Posts by Odrade

24

WT on "Help those who stray from the flock"? - friends sent us an email

by truthseeker in

jw
friends

today was the first of the two parter series on browbeating the inactive to get back to the meetings.. my other half who has been inactive for a short while received an email from a "friend" who's still in, acknowledging it's been a while since they last made contact and could they stop by to see how we're doing?.

the moment of truth - friends who ignore you and make no effort to contact you when you leave suddenly get a guilt trip over an article in the watchtower.. anyone else here had their door bell rung, received a phone call or email from a "concerned" friend due to this study article, or is it still early days?.

Odrade

might explain the comments my brother made to me Saturday afternoon. (They have meeting on Saturday.)

16

They are killing her.

by desib77 in

jw
friends

wow it has been such a long time since i've posted here.

i've for the most part been able to move on with life leaving the jws behind me.. but now i am being forced to deal with them again.

my mom (jw) has been sick and discovered that she has a mass in her throat (lower part in her chest) that is making it hard for her to breath.

Odrade

Agree with cameo. There is a balance of power issue with misuse of authority. This elder needs to be informed (preferably through legal counsel,) that he needs to keep his trap shut or charges will be brought against him for practicing medicine without a license and for coercion. I'm disgusted but not surprised. My mom is/would be the same way.

14

Most parents would be proud...

by Odrade in

about a year ago, he had an emotional crisis and questioned a lot of things, including his faith.

i thought (and hoped) that he would consider his beliefs and come realize that his beliefs were part of his crisis.

this was not the case, but he and i continue to be on good terms.

Odrade

Farkel, I don't think it was you eating pizza with me yesterday, but you'd be welcome to join us.

Ditto to you, ex-nj!

Baba, unfortunately, I do NOT have a "great relationship" with my Dad. I have a very sad and strained relationship with him. But I know he loves me, and he tries to show it as well as he can through his conditioning, and deep down (unlike my mother,) I think he is proud of me, except that it would be wrong, so he has to stuff that down. That has to be enough, I suppose, where they are concerned. Most days I've achieved indifference, but yeah, some days it hurts.

shop, I have utterly no delusions of being "pleasantly surprised" regarding my mother. She is as fanatical and devoid of a normal worldview as they come. She "replaced" me many years ago with other "daughters" my age... even before I quit the JWs, she had her "spiritual daughters" - women who were at Bethel, or pioneering, or special pioneering, and who have only ever heard her "sweet voice" and who have no idea just how unswervingly and exclusively devoted she is to her Watchtower. Some of these women (and even their husbands) call her "mom" and their children call her "grandma."

recovering, thanks for the pm. Small favors, my upbringing was nowhere near that level.

14

Most parents would be proud...

by Odrade in

about a year ago, he had an emotional crisis and questioned a lot of things, including his faith.

i thought (and hoped) that he would consider his beliefs and come realize that his beliefs were part of his crisis.

this was not the case, but he and i continue to be on good terms.

Odrade

I had lunch with my JW brother yesterday. About a year ago, he had an emotional crisis and questioned a lot of things, including his faith. I thought (and hoped) that he would consider his beliefs and come realize that his beliefs were part of his crisis. This was not the case, but he and I continue to be on good terms. He has since, however, gone fully back to the JWs. We still get together frequently, and he doesn't make any effort to keep me a big bad secret. Yesterday we dropped in on one of his JW friends, to see his new baby. (They were very nice.)

Anyways, about 6 weeks ago, my mother "disfellowshipped" me. I had dropped by their house to pick up something from my dad. She came in, left a hallmark card on the counter with my name on it, then went out and stood in the garage. I asked my dad, "am I supposed to take that?" He said, "I'm not sure, it has your name on it, so I guess so." When I got home I read this letter that basically said blah blah blah, you won't tell me what is happening with you, you're not my family, etc, etc.

None of this was a particular surprise, because my mother is given to this type of manipulative behavior anyways. She has, at various times, quit speaking to me for extended periods of time. The last time was when I told her that in the case of medical decisions she had better have her wishes in writing, because I would not submit to headship and allow my brother to make decisions simply because he was "the boy." I think in that incident I didn't hear from her for 2-3 months.

This time, I am just tired of fighting her in order to have some semblance of a normal relationship. She can have it. She has played headgames like this ever since I can remember, even when I was a "good JW." At some instinctive level, I want "a" mother to love me and be proud of me. "My" mother does not, and truthfully never has, fit that bill. I'm jealous of women who have good relationships with their mothers, but really have no context to know what that is like, in spite of having periods in my life where we have both played at having a friendship. TBH, if I knew her purely on a social level, I would stay far, far away from her, although admittedly, she is very good at fooling people (including herself) into believing that she is sweet and generous and loving...

I'm rambling.

