when you were a good active jw, would you have considered marrying a non jw or was this completely out of the question..
Even today, I would have to marry someone who had been a witness. If I couldn't find one, I wouldn't get married.
I'm just the opposite. If my husband and I ever parted ways, I would be *less* likely to marry an ex-JW...in my mind, there's just too much chance they'd decide to go back...for family or whatever...
i think my head is a little messed up from my recent relationship with a man who is a jw.
i attended a few meetings and bible studies with an older woman who i met at the first meeting.
i am not going to become a jw because i can't give up holidays and birthdays, but i do have a few questions.
I am a graduate student and last week in my Anthropology of Religion we were talking about religious groups who proselytize (go out of their way to convince people to convert - not all religions do this), and how and why they are successful.
Basically, it all boils down to how social pressure/group dynamics affect us humans. It is incredibly powerful. You hang out with *any* group of people who share a common interest (car enthusiasts, gun owners, members of religious groups) and, in direct relation to how much you like them *as people* and how enthusiastic they are about their interest, you will almost always start convincing yourself to think in ways that conform to the group beliefs. The longer you hang out with any group the more you see the ways you're alike and discount the ways you're different...until you become disillusioned, when the process is reversed.
Humans base our opinions on the beliefs of groups (religious or otherwise) on our opinions of the *people*, first and foremost.
This is why religious groups that proselytize put a huge emphasis on being welcoming to new people, being friendly, and making the group 'look good' to outsiders. Because they often judge the success of the group based on their success in convincing others to join, it's a self-fulfilling prophesy...they convince *themselves* as they convince others. This is why JWs and other high-pressure groups want to get you to group meetings...get you to thinking of yourself as 'part of the group'...get that conscious and unconscious social pressure working on you as soon as possible. That's also why people who study for years and years *without* going to the hall rarely seem to get heavily involved.
I made the comment in class that I think we literally choose who to believe...not what to believe. The longer I study human social systems the more I'm convinced of that...
i don't think i've mentioned it before, but i have a friend and fellow grad student who studies tattooing, both in 'traditional' cultures and modern.. he's a great guy and throws great parties too...(and his wife designs lingerie...how lucky can you get??).
anyway, here's his website.
http://www.vanishingtattoo.com/lars_krutak.htm.
That's funny Richie- I'm gonna tell him, he'll get a kick out of it.
i don't think i've mentioned it before, but i have a friend and fellow grad student who studies tattooing, both in 'traditional' cultures and modern.. he's a great guy and throws great parties too...(and his wife designs lingerie...how lucky can you get??).
anyway, here's his website.
http://www.vanishingtattoo.com/lars_krutak.htm.
I don't think I've mentioned it before, but i have a friend and fellow grad student who studies tattooing, both in 'traditional' cultures and modern.
He's a great guy and throws great parties too...(and his wife designs lingerie...how lucky can you get??)
Anyway, here's his website
http://www.vanishingtattoo.com/lars_krutak.htm
It has lots of articles about tattooing in different indigenous cultures.
Thought y'all might enjoy some of his stuff.
i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.
i'm not a witness.
he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.
You don't have to be "mean and nasty"...just firm.
You're a teacher - do you let your students walk all over you, or do you say "no" and mean it?
Tell him it's over and you're never speaking to him again. You don't have to get upset or be mean. Just tell him and mean it. Then don't answer your door or your phone when he comes over or calls. And if he flips out and makes a scene, call the cops. You don't have to deal with him any more after you tell him it's over. You have no obligation to speak to him after that, or explain anything, or make hiim feel better.
It will be easier on Him if you do it this way, too.
i'm posting "memorial" accolades on jwd and beliefnet for the benefit of the jw's who attended the annual reject the king celebration.. how about you?.
We were at WalMart buying groceries...talk about supporting an evil empire ... In line behind a woman with 2 Full Carts of groceries (why am I always in *that* line??)
Still better than being at the KH.
i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.
i'm not a witness.
he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.
(including being upfront with him, since the head of a woman is a man) and by continuing your spiritual progress, whether it means marrying him or ditching him. Remember that, if you marry him, you become under his law (this was the subject of yesterday's public Watchtower discussion).
