Miss.Fit

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Posts by Miss.Fit

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  151

  If you don't believe in God where do you get the strength to cope?

  by Miss.Fit in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i know there are some here that are going through some tough times.

  some of you do not believe in god.

  some are not sure.. i was told recently by a friend to pray to god for help and he would comfort me.. my first impulse is to pray.

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  Miss.Fit

  My daughter asked me if I was still visiting that depressing web site (I had read her a very sad post about a dfd son saying goodby to his parents. We were both in tears)

  And she promised to stayin schooI. So that was one relief. So I was . My sualising the steps I needed to take.

  Then my daughter comes to me and gives me a big hug and kiss and says I love you mom. Maybe you should visit some puppy websites. Nobody can look at puppies and still feel sad.

  I didn't look at puppies...I did start a search about suicide prevention a d found a free down load book.

  Thank you for having that on your site.

  I also spent yestdrday reaching out to my sisters and family.

  Im too tired to kill myself. I have too much to do to get ready.

  I think i need to teach my daughter to drive first. I have to clean out my locker at work. I have to clean
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  151

  If you don't believe in God where do you get the strength to cope?

  by Miss.Fit in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i know there are some here that are going through some tough times.

  some of you do not believe in god.

  some are not sure.. i was told recently by a friend to pray to god for help and he would comfort me.. my first impulse is to pray.

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  Miss.Fit

  I know there are some here that are going through some tough times. Some of you do not believe in god. Some are not sure.

  I was told recently by a friend to pray to god for help and he would comfort me.

  My first impulse is to pray. But now I find myself hesitating.

  So where do you get your strength from to face your adversities?

  I feel adrift. I was very low. Ididn't know where to turn.

  Usually I would pray but now I am not sure anyone is listening or cares.

  I found my self visualising my death. How people would react . What my family would do. Would they even notice.

  Im so tired of living. I just want to curl in a ball and cease to exist. I even walked through the steps in my head.

  I figured life would go on without me. My familyis set. They dont need me. But I couldnt figure an easy way. I dont have sleeping pills. I dont think I could shoot myself. I thought about walking into the lake.

  But then I thought of my daughter who is starting college, she doesnt drive. Would she still go?

  So I went to her and asked her if something happened to me would you promise me you will still go to school?
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  Suicide Prevention Resource

  by mrs rocky2 in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  i received this information today.

  i hope you find it helpful.

  - mrs rocky.

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  Miss.Fit

  Thank you. I needed that. I am reading now. Any other sites or info?
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  16

  apologies to ubms.....confessions from the o

  by Miss.Fit in

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  2. friends
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  Miss.Fit

  @garyneal: it is really hard to stay out if you have jw family close by.

  My mom lived out of state so it was easier on me. Is your wife close with your side of the family?

  I thinkin my case I wanted the social part. The only friends I had were JWs.

  I wish you and your wife all the best.
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  16

  apologies to ubms.....confessions from the o

  by Miss.Fit in

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  2. friends
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  Miss.Fit

  To my dear husband:

  I never told you this: I used to hate it when someone would ask about you. They wouldn be sympathtic because you wers an UBM. They would ask if you were opposed ..just think how much encouragment and sympathy i would have gotten if I could tell them you were opposed and abusive. But I was boring my hubby never stood in my way.

  It was very hard to leave you at home. Then when the kids got older , they stayed home.

  I just wanted to say that I now know I dont have to put myself through that anymore.

  You might have notice d that I have been home more and more lately. I am tired of the yo yo

  I choose you. I choose us. I believe a god of love would approve.

  Thank you f or supporting me and giving me unconditional love.

  Your loving wife
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  16

  apologies to ubms.....confessions from the o

  by Miss.Fit in

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  2. friends
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  Miss.Fit

  @garyneal: how did you meet? Did she tell you up front she was a JW? Is she trying to go back?
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  16

  apologies to ubms.....confessions from the o

  by Miss.Fit in

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  2. friends
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  Miss.Fit

  To my dear husband:

  You never knew that I was already grieving for you in my heart. I really believed gods judgment was coming. But I knew you. You have a good heart. If I could see it , why couldnt Jehovah? It must be me. I am not winning you by my conduct. After all I miss a lot of meetings, I compromise a lot... we go to your grandmas birthday reunion and Easter dinner. Sure I can rationize it but I am a bad example and so it will be my fault when you die.

