I threw myself into school and taking care of my sons.
After completing school, I moved and threw myself into volunteering at our local community recreation center. I have been involved with them for 6 years. (Actually I was there this morning helping with Baseball/Softball Opening Day Cermonies. I was also very embarassed because they called me out on the field to tell me thank you for all I had done. It was the first time I think anyone outside my immediate family has told me thank you in that way.)
But I did over do it. I couldn't stop because I thought to much. It kept my mind completely full, so I had no time to think about things that bothered me.
I finally learned how to slow down a little last year to do things I enjoy. Photography and gardening and my husband (not necessiliary in that order). I still coach soccer but I'm not at the park 20 - 40 hours a week anymore.
Now that I have found this site a lot of my questions are being answered. I have felt alone for so long regarding religion, but now I am finding peace. I'm not there yet, but my heart isn't as heavy as it has been for over 20 years.
If running full force and never slowing down a crutch. I have had/have a big crutch.
Mystery
JoinedPosts by Mystery
-
10
Do you think x-JW's need a crutch?
by digderidoo ini have thought this for a while...that when you leave the org, it's as though a vaccuum needs to filled.
when i left i threw myself into politics, it was as if i needed something to do with my mind and thoughts.
this lasted about three years or so, but even now i drink more than perhaps i should, as though i can escape through drink.
-
-
Mystery
-
13
Secret sins of the JW's
by freedom96 inthe witnesses are all so pure!
ha ha.. seriously though: when you take all the witnesses from all over, how many really are pure and follow the rules perfectly?
how many are really sinning against the wts?
-
-
Mystery
Judgemental
Regardless of what is SAID after you are DF'd and reinstated you are still judged. -
-
-
Mystery
Thank you for supporting us. Take care and stay safe.
-
39
Happy about having been a JW?
by Brummie inare you happy to have been a jw?
is there a constructive side in it all for you?
or do you wish you had never seen their culty smiles?.
-
-
Mystery
Someone ask me once "If I had not have been a JW what do I think would have been different?" I told them, I probably would not shoot as many fireworks on the 4th of July. I probably wouldn't have a birthday cake at my age. I would probably spell Christmas with an X (X-mas).
Happy about being a JW?
Except for the complete uncertanity of everything Biblical.
Except for the complete confusion growing up that NONE of my school mates were good enough to live in Paradise.
Except for having to explain to class mate why I didn't get anything for Christmas. Or of suffering through the embarrassment of every time some said "Merry Christmas" listening my mom explain why Christmas was "wrong"! Even at Wal-Mart!!!!!! Or a stranger saying "bless you" in passing because you sneezed, being lectured on why it was not appropriate to say that. (I bet none of those people EVER said "Bless you" again to someone they didn't know!)
Except for not being able to talk to a friend that I had had forever! because I was DF'ed for a mistake.
Except for not being able to forget the LAWS and RULES of the WTBTS so much that they still affect my life today.
Except for me NEEDING to read this forum to know that I am not crazy because I still have these feelings.
Except for me still being up at almost 1am trying to understand why I am still confused instead of being wrapped up beside my husband in bed.
Except for me having to answer questions regarding God to my sons, and about death.
Except for all of those things being a JW wasn't so bad. -
18
My life story... by Confuzcious.
by confuzcious inhello friends,.
since i'm not going to the memorial for the first time since i've became a witness, i wanted to post my "j dub" life story as a form of therapy.. i guess i'm posting this here, also, as sort of a refreshment for others who taken this road.
after much study, i've finally disassociated myself - in my heart at least.
-
-
Mystery
I wish you continued success...
And a real peace within yourself. -
3
Some Kirap For Thought
by somebody inthis is what the watchtower feed the public on it's officail web site for the public to read:.
jehovah's witnesses: who are they?
"actually, jehovah's witnesses are interested in you and your welfare.
-
-
Mystery
Your Friends?
I thought JW's were the ONLY ONES that would live forever. Why would they want "friends" that did not have the same promise as themselves? -
19
Salute the flag
by manon induring my childhood growing up jw while in grammar school saluting the flag or reciting the pledge of allegiance was practice every morning in our classrooms.
before the begining of every school year my mother would have a talk with my new teachers about our religious beliefs and practices.
i detested this i wanted to recite the pledge just like my classmates and sing the star spangled banner outloud.
-
-
Mystery
I went to a Support Our Troops Rally a couple of weeks ago.