Yesterday at lunch, my brother and I were talking about random stuff - he got a job somewhere that offers an interesting benefits package that exceeds the typical insurance/401k- he gets tuition breaks at a very good school and is thinking of taking a few classes. We talked about my business, and his friends, and the fact that neither of us have kids, want kids, but are ambivalent about it sometimes...

He made a half-hearted attempt to justify our parents' attitude toward me. He said "they're worried, they're very worried about your life." As if I don't know that.

I'm tired of allowing them the right and justification to feel like that. It's sick and wrong.

I told my brother, "you know, I'm sorry they feel that way, but I have to behave with integrity, I have to do what I believe is right. You realize that ordinary parents would be very proud of us as their children. We've done well, and normal parents would be proud of that and happy for us."

I'm utterly tired of being the abnormal one for leaving the JW, and I'm not going to let that stand anymore.

After lunch we stopped by our parents' house. Mom went out in the other room, although she did say "hi." (Nothing more, just "hi." Does that mean that this episode of the silent treatment is over? do I care?) Dad still treats me with respect and love, in spite of his stupid exclusionary and apocalyptic beliefs.

I try to be reasonable and accepting. I try to realize that their religion is a huge part of their lives, personality, choices, and that they have the right to choose that. Heck, I'm even mindful that they are guaranteed the right to whatever asinine belief they choose by the same constitution that guaranteed my right to be free from their asinine belief.

But I still hate it. I HATE it. I hate that there is no way possible for me to ever have a normal family. I hate that my parents see me as dead every time they look at me. I HATE HATE HATE that my mother gets accolades and love and support from people because she turns her back on her daughter.

And I hate that I left that horrible cult 6 years ago, and I am still forced to deal with their attitudes and actions.

86

Dansk

by faundy in

jw
friends

just to let everyone on here who knows my dad, that he is seriously ill, and unfortunately on life support.

he has renal and respiratory failure as a result of the quickest onset of pneumonia i have ever seen... it came on in the early hours of this morning.

he is waiting for an intensive care bed but the nearest one is 200 miles away.

Odrade

Wow, my thoughts are with him. Your dad is one of the good ones.

16

Looking for advice on Christmas Trees

by lrkr in

jw
friends

as a complete christmas newbie, i'm looking for advice on the selection, decorating, care for, and disposal of a christmas tree.

i plan on having the first one in my life this year.

i want to buy a real tree (for the scent, and the authenticity of it).

Odrade

We bought an artificial, pre-lit tree this year. It's in a large pot-style stand, 6-1/2' tall and has about 600 lights. YAY! I have enough ornaments for a decent look if I only decorate the front half, many of them are glass balls from the dollar store. LOL! I love my tree. We don't have the train set yet, but will probably have one next year. I like the real trees, but I do NOT like the bugs Yuck! and I don't like trying to figure out what to do with it after, where to take it, etc. The one we got is nice enough that we will use it for years I'm sure.

36

Asperger's Syndrome

by Mulan in

jw
friends

has anyone heard of asperger's syndrome?

i was doing research the other day, for someone, and came across this disorder.

in reading it, i am positive both my youngest son and his wife have it.

Odrade

That's extremely offensive Gregor.

26

Pretzels and JWs

by Nosferatu in

jw
friends

i was just sitting here, admiring a bulk bag of pretzel twists sitting on the table and it sparked a memory.

jws aren't supposed to eat them.

remember that?.

Odrade

LMAO! I had completely forgotten about that! My mom used to buy the pretzel "twigs" not the "twists." She said she read the twists were the 3 parts of the Trinity. Hahaha, crazy.

34

Being new we invited 30 brothers over for dinner. We got an invite once?!

by Witness 007 in

whats the deal.

i moved to a new congregation and wanted to slowly each weekend invite all the brothers over to get to know them.

the drill was we had a barbie with red wine and music.

Odrade

""Instead of complaining about someone not inviting you over, you need to ask "How busy am I in the ministry?", "What new topic can I consider for my personal study?". The congregation is not a social club, it is about accomplishing your ministry and saving lives. The world is full of recreation and look where it has gotten them, knocked up, drugged up and hopeless.""

Must have been a manuscript, because I vividly remember the same turn of words a couple of years before we left, in a talk given probably back around 1999/2000.

34

Being new we invited 30 brothers over for dinner. We got an invite once?!

by Witness 007 in

whats the deal.

i moved to a new congregation and wanted to slowly each weekend invite all the brothers over to get to know them.

the drill was we had a barbie with red wine and music.

Odrade

Same experience. Many invites given, only one or two returned. Ever. Another thing that happened frequently is we would invite people, confirm the invite (the day before or sometimes in the morning, "yes, yes, we'll be there, looking forward to it,") then they would just not show up, or they would call and cancel 15 minutes before they were scheduled to arrive. No emergency, just not important I guess. Eventually we quit asking. Then we quit.