Posts by Nickey

49

Crisis of Conscience

by Cheyannesways in

jw
friends

i am on the last chapter of this book!

i can hardly put it down.

have you all read it?

Nickey

I want to order the book, but want to be cautious in HOW to get it.

How does it arrive in the mail? I don't want my family seeing what it is. I just can't get my hands on the book. I wish it was a e-book.

38

What is wrong with my family?

by Nickey in

i love my family.

but i've been stressed and depressed because of them.

and i just need to gain some understanding.. being raised in a jw family laid alot of pressure and guilt on me.

Yes, I had a literal black eye. I woke up that morning on the day of my flight to finish up packing. I packed enough for 4 days and made it clear to everyone that I would return the following Monday and begin school.

However, the day before I was to leave, my grandfather called me on the phone and said my mother had called him saying I was "really" going. As if I was bluffing? So, she came to me and said she "changed her mind" about me going. I looked at her and said I was sorry if she no longer "agreed" with me going, but the choice was mine.

Ironically, 2 witnesses came to the door. The conversation was making me sick.

So I'm sitting there 3 hours before my flight and asked my mother if she could give me a ride to the airport. With only one car, I had no choice but to ask. She refused to answer and finally said "You're not going." That ticked me off so bad. But I bit my tongue and said I'd just call a cab. She started arguing with me and it escalated into yelling. I finally asked her what he problem was and she went into talking down on me. Always making it a point that Jehovah doesn't like children who disrespect their parents. I told her that her role as my mother had been revoked and I no longer saw her as a mother with the way she acts. I said some things out of anger...

I finally got up to leave the room and saw the phone on the table. She jumped up and pushed me away from the phone, trying to lock me out the room. I tried to reach the phone one more time and she punched me in the neck, grabbed my hair and tried to yank me to the ground. She started punching me in the head and face until I fell. Once she got me on the ground, she started pounding my head into the wall. My older sister came and pulled her off and she was screaming that I was a Demon.

An hour later, I got into a cab and caught a second flight to NYC....

I went to the Ground Zero site. That was a quiet moment for me. I kept thinking how no one from the WT could help anyone from the WTC... accept their "own". Winced at Bethel as I rode by on the subway. Stayed in Times Square by the Port Authority. Went to Harlem to see the Apollo. Saw so many places and I don't regret one bit of it. I plan on going back in a few months.

Yet on my way back (which I didn't want to go but had to get things straight with school) they called and said I couldn't come back. They kept me out for 3 weeks and I'm now behind on school... which is fine, because I plan on moving soon. I've had enough with this family.

Ironically again.... 2 witnesses came to the door when I came back.

WOLFS!

38

What is wrong with my family?

by Nickey in

i love my family.

but i've been stressed and depressed because of them.

and i just need to gain some understanding.. being raised in a jw family laid alot of pressure and guilt on me.

Nickey

Well.... I went to New York:

With a BLACK eye.

Yeap... think it's time I put some miles between my family and I. But, I still had a good time in New York. I enjoyed myself better than I thought.

41

what are your special powers?

by SpiceItUp in

jw
friends

back when i was younger every dream i would have would come true.

it kinda freaked me out since they were not always good dreams.

i don't remember too many of my dreams anymore but a couple weeks ago i did and it did partially come true the very next day.

Nickey

You know, I've noticed something since being here on the boards.

Most of the people I've run across on here seem to have a strong 6th sense. Even a sense or feeling that the "truth" wasn't the truth.

Plagued with guilt because of the lingering doubts. Yet you've always felt "something" was wrong. Some may need blatant proof to leave. But others start their research on their own without being told. More keen in catching things done in the society that others don't seem to notice.

Those who keep getting poked by doubts and being told it's "just satan" when really it may be something else. Something inside you trying to guide you.

I think the WTBS is full of supressed souls.

This is a case of severe hunger. I need a snickers bar.

41

what are your special powers?

by SpiceItUp in

jw
friends

back when i was younger every dream i would have would come true.

it kinda freaked me out since they were not always good dreams.

i don't remember too many of my dreams anymore but a couple weeks ago i did and it did partially come true the very next day.

