have both been divorced, and he has said many times he will never get divorced. He isn't likely to make it easy, no matter that there is good reason to break up, I am not looking forward to this conversation. I will try to put it off until the weekend, and maybe have someone watch my son while we talk, since I don't want him to hear any nasty things that might be said.

What a mess.

Happyout

24

Last straw?

by happyout in

so, my marriage has been in trouble for some time.

my husband and i have totally different goals, and ideas of "partnership".

the last few months have been even more difficult than usual, he has been out of work, and not picking up any extra load around the house.

happyout

You guys are great. I haven't shared any of this with anyone else yet, because A) I'm at work and B) it's hard to really accept that this is the last straw.

But it is, I won't have any self esteem left if I continue to put up with this, and I will be miserable. I left the Borg to be true to myself, I can leave my marriage for the same reason.

Thanks for all the comforting words.

Happyout

24

Last straw?

by happyout in

so, my marriage has been in trouble for some time.

my husband and i have totally different goals, and ideas of "partnership".

the last few months have been even more difficult than usual, he has been out of work, and not picking up any extra load around the house.

happyout

So, my marriage has been in trouble for some time. My husband and I have totally different goals, and ideas of "partnership". The last few months have been even more difficult than usual, he has been out of work, and not picking up any extra load around the house. I skip lunch most days so I can come home early, as he is in a 9 hour a week training program that meets in the evening. When I get home, the house isn't clean, there's no dinner made, and he is usually on the computer. I have asked more times than I can count for him to please help around the house, and he always has some excuse why he didn't or can't. He's in good health, doesn't have a part time job that limits his schedule, but chooses not to help as I ask. In addition, he has a "hobby" that costs us quite a bit of money. He wants it to be his career, but has never made any money at it. For purposes of anonymity, I can't go into details of that it is, but suffice it to say, it's a crowded industry that requires a hell of a lot of skill and good luck, and I don't really see it happening. He has charged lots of money on our credit cards, and even opened a new credit account. Since he's not working, he has been late on at least one payment that I know of, which could begin to negatively affect MY credit.

I decided to look on the computer last night, to see what sites he has been visiting. Lo and behold, I found out that he has a membership on an adult friend finder site, and has sent messages to various women offering to meet with them. I don't know if he has actually done so, but like I said, he has all day to do whatever he wants and I would never know. The only reason I haven't left already is because we have a young son, and I know it will be devestating for him if our family breaks up.

I really think this is the last straw for me. I will have to work with my son to help him get over the separation, but I simply don't want to be with this man anymore.

Any advice? Words of wisdom?

Happyout - really, really not happy right now

45

DATING 101: Dating Interacially and my opposite: Will it Work Out?

by stillAwitness in

so me and the guy i've been dating finally became offical since last night and its the first time in almost a year since i have been in a relationship.

and for once, i think i may have a winner.

but he is white...and 32...and plays the african drums..and teaches some weird dance in a school for kids having to do with cuban tribal dances..or something or other.

happyout

I'm black, and I once dated a great Italian guy. I was just starting my fade, so we had a lot of differences, one of the main ones that I wouldn't have sex. He took that ok, although he wanted to talk about it a lot. He was surprised to find out that black people could tan, it was funny, I came back from a cruise and he kept staring at me. I finally asked him what was wrong, and he was like, um, uh, can I just ask, um did you get darker? LOL, it was so funny to me, he was afraid to ask!

We also had totally different social styles, when I went to a party it was dancing, cards, and dominoes. When he went it was people standing around, maybe some dancing but not always, and drugs. He and his friends did a lot of drugs (like coke), but he held a good job and wasn't a low life. I never did drugs, and once he found that out, he made sure it was kept away from me. He was a really sweet guy.

He did mention that he would never be able to introduce me to his grandmother, because she would not accept a black person. His sisters and I got along great.

It didn't work out because of our differences, but there were no hard feelings on either side, and we remained friends for a long time.

Happyout (wishing I hadn't been too afraid to have sex with him, 'cause he was a hottie!)