cappytan,
I stumbled on a bit of ttatt back in spring 2012. I had gotten fed up with some of the things I had seen and continued to see in the congregations, so I watched a few youtube videos and such. I only went so far at that time. I felt a little better about my grievances - almost like I had gotten some frustration out. So I pulled back.
The unraveling had begun, though. I chose to swallow it down, cover it up with the standard party-line excuses, and push forward. It didn't take long before I was running into more congregation frustration around the summer of 2013. I again turned to the internet to get my frustrations out. This time I went all the way. I read almost the entire JWfacts.com site and COC etc. Well, I will never be the same.
I am telling you this to say - I am not sure it is as much a "choice" as you may think. The truth will burn inside you. You can't un-know what you know. A sane person doesn't typically choose delusion over reality. You can try to turn away from it and stay in the "warm bed" of the familiar. You can pull the covers over your head to avoid the feelings of fear, betrayal, and the unknown...but this isn't going to solve the problem long-term (although it might be helpful short-term :)) The truth is still waiting on you once your nap is over.
But with that said...Taking your time and allowing your anxiety to cool down is a good start. Like someone said to me in the beginning...time is on your side. Time is not running out like JW's teach. You have plenty of time to sort this stuff out and create a level-headed plan of action.
I will add this. When I was first coming to grips with it, I had a problem letting go of the thought of "having it all figured out". I also felt compelled to replace the JW belief system with another. I guess it's just what we're used to. Well what helped me was realizing this next statement and repeating it to myself many times:
"I don't have all the answers.........but ..........neither do they"
"I don't have the answers.....but......the governing body doesn't either."
I also remember thinking and even said to my wife multiple times back then, "I don't have all the answers, but I also don't pretend I do. And I sure as hell don't demand people believe what I believe with the threat of taking away their family and friends or being killed by God."
I cringe at the thought of saying so much to my wife so early. I am more careful now. It was just boiling inside me then.
Because of the effects of indoctrination, It will take a long time for all of this new info to really sink in. If it takes a while to simply sink in, it certainly will take a while for you to evaluate life's big questions. So be patient with yourself. Let the process breathe. The big questions aren't going anywhere. Time is on your side and we are all in this same boat.
-TE