Nickey

I have a strong 6th sense as well when it comes to things. Mostly other people. But maybe I'm just paranoid.

But really, something has been happening for about 3 years now that's starting to bug me. I'm not one of those supernatural fanatics and I've never really researched or bothered to look at things like that. Afterall, I was still a JW and having these experiences made me feel evil.

Anyway, everytime I look at a clock or someone asks me the time, it always says 2:11. And everytime I catch that time, something bad happens. I keep this to myself because I don't want people thinking I'm loony.

One night, I dreamed that my boyfriend fell off a scooter and hurt himself. Which was weird because it was silly thinking a grown man would be riding a toy scooter. But even still it scared me and I woke up. I looked at the clock and it was 2:11. The next day he came to me with a bandaid on. I asked him what happened and he said rented the new electronic scooter for fun and fell off.

Next, I got caught in 2:11 all week. I could see no other time and I finally had to tell my mother. She told me it was just the demons playing with my mind. So I took it as that and covered my eyes everytime I walked passed a clock. Finally, I saw a new time except they all had 11 tacked on. 10:11, 9:11, 4:11. This was a week or so before 9/11.

It happened occasionally after that with small incidents.

Lastly, it came back after a long time gone. I thought I had gotten a break from it. But I looked up one night and there it was. 2:11. I went to google and typed up houston texas. Which didn't make any sense whatsover to me because I've never been interested going there. The next day, the columbia shuttle incident and the man on the news had to say Houston Texas. I felt bad because I waited all night for something to happen and had the gut feeling when I woke up.

That was it. I yanked my clocks out. And I feel guilty and crazy. 2:11 came back. And I don't know what's in the grab bag this time.

11

JW email about fornication

by crownboy in

jw
friends

i got this email recently from a jw friend:one person's sobering experience (please read).

i've recently had a very thought provoking experience.. i was playing basketball with some guys i used to know from high school.. like all basketball players we were talking trash.. .

i noticed there was a dress suit hanging up on the fence.. so i said to one of the guys (who i knew from high school),.

Nickey

I wouldn't really know. But it sounds a bit made up to me. Why would the men tell him their whole plan and blow their cover if they were actually doing such a thing? Why is there a dress suit just sitting on the fence that belongs to nobody?

Honestly, these types of stories always seem to pop up to cause fear and paranoia.... Does a talking/walking smurf ring a bell?

I'm not saying it's true or false. But it sounds a bit blown out of proportion.

38

What is wrong with my family?

by Nickey in

i love my family.

but i've been stressed and depressed because of them.

and i just need to gain some understanding.. being raised in a jw family laid alot of pressure and guilt on me.

Nickey

Thanks so much for the encouragement and kind words. I literally had a nightmare upon sleeping and woke up nervous and tired. But I'm glad I got to read some encouragement. My reason for going to New York is for my relationship. It's been very difficult for us to maintain it and we decided to finally make moves to patch it up and make future plans. I know they don't approve of him because he's not one of "us". But I never had the "us" vs. "them" mentality. I find myself getting more and more angry everytime they whip out an article the society has written on being obedient.

I had to inch in getting my viewpoints in. The type of family I have is, if you say something they disagree with, they'll dismiss it as a "childish statement" and/or try to out yell you. I respect my grandfather and realize that he's older and more experienced. But it doesn't make him right in everything. Even now he's making some mistakes that could get him disfellowshipped. Him and my mother both do things on the sly that they know would get them disfellowshipped. And I see that as double standards.

The thing that bothers me the most is using the fear tactic with me. Telling me I'll make God angry and I'll die at armageddom. That fear was put in me from early childhood and I find myself having panic attacks. I tried to talk it over with my older sister. And it just frustrated me how the only thing that could come out of her mouth was that she didn't want to displease Jehovah and that "we" should listen to them because they know more than we do. My sister is turning 25 years old this year and see's nothing wrong sitting in her room watching tv all day. My mother said to me one day that the age in which children should leave their parents house is after 30. And even still she wants to buy property and build our houses right next to each other or have me live downstairs and her upstairs. Way out in the suburbs so when the tribulation comes, we'll be away from the chaos.

