Posts by KiddingMe

21

Elder's attitude to dating a non-believer vs acting like a Christian

by ItsMyLife in

i've not been on here for quite some time, due to personal reasons.. i have been dating a wonderful man for nearly 11 months now.

he's a non-practicing cofe christian.

i am a recently inactive jw (oh, how i regret getting baptized at 15).. my dad is an elder.

KiddingMe

I agree, it is all about control and doesn't make any sense. I see so many similarities in your story. My husband got DF'd for dating me and having a child. I was the unbeliever. We did not marry nor was he was not reinstated until over a year after our child was born. During that year his parents delt mostly with me on a daily basis because they babysat our baby and my other child from a previous relationship. We got along well. His mother would even come over to our place and visit me and the children (their DF'D son, my boyfriend at the time, would stay in the bedroom). It wasn't until I was close to getting baptized that it dawn on me that her visits were also a source to get field service time as she was a regular pioneer. That may not heve been her only intention and probably an excuse to give her husband for visiting and/or it could have been a way for her to check up a little on her son, who knows?-It's warped thinking but allowed her to justify feeding into her human side. My point is, if its enough wiggle room for a JW to use and not bring reproach on Jehovah they may use it. Most parents want their children happy and want to support.

As far as them attending your wedding, I can understand how hard that is. That's another crazy thing, my inlaws attended their bible study's ceremony at the justice of the peace but couldn't attend ours at the justice of the peace, of course he was disfellowshipped but even if he wasn't they couldn't because I was an unbeliever.

This brings me to another point, your other difficult situation, I assume your son is from a believer. That's sort of where I am with my children, trying figure out how to keep them from getting baptized. My husband currently is not aware of my doubts, and there is some pressure for them to get baptized. I'm stilling researching and trying to figure out my own feelings before I can address this but It will not be long before I need to take a stand for their sake. I imagine you will eventually have to do the same. Aside from all the other issues bought on growing up as a witness, If he gets baptized and you are no longer in you will run into the same issues you are going through now if he ever decides to get married, will you be able to attend the wedding? I can understand to a degree what you are going through.

21

Elder's attitude to dating a non-believer vs acting like a Christian

by ItsMyLife in

i've not been on here for quite some time, due to personal reasons.. i have been dating a wonderful man for nearly 11 months now.

he's a non-practicing cofe christian.

i am a recently inactive jw (oh, how i regret getting baptized at 15).. my dad is an elder.

KiddingMe

A sister was "marked" in our congregation several years ago after marrying an unbeliever, a Muslim (if it matters, I really don't think it would have made a difference what, if any religion he was). Her brother who is an elder gave the marking talk. The whole thing didn't make since to me because she obviously hadn't fornicated (or they had no proof) because she was not DF'd but they felt the need to mark her. The Organize book says, "The loving concern and firm stand of faithful members of the congregation could indeed move the disorderly one to shame and repentance. When it is clearly evident that the individual has abandoned his disorderly course, it would no longer be necessary to treat him as a marked individual." I remember thinking, how could she abandon her disorderly course or show repentance, get a divorce? Their actions seemed contrary to the "Organize" book's explanation for marking since she had no course to correct. I drew the conclusion that, the marking was only to shame her (there was no course to correct) but more importantly a formality to let everyone else know that what she did was not condoned and to keep others from doing the same.

From what I could tell nothing really changed as far as how she was treated nor did I recognize when or if she ever officially became "unmarked". I could be a little confused on the "unmarked" part, maybe they don't do this. Currently, she is an active member and seem very happy. She has a good relationship with her witness relatives. Her children from the "unevely yoked" marriage attend the meetings with her and have a close bond with their cousins (the children of the elder brother that gave the talk). I've never seen or met the husband.

Do you think your dad is saying he cant support your relationship because you are not married and as a formality he cant condone your relationship with a nonbeliever but would be different if you ever got married? Witnesses have dinner all the time with other witnesses and their unbelieving mates. Maybe he can't outwardly support the relationship now but wouldn't he have to eventually come around if you were to marry? If you married and had marital problems and you went to him or any other elders aren't they suppose to support and encourage you to stay with your unbelieving mate?

22

YAY!!! My first time being shunned and it was humorous to say the least

by confusedandalone in

a good friend of mine invited me to a party after her meeting on sunday.

i told her i was not going any longer and she doesn't care.

she also let us know that no other witnesses would be there.

KiddingMe

I agree with Perversion of the Truth in regard to "I remember a few times when I was younger finding out a close friend was to be DF'ed and going and hanging out with them or to the movies before the announcement was made, because until that happens it's still fair game". When I heard the rumors about a dear sister, I hadn't been as close as I use to, I made it a point to reach out to her before the announcement and made it clear that while we hadn't spoken as much lately, that I cared for her and was there if she needed anything. I didn't want her to think I was fishing for info so I left it at that.

