Despite knowing TTATT recently and trying my very best not to absorb the FDS-supplied "knowledge" any further, I could not help but feel inadequate again during today's meeting.
Strange, right? Yet, normal. ---
After a few moments I told myself, "Why am I feeling inadequate?! I already know what the truth is. I don't need to feel this way!"
Like many of you, I've been made to feel inferior during all these years. We have our talents, skills, and ambitions silenced. And to add to this we are made to feel that we are not preaching enough, not exerting enough effort, not studying enough, etc. Despite doing our best, the WT always finds ways (using sweet encouraging words) to implicitly make us feel that we are always lacking in faith.
While listening to the brothers and sisters share their comments I could feel that they were prepared for the meeting. And of course, many sounded sincere. And now, because I haven't really been participating a lot these days, I'm a bit down. I used to comment a couple of times each meeting and somehow I miss the sense of being able to "contribute" to the discussion of "faith".
You could tell me to just stop attending, but it is still out of the question for now...
PS: Just an observation-- again, most sisters looked tired although very well-dressed and made up (as usual). Sometimes I feel they're just there to show off their newly-bought clothes and what-have-yous. It's a fashion show--- and it's not even convention time. LOL. I'll just stick to my casual suit.
PS2: Sorry if I'm not able to express myself clearly at times. Please understand. My brain has just awakened..