  I would come home from the assembly and tell you I was going to go back to meetings and get active. You would just smile. You knew. For 26 years you have watched me yo yo bac k and forth. You knew I would always c hoose you. But you were wise enough to let me figure it out my self.

  I never told you this... sometimes I secretly wished you would ask me to stay home with you. If you had somethng planned I would have stayed. You make a good excuse. People know I have an Ubm and so I have an excuse.

  You were very smart. You never put me on the defensive. You just let me know your view and accepted my right to have my view. We agreed that we would not force a religon on our kids. You told me I could take the kidd but if they did not want to go they did not have to . I am sorry if I ever made you feel2nd best. Y
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  16

  apologies to ubms.....confessions from the o

  by Miss.Fit in

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  2. friends
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  Miss.Fit

  All: sorry about my posting. I am posting on my phone. It only lets me write so much and then I have to submit before I lose it.

  @garyneal: thatis the point I am trying to get accross. Most nonJws. will not be able to understand that concept. Was your wife raised in ? We are taught that we must follow the org. Instructions and we if we dont we are disobeying Jehovah. So in that sense we did

  choose our mates over our religion. Being on this site has made me understand the mind control.

  But the guiltis very real and constant.At the meetings we are told about how disloyal it is. Do you know how hard it was to sit through the "dont marry unbelievers " articles? I was in tears. I felt I had betrayed god. But I also knew what a loving man I had married. B ut I was told how he would die at the great T. Then I would feel guilty because I couldnt get him in.

  The thing is he never misrepresented himself...I knew exactly what I was getting. I dont think he could say the same.
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  16

  apologies to ubms.....confessions from the o

  by Miss.Fit in

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  2. friends
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  Miss.Fit

  You never did forgive my mother for not coming to our wedding. She said she couldnt afford to make the trip. I knew if I asked you, you would have paid her way. I think it was easier this way. I did not invite my middle sister because I did not want to put her in an akward position. My sis...well she came any way...I should have known.

  I am so sorry that I equated loving you and marrying you with sinning. I never told you that. What we have together should be celebrated.

  My dear husband you have been so patient with me.

  For the first 2 years of our marriage.. I was totaly inactive. Remember when you took me to your mom's house and we all went out on her land and chopped down a christmas tree? That was my first christmas. I really tried but I could not get into it.

  One day a J W sister came to the door. I really cant explain why I felt the need to go back. I felt I had a chance to redeem myself.

  You did not standin my way. You told me if it made me happy to do it but you didn't believe in it. You always said you didn't need a

  group to tell you how to worship god. I never told you how lonely I felt going to the meetings without you. I would see couples together and feel sad. I did not listen to the orgs. Counsel.. I was unevenly yoked...and it was my choice.

  I never told you that one of my burdens wad knowing
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  16

  apologies to ubms.....confessions from the o

  by Miss.Fit in

  1. jw
  2. friends
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  Miss.Fit

  Sorry having trouble posting.

  I let you know up front that I was saving myself for my future husband. I was not interested in casual sex. You agreed you would respect my wishes.

  Looking back , I see how selfish I was being. I wanted the best of both worlds. I knew I wouldnt be dfd for dating but being imoral was another story.

  My heart was divided. I knew deep down I was going to have to make a choice. you asked me to marry you. Remember how I told you I had to think about it?

  You didn't know ....I couldnt find a way to explain what was at stake for me...or how it would affect you. but what you didn't know was when I gave myself to you ..that was my answer.. I knew then I had choosen a life with you and had turned my back on everything I was taught and believed. I knew I had sinned against god by not waiting for my wedding night.

  I saw myself as dead I knew I wouldnt see paradise. I also knew better than to confess. I knew what happened.

  Your family embraced me.