I never did ask for acceptance OR advice. If you actually read my post, it was in response to soulmates...and I simply asked if there were others who had truly loved two people at one time, and would they like to tell me about it.
There are lifestyles on here and in every part of life that I do not agree with. That does not mean I have to judge them or condem them UNLESS they come right out and say "Hey..I do this....how do u like that?"
I have found that the quickest to judge many times end up learning some of life's harshest lessons.
I have found this to be true on other people posts, too. That so many on here are quick to judge but want kindness shown to themselves. You can profess wanting freedom, but hasten to let others know when they do not live up to YOUR definition of how they should behave. I repeat, I did NOT ask you to agree with my position nor did I ask how you view me morally.
I, too, noticed how many young people were quick to judge. Yet they are angry if someone older judges them. I was that quick to judge and so sure of my pious faithfulness to only one when I was younger, too.
And, by the way, my husband is an awesome man. We DO talk, we have great sex, we are extremely close. Does this hurt him? Yes. Did I plan that? No. It happened. All I was saying is...I finally know that you can love two people at once. It can happen and to tell me differently is bullshit, because it has happened to me.
I am not asking if I should leave my husband. I am not asking if he should kick me out. I am not asking if the Dub is a decent person. I am not planning on leaving. My husband wants me to stay. I am not, I repeat not, planning on sex with the dub.
That said, some of you who were NOT so quick to slap the big red A on my forehead did give me some decent questions to ask myself about this relationship.
I believe it is ending. I think he has decided it is wrong and painful and is not calling. I am not calling him, either. I have decided that it is too hard to continue this way. I don't know at this point if we can resort back to casual friends. Nothing is impossible, but may be just too hard. We did NOT dwell on the romantic and sexual feelings. Although most of you turn a blind eye to that and assume we are screwing away. I have also decided that if he can lie to this wife, he will and probably is lying to me. I don't doubt he loves me. I just don't think he can love anyone more than himself. This was a first for me...caring for someone not your spouse. I think he has before, but quits before the actual sex. I think he loves to have women love him. I also think that, as painful as it has been, both my husband and I have gained from this. My husband agrees that he gave us things we needed to make our relationship stronger. My husband would not grow and learn. He was stuck back where he was intellectually 30 years ago. No matter how I asked, we stayed in that warp. This finally caused change. Unfortunate that it had to happen. I do believe people come into your life for a purpose. Now my husband is pursuing different interests with me. The other guy talked about these things...but I realize now these things are all in his PAST. His whole life now is work and JW.
I will always love him, though. It is true that you cannot help who you love. But, you can try to control what you do about it. I will not deny loving someone just because other people think I should not or cannot possibly love him. That would be just as dishonest.
My husband and I have had many talks about the situation. He has said I need to find my own way on this. That he worries about my emotional health...but that he only wants me if I want him. I do. If it bothers you that my husband gives me that freedom, then tough. It has worked for us for 30 years and this is the first time something like this happened. Come talk to me after YOU have been married for 30 years and let me know how morally perfect you both have been the whole time.
To those who posted to me, asking me tough questions to ask myself and did not judge me...thanks. Even though I did not ask for advice, I did use some of those questions.
To those who posted and did judge, as I say, look me up in 30 years and let me know how perfect your life has been. We can compare notes.
I will never be ashamed of my feelings for this man. I was honest from the start. How he feels in the future about it will be his decision. I would look anyone in the eyes and say that I loved him and love him still. Love is not turned on and off. If some of you can do that, then I doubt it is love. But, I won't judge your feelings about love either. Perhaps you experience it differently that me...and it really does not matter if you do.