G'day Mate from the USA!!
First of all you are not alone. The WTS wants you to feel that way, you are not alone, remember that. There are many of us that feel just as you do.This very fact helped me tremendously that there are others like me. It takes time to heal, give yourself time, trust me, it will get better, this is only temporary. What you are going though is the grieving stage right now, you have lost so much, so be kind to yourself, do things that you enjoy, take time for yourself. Freedom is so worth it, just wait and see! And take advantage of any support and help that you can get. Be true to yourself, to me that is so important that I have this quote "to thine ownself be true" engraved on a ring that I wear, boy do I need that as a reminder sometimes :-)
Just remember the pain passes. Take it one day at a time, I know it's a cliché, but it's so true.
((((Hugs)))))
Hapgood