Joe Grundy
I liked what you said - but don't blame yourself. It is enough that you would have done that had you known.No one could reasonably expect you to know everything.
Elizabeth
Your responses are interesting;
I control what I think, how I feel, how I talk and no one else.
So you're saying that the contact you have with Witnesses, and your growing belief in what they say does NOT control how you think and feel? To me it sounds very much like you're being controlled.
I read light stuff though... about cults and brainwashing. I do not believe any of it
So are you saying there's no such thing as cults? Or that JW's are not a cult? What about Mormons, Moonies and Sociologists? Are they cults? If so, what is the difference between those characteristics that make them cults and those of the JW's?
Being saved is not my ultimate goal here, for I already am anyway (in heaven) :) AND I do not say that because of the JWs.
Errr... Newsflash. JW's do not believe in being 'saved'. They believe a small number (144,000) go to heaven to rule over humanity after Armageddon. Most of those have already died. Now there are a little under ten thousand JW's who claim to be of 'the remnant'. In JW land if you think you're going to heaven and are young or new, people will think you are mad. All other JW's believe they will live forever in Paradise on Earth.
I wanted to know (assuming I would go through) I used to be a self harmer (in remission now). Under a lot of stree
If you look into cults you will find people are most likely to get involved in a cult after some personal crisis. They provide simple solutions and answers, even if there are no simple solutions or answers. A hope. A way to feel better about the future. A comfort. A kiss in the darkness of the world.
I come out of remission... what if the congregation saw I cut myself. Would they call that a misuse of blood? Would I be disfellowshipped? Can one before baptism get disfellowshipped?
You have to be baptised to be disfellowshipped. Cutting would not be considered a disfellowshipping offence, as far as I know. Also, if you have suddenly found 'the Truth', why would you be self-harming again? Surely such a wonderful thing would make all those awful tensions only cutting can release be easier to handle? Or is it that you now feel you have all these new requirements to live up to, a conflict between how you feel and how your family would feel? More stress? Is being involved with the Witnesses part of your relapse? Your whole body and mind are telling you something. Listen.
I totally understand when people say I do not need an organization. But look at it this way
You have a big project do at school and you can not get it done in the one weekend. So you ask for help (org)
I am trying to finish the project of getting closer to God... it is not as easy on my own.
Although I am not what one could call a great believer, the idea of getting closer to god being a 'project' strikes me as a little odd. It sounds awfully mechanical, rule-based, like a tick on a list. The Organisation of the JW's will provide you with lots more mechanical, rule-based, box ticking.
Where did you get the idea that developing a relationship with god is based on rules? Doesn't the whole of the New Testament scream about the possibility of a personal relationship with god? Not only available through the services of Priests and rule makers; look at how Jesus acted toward the Priests and the Pharisees!
Think about it. Jesus came to free people from rule-based bureaucratic religious observance, to develop a personal relationship with god, and to conduct themselves rightly through the application of their conscience.
And now many religious groups are rule-based bureaucratic organisations, having completely missed the entire point of what Jesus was talking about. And the JW's are one of those.
God is not a brand or project. Don't look for him as you imagine him, or how people tell you he is. Look for him in the world around you. Truth isn't in a book. It's in living life as best you can, of touching others and allowing oneself to be touched, or valuing others and oneself. Of finding a place.
I wish I could tell you it is easy. It isn't. But just as sweetener doesn't taste like sugar. the artificial hope these people are selling might give you the props to make it easy to act like you are happy, but they have no substance. JW's have missed the point and lost god, whatever god is, in a host of rules, just like the Pharisees did in Jesus' day.
JW's cannot show in any way they are infallible and god appointed; there are dozens of religions who make this claim and none of them have any more real evidence than the other. God doesn't play games or make you guess. If there was a 'truth' in a book, it would be as provable as the fact the sun will rise.
All the more indication you have to figure it out for yourself. Harsh but fair, sad but true.
You critizing the WTBS feels like you attacking God... I don't know why it feels that way. It just does.
Because they are controlling the way you think. Early on in their contact with people JW's will give the person they study with the impression they are likely to experience disapproval or opposition from friends and family, maybe even spiritual problems, as the wicked spirit of the world tries to dissuade the person from getting involved in the truth. Any opposition will reinforce any beliefs that person has about it being the truth.
Of course, if someone got involved with a bunch of cultists - let's assume we can both agree Moonies are cultists - who would try and convert them, and their friends and family were concerned with the person's safety and well-being. It would be perfectly reasonable for them to be critical or oppose the involvement. If the Moonies had told the person they would be opposed, the fact people are doing totally reasonable thing is seen by the person involved with the cultists as evidence the Moonies is the 'truth'.
I just do not understand, if it is "the faithful and descreet slave" Who are you to judge God?
You seem to have made an awful lot of assumptions about god yourself.
All the best to you; please, talk to the people you love about this, and about you starting self-harming again if they don't already know. Did you get counselling before? You should speak to your councillor. Don;t give into the paranoia the JW's try to infect you with. Professionals and your family are there to help you.