Saint Patrick's Day Bar Troubleshooting | ||
SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique. SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation. SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Floor swaying. FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress. ACTION: Insert broom handle down back of jacket. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strip across it. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up, latch yourself to bar. SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark. FAULT: The Bar is closing. ACTION: Panic. SYMPTOM: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet. You cannot see your bedroom. FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter. ACTION: Check your watch to see if bars are open yet. If not, treat yourself to a lie-in. |
Posts by fairy
-
2
Saint patricks day bar troubleshooting
by fairy insaint patrick's day bar troubleshooting
action: find someone who will buy you another beer.
action: find someone who will buy you another beer.
-
fairy
-
11
MAKING A FUNNY PHONECALL 2 BETHELS.
by badboy in.
any1 ever thought of doing 1.. there is a service that offers **** up(sp?).
eg.u have got my daughter pregnant etc etc..
-
fairy
mary,
you are just sooooooooooo goooooooooood!!
-
39
How many here use Intel, AMD, dont know what the hell they have?
by pr_capone injust out of curiosity.... how many of you here have an intel processor in their computer.
how many have amd?
how many dont know what they are using?
-
fairy
i have a amd athlon 700
-
18
You Aussies, Is this true?
by rekless ini met some friends from austrailia and we were talking politics.
they said that everybody in austrailia had to vote.
if you did not vote you are fined.
-
fairy
witnesses here in australia can vote if they want - its up to their conscience and if they dont want to vote, they give a good reason as mentioned in a previous post
-
6
From selling the literature to Donation a basis
by sandy ini was wondering why the society went from selling their literature to a donation basis.
does anyone have any information on this?
-
fairy
I forgot something........even at the kingdom hall they dont pay for the books and magazines like they did before......you go to the counter, ask for what you want and then make a "donation"
-
6
From selling the literature to Donation a basis
by sandy ini was wondering why the society went from selling their literature to a donation basis.
does anyone have any information on this?
-
fairy
It has been that way here in australia for some time.
It happened right after the government brought in the "GST" - goods and services tax.
The donation thing is so they dont have to pay tax.
-
110
Are You A Man Or A Woman???
by minimus in.
i don't know if it's just me but at times i get confused as to who's male or female here.
for the record, i'm a man.
-
fairy
woman
-
5
Numerology.................anyone follow or have comments?
by Sunnygal41 inwould appreciate a fair commentary to follow...........strong feelings will certainly be evident and invaluable.........yes, ab, that means you!
anyhoo, another list i'm involved in posted a commentary on the letter 22.............turns out at least 6 of us checked in as having a birthday of 22.....so of course, i'd like to see who on this list was born on the twenty-second of whatever month............. .
terri, definitely of the red flag before a bull named abaddon class!
-
fairy
whether i really believe it or not - it does interest me.
-
45
Liquor/Mixed Drink survey
by dustyb inok, i've done the beer survey, now its the mixed drinks survey.. i personally like the 4 horseman (1/4 jack 1/4 rum 151, 1/4 everclear, and 1/4 tequila).
it'll put you on your ass quick.
i also like a good bull buster (yager w/ red bull).
-
fairy
Hey reboot..........ZOMBIE is my absolute favourite drink as well!!
-
13
10 hours a month service ?I need help to trace ..
by mouthy ini have a man visiting me on a regular basis to find out how to help his wife get free from the wt.... they have been married 21 years & he is going through so much... loves her very much but she deny's any thing he brings up.
she say the wt never suggest 10 hours a month of sevice .
i cant find anything in their print about this.
-
fairy
I remember when they read the report things out they would say about the average and if we were doing under that then we should try and at least do that ..........some had trouble putting in 2 hrs a month