15

SCAN NEEDED - The Watchtower 1927

by Nebeska Nada in

september 1, 1927, page 260.. .

can somebody scan it, please?.

tito.

KiddingMe

Marked

153

Shocking talk from 2013 District Convention urges parents to shun disfellowshipped children

by cedars in

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yldwe_6jsu.

.

cedars.

KiddingMe

Marked

85

The final chapter in the confusedandalone story...

by confusedandalone in

this morning i get a frantic call from my sister (who has been baptized 1 year and one month and never attends meetings anymore).

in tears she tells me that this morning my father picked her up in the car and told her that i was am apostate.

that i no longer loved jehovah and that i was going to be disfellowshipped.

KiddingMe

Thanks for sharing your stories...been following them for a while now. Your strength is admired.

134

Another story... possibly final story

by confusedandalone in

this is the exchange of text messages i had with my super spiritual brother.

it is sad... it is pathetic... it has helped me realize that i have no connection to these people anymore.

i feel free today.

KiddingMe

I was just thinking, how selfish is it if your brother is getting the ball rolling on your df, when he knows that it could interfere with your parents' "cons hints" in receiving your assistance? You would think that he would keep his mouth shut (at least until they get the money) since he can't help.

Maybe he is a tad jealous of your new found freedom and means to help your parents, while he is slaving for Jah?

134

Another story... possibly final story

by confusedandalone in

this is the exchange of text messages i had with my super spiritual brother.

it is sad... it is pathetic... it has helped me realize that i have no connection to these people anymore.

i feel free today.

KiddingMe

I am so sorry if your brother is escalating this situation. This should come about on your terms not his. The brothers didnt have a problem with you about a month ago when they requested your assistance in employment opportunities. Don't be surprise if they show you copies of your text to your brother especially regarding the cigars. I hate to be spiteful but if so, no loan until after the JC decision. - I'd be like, "Hey dad, I can't access the funds been so busy with these JC meetings, my brother bought on, here's a little something to carry you for the next month, hopefully I can get you squared away by then."

134

Another story... possibly final story

by confusedandalone in

this is the exchange of text messages i had with my super spiritual brother.

it is sad... it is pathetic... it has helped me realize that i have no connection to these people anymore.

i feel free today.

KiddingMe

"I have to say though that I have kind of begun to just look at them with pity. They are trapped - yet they feel I am the one backed up in a corner."

I kind of agree with this view and think it may be a good approach to take. Remember, they are acting in harmony with what the org has ingrained into their conscience. In their mind, they are doing what they are suppose to do by being overly concerned with the status of your spirituality and shunning if you reject. This is suppose to be a "loving" way of bringing you to your senses. In their mind they have no choice but it is you that chose to leave Jehovah. The recent DC reinforced dealings with DF family members even saying something like Jesus said that if we put any human before him that blood is not thicker than holy spirit. So with so much recent push from the org regarding apostate and DF ones, it's no wonder they are that way. You are free of that thinking, while they are not.

I get that if they feel that way about you they shouldn't want your money, but this could be a good lesson or eye opener for your parents & any other witness relatives. Most parents dont want to be a burden, and they will remember who came through for them. As others stated, kill them with kindness. The things your brother stated was crazy...it made me think of the older brother in the Prodigal Son video...so self righteous, even sounded a little jealous of the fun the other brother was having.

68

More fear and paranoia WT-style! (11/15/13 WT)

by LostGeneration in

i usually dismiss the "drinking the kool aid" scenarios that are posted from time to time, but the latest wt has another bit of fearmongering.

the quote from page 20, para 17. elders who are reading this article can draw some useful conclusions from the account we have just considered: (1) the most practical step that we can take to prepare for the coming attack of the assyrian is that of strengthening our faith in god and helping our brothers to do the same.

(2) when the assyrian attacks, the elders must be absolutely convinced that jehovah will deliver us.

KiddingMe

" At that time, the lifesaving direction that we receive from Jehovah’s organization may not appear practical from a human standpoint. All of us must be ready to obey any instructions we may receive, whether these appear sound from a strategic or human standpoint or not."

This may be a way to justify having to break human/government laws at the request of the organization...

or a way to prepare "us" for any type of solid negative media attention/court cases that may be coming out that they want to be disregarded. Such as demonstrated in the drama at the DC, there was a band on the preaching work. If something similar were to occur, with access now to the Internet so many witnesses would have the ability to gather more facts from "reputable" media sources as to what caused the band (or court case) and if there searches showed any validity to the claims they may draw doubts. Meanwhile, the elders need to stand guard and be ready straighten the thinking of any such ones.