I stood, recited, sang and waved my flag. It felt good. -
28
Living a lie?
by Victorian sky ini've been inactive for several months.
i know it's not the truth and mentally i've walked away.
would it be living a lie to remain inactive?
-
-
Mystery
I have thought about this for quite a few years. More than I care to count.
I have faded away. I still talk with my mother, sister and sister-in-law (my brother was killed in '90) they are all still JW's. I do not live close to them. I see them, maybe, twice a year.
If I told the WTBT that i wanted out of THEIR organization they would take the little time that i do have with my family.
By THEIR rules this is suppose to be done. I wasted 20 years of my life devoted to them. I have wasted 20+ years feeling "guilty" because I can't come to terms with disfellowshipping them completely from me!
I am beginning to see that I will never trust a religion. I will never have my questions answered. Telling someone that I don't even know, "I am no longer a part of you" still will not answer my questions.
Will me writing on paper "I disown you" really make a difference inside of me? I KNOW i no longer believe. Everyone that knows me knows I no longer believe, If I did I would still be going to meetings. Just because I tell the WBTS (men that I do not even know) will it make a difference on what I believe? No.
Tell me their names? Who would you personally write your letter to at the WBTS? So what difference does it make?
So I see my mom, my sister, my sister-in-law, my nephew and nieces a couple of times a year. I talk on the phone & email them. Would telling a bunch of men, that i don't even know, be worth losing that? -
52
Where are you going when you die?
by Mystery ina questions that has been on my mind for 20+ years that i have been away.. and more recently - a friend of my sons was killed.
he ask me "mom where are you going when you die?
" i am worried because if you die, i don't know where you are going.
-
-
Mystery
Rayzorblade - I am sorry ", I've had to take in more death and dying than I care to." I had a year like that a couple of years ago.
I don't know if nothing happens or not. It seems sad if there is nothing else, that we wonder during our lives if there is something else. It is also sad tho that some people get so wrapped up in "what happens" that they don't live today. I don't let it overwhelm me regarding death. I have no control over it. But as each of us live, we know the question is there. Some of us it bothers, some of us it doesn't. It bothers me that I have to tell my sons something. I don't know the truth. I don't know what will happen. I just try to instill in them that regardless of what happens, if i am able I will help them thru their lives.
I agree with LyinEyes - except with me it is the moon instead of a falling leaf. It started when my boys (from the time they were 4 & 5 yrs old) went to stay with their father in the summer. I would tell them to look at the moon and not matter where they were I would "see" them. When they were older they would call me and ask, "OK Mom what kind of moon was it last night?" just to see it I did look at the moon every night and tell them goodnight. Even tho they are teenagers now, it is still a "thing" between us. Everyonce in a while they will tell me "to look at the moon mom". I know that no matter what happens when I die that they will remember occasionally to look at the moon. -
-
-
Mystery
No problem nowisee
First - you are intellegent or you would have stayed blind and ingornant of the beliefs of JW's.
Second - due to circustances some of us were able to attend college because of circustances. Belive me it was one of the hardest things I ever did in my life!
I was married to a man that made me feel as worthless as JW's did. I decided that I was going to school. I became a "different person" when I walked into "school". I wasn't 2nd class. I was there by the rights that everyone else was. I soon learned that the person I "pretended to be" was realy me. Not the second class citizen I was as a JW and as a wife. My father (an elder) felt as your father, --my father was sexist - told me that girls didn't need an education, that i would get married and have babies and that was that. -- but since I had been fading anyway I didn't have much opposition from them.
Some of the threads are intimidating to me as well. Regardless of my education, I still feel ignorant regarding some of the subjects. But you know what? Its OK. I don't have to know everything. I learn more everyday I am here. If I had to debate regarding scriptures right now, I probably couldn't, I have been away from JW's a little over the 20 years I spent as a JW. Dont' feel inferior or at a disadvantage, we don't have to know everything. If we did why would we be here. What we don't know, we can ask. If someone has read our question before then they have the option to skip the topic and go to the next one.
Even guys have PMS you know. : )
PSS: "as i write this im tearing up - i suppose this question sprang from my own feelings of inferiority. does that give you your answer?"
Don't let some the insincerity of someone who doesnt want to answer your question do that to you. And plus - I don't know you - but STOP thinking of yourself an inferior. What good does it do anyway.
Take Care,
Deborah