Dear dog
I feel very much for you as I was in a similar situation. I was an elder but knew deep down that shunning is a wrong thing to do especially family members. After a shepherding call with a brother whose mother disassociated I couldn't bear it any longer. I also had some other doubts.
I am a very honest person and it really makes me sick to pretend things. So I wrote the elders that I would like to step back because of my doubts. I wrote in detail about shunning, that I can't approve of Jehovah ordering killings of children in the old testament and also in armaggeddon, that I don't believe the flood was global and therefore my conscience doesn't allow me to be an elder. They understood my decision and also my wife understood but was sad about it.
Then followed to years of studying many topics of my belief. I really tested my religion and I found out things that made it so hard to me to remain even a publisher. The last thing was the blood doctrin. I read most articles here in the medical folder. Especially the letter a brother called Vinny wrote and also the Jensen letters opened my eyes.
As my wife found out about my true feelings she became very cold towards me, she kind of thinks I betrayed her spiritually even though I am kind and tolerant to her.I hope that we can manage to stay together and that our relationship gets better. I can tell you I buried my doubts but they came back. I feel much better now because I followed myconscience. I am not an unbeliever. I still believe in a creator and kind of built my own faith based on pacifism, human rights and love towards humans and creation and science.I wish you all the best and think of you. You can always send me a private message. Daniel