CB, I feel sorry for you. Its so nice to see how much you love, value and respect your dear wife. The whole fade thing isn't for you it's for her. Well done for being patient for her sake.
Well as for the CO you need to do what is right at the time, what you feel comfortable saying. Then when your lovely wifey says how was it working with the CO you can relay a particular part of the conversation that she will benefit from.
Have fun today-Kate xx