I think you'll find that a lot of us here are dealing with life just as you described it with our perspective "trapped in the troof" JW spouses. Mine is much the same as yours. The WT as a guide to my faith was shattered not long after I was baptised. My wife had been baptised for a couple of years and I finally relented to having a study. It wasn't long after I was baptised that I realized that every decision made was filtered through the WTBS some kinda way and that control or my life and very future was slipping away. I felt that eveything I wanted to do......I damn near had to ask permission from our study partners as whether or not I could do anything. I made the change....the wife did not.
The learning about the "real truth" about the borg came much later, after much trepidation, with a shakily typed in "Jehovahs- witnesses" on an internet search engine.
Sharing anything negative about the organization was an absolute act of futility, even when it could be proven that they were flat out wrong and going way beyond what is actually written in the Bible, hence now, unless it affects me directly, I keep my comments about the org to a minimum and go into stoney silence which she has come to interpret as non-interest "I'm through with listening to you" when she talks of her "spiritual" activities.
My wife also is totally closed minded about the religion and cannot see why her once zealous husband no longer participates. in an effort to rationalize , I am "depressed", "unbalanced" or "crazy" .
My wife does something similar. She rationalizes that I'm "stumbled" because the elder body at the hall we used to go to together basically pronounced me a spiritual savage since I decided to go back to school and educate myself so that I could better support us.
My wife, I believe, has doubts about her religion?she will allow any excuse to keep her from regular meeting attendance and her allotment of four or five magazines regularly pile up since she tends to be irregular in service?and is "blessed" with a heavy dose of natural stubbornness.
I believe mine does too, but being the "grown up around the truth all her family is in it" dub she is, she'd be very loath and plain just will not let herself admit it. She also takes every opportunity to miss a meeting, service, or any assembly if I have some fun planned.....and boy....do I plan a lot.
Recently I took her on a business trip with me and she packed her "meeting" cloths claiming that she'd go to a local service or maybe out in service one day while I was out. NEVER HAPPENED!!!! ...and I'd done absolutely nothing to get in her way.
They wanted to continue going to meeting and i kept my mouth shut till i could see they didn't want the jw life anymore.
I did the very same thing with my kids. The wife would always come home irritated that the kids were bored and were beginning to actually scoff at what they were hearing from the platform and expect me to "get on their case" to get them in line. I wouldn't, and when I'd finally see that they'd had enough, I'd intervene and make sure that their choice not to go to meetings were respected. We're empty nesters now, happily, so that isn't so much of a problem anymore.
It took some time for my wife to see that I was not abandoning her or God, but, I was abandoning the blatherings of the old geezers in Brooklyn. I make it a point to confirm verbally my love for her everyday and she reciprocates, but as long as she clings to the WT organization as having the "truth", I know it'll always be the third person silent interference in our lives.