I decided to finally live my life instead of living in fear everyday over when the tribulation would come. Because each day that passes is another day gone. The JW way is just not my way. I don't feel I was put on this earth to live every day in fear and to be controlled. I know I'm still young. But I don't want to look up and see myself 30+ and in the same position. I understand the natural concern. But the way they come at me with horror stories and laying guilt and anxiety on me... that really affects me.

Making this move is bold of me. But I knew I had to do it someday. I can only hope that my sisters can benefit from what I'm trying to do. The "middle child" has done it again....

38

What is wrong with my family?

by Nickey in

i love my family.

but i've been stressed and depressed because of them.

and i just need to gain some understanding.. being raised in a jw family laid alot of pressure and guilt on me.

Nickey

I love my family. But I've been stressed and depressed because of them. And I just need to gain some understanding.

Being raised in a JW family laid alot of pressure and guilt on me. And now I'm finding myself having a hard time making a full transition to adulthood. I'm 22 years old, but still having problems with being independent. When I do try to make decisions for myself, I find myself being told that I'm just a child who doesn't know anything and that if I do what they oppose to, then I'd make Jehovah unhappy and make Satan smile. That has always been used against me. "Jehovah doesn't like that." "Oh, you want to make satan happy?"

I made the choice to make a 4 day trip to New York for personal reasons that they disagree with. Once again it was explained that I'm not mature enough to go and that if I go, I'd go against Jehovah because New York is a filthy and dangerous place. I've been in a relationship for 6 years. And yes, he's not in the "truth". But to be honest, I never intended on being in a relationship with another JW because I'm sick of the strict nature. I'm sick of the attitudes everytime I go to a meeting. The gossip and judgements. And I've been labeled a "rebel" because of that. I'm trying to move forward with my life.

People say to just move out, but my family are ridiculous and actually try to literally block me on some things. One independent move sends them up in arms and literally in my face trying to put me back in my place. I found myself on the phone with my grandfather tonight.... and that nearly broke my heart how he shot me down. I felt so belittled.

"You're nothing but a child and know nothing. Listen to your mother and do what she says. Do you want to make Jehovah unhappy? Jehovah wants you to do the right thing. And that is to listen to your mother."

He then went on telling me about horror stories about New York. I could be attacked, raped... he was putting the fear into me trying to make me change my mind. Why? Because my mother called him and asked him to "talk" to me.

I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes because I just don't understand. Am I the crazy one?

What is wrong with my family?

12

Need some advice :(

by Nickey in

i'm in the middle of a heartbreaking moment and don't know who to ask or turn to.. i've been in a relationship for 7 years.

most of it was long distance, but we still communicated through emails and phone calls and planned to visit each other until we could come together again.

he left for new york last year and said he would try to start his own business and i would then plan on moving to be with him when we both finished school.

Nickey

Thanks again for the advice. I took a while off to gather my thoughts. My emotions were running wild. I've been battling with two sides. One side wants to kick him to the curb. And the other wants to resolve.

I do hold him responsible. But I also put part of the blame on this other woman. She was aware that we were having relationship problems and latched onto him as a "Friend" while we were together. Our biggest problem was missing each other due to the distance and we would fight over petty things. And he would go to her for advice. Of course she used that to her advantage and added extra sugar in her attitude. While I feel she manipulated and fooled him, I also feel that he is just as wrong for allowing it to go that far. I can only hope he learns from this.

I truly love him with all my heart. But at the same time, I don't want to be gullible and easy. So, I will try to review everything and not jump to any conclusions just yet. My mind is so confused right now as far as what to do. And the pain is still there...

24

The Watchtower's Yearly Rejection of Jesus Christ

by metatron in

it's that time again - that special time of the year when 6 million jehovah's witnesses meet together to reject the.

symbols of christian salvation.. never mind that jesus clearly said "he that feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has everlasting life, and i shall resurrect.

him on the last day" (john 6:54) - in a plain reference to those who hoped in the general resurrection.. never mind that jesus is called the "one mediator between god and man" ( 1 tim.2:5).

Nickey

Well, I just got back from the memorial....

Sad, confused and guilty... of course.