Oh, Yeah. By all means remember that.
Emily, in case you don't know it, Fred here is an active believing JW who, for whatever reasons, posts here. Reading his post it occurred to me that maybe you haven't realized the full meaning of being a JW woman. They don't just talk about this stuff...they mean it. If you become a JW, or, even if you are an unbelieving woman married to a JW man (I was in that boat, once, very, very bad), you are expected, by the man and by the congregation, to do exactly what he says, no matter what he says, unless it goes against what the society says (ie-if he says, "don't go to meetings" or "don't go out in field service" you obey the society not the husband).
In other words, if you got married and he told you to hand over your life savings and your salary, as a JW woman you'd have to do it. If he told you never to speak to friends or family again, you'd have to do what he said. If he told you to scrub the kitchen floor on your hands and knees instead of using a mop, you'd have to do that. If he wanted to take your salary and spend it for himself, and give you an 'allowance' out of it (or not), that'd be OK. The elders would back him up on this. If he got mad at you for something that was "your fault" and beat you up, not only would you be told to be more submissive and pray harder, you'd be told to keep it from the police so as not to 'bring reproach on Jehovah'.
Just in case you've never heard the phrase (JWs are very careful about what people who are "newly interested" or "studying" hear about what it's like to be a JW until they're 'hooked'), JW men are referred to as their wife's "Husbandly owner."
That's right. Owner.
You wanna be "owned" by this man? Or any JW man?
Think I'm exaggerating? Think again.
its hard to get a pic of an all black dog..going to try again with ebony.
they are brother(brody) and sister(ebony) the mother was a stray that a neighbor took in not knowing she was pregnant.
of course i had to help out in helping the litter find good homes.
poses so well!!!!!!!!!
Hah, what the pic doesn't show is her trying to rip the stuffing out of the heart, shred the roses, and run around the store saying "you can't catch me"
Fortunately, she will look really cute if you have treats.
i do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.
i'm not a witness.
he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.
Emily, my dear,
Ending a relationship, even a bad one, is *never* easy. It sounds like you're waiting for the 'final straw' that will cut your heart off from him totally and you'll never look back. Stop waiting for that, that's not how it works.
A year ago, you'd have probably said that any number of the things that have already happened would be a 'final straw' for you, but they haven't been, have they? If it was a girlfriend of yours, instead of you, you'd have probably advised her that any one of the things you've told us was 'final straw' material.
No matter how much you bail him out, he'll always get into deeper and deeper problems. Thank the universe you haven't given him your savings!!!
There is no last straw. No matter how bad the abuse (emotional, mental, physical, financial) there are always women ready to take men back...sometimes from Intensive Care units where the men put them!! The heart always softens. There's always that time, when the memory of the pain fades and you're thinking of the good times (and trust me, the rarer they are the more women treasure them as proof), that you cave and take him back. In addiction, there's always the urge for 'one more time...one last time.'
The only way to get out is to say, "It Stops Here. It Stops Now. No matter how I FEEL, this relationship ends NOW." And ACT on this! Make the decision and stick to it no matter how hard it is, no matter how much you love him at the moment, no matter how you feel.
Don't hem and haw, don't try to end it a little at a time. Do Not, for God's Sake, wait for the 'right time.' There is no right time. Only now. Every minute past now is a minute wasted in an abusive relationship.
Just End It. Tell *him* it's over and that's final. Tell your family, tell your friends, that it's OVER and you need them to help you not cave in. Leave town or at least leave your house for as many days as you can.
Mourn the loss of your hopes and dreams for the relationship. Call your girlfriends up, get a couple of bottles of wine or whatever, and go through your pictures and mementos and have a good cry...then burn or put in storage anything that might cause you to relent and take him back...this is a funeral for the relatioship, remember. It's over and there's no going bck.
Then get on with your life and keep away from him , and keep him away from you...at all costs.
its hard to get a pic of an all black dog..going to try again with ebony.
they are brother(brody) and sister(ebony) the mother was a stray that a neighbor took in not knowing she was pregnant.
of course i had to help out in helping the litter find good homes.
Mutts are great.
