Posts by Odrade

25

Finally sent that letter, but not to mom...

by Odrade in

no not that letter.. so we hobbled along with the family relationship.

my parents (super-devout, highly involved and connected in jw-land,) spoke with me occasionally with that sad mopey voice.

at one point about 6 years ago, my mom quit speaking to me.

Odrade

Thanks Blondie. Nice to see some familiar faces around here. :)

25

Finally sent that letter, but not to mom...

by Odrade in

no not that letter.. so we hobbled along with the family relationship.

my parents (super-devout, highly involved and connected in jw-land,) spoke with me occasionally with that sad mopey voice.

at one point about 6 years ago, my mom quit speaking to me.

So we hobbled along with the family relationship. My parents (super-devout, highly involved and connected in JW-land,) spoke with me occasionally with that sad mopey voice. At one point about 6 years ago, my mom quit speaking to me. In reality, the relationship with my mother was not great before I left the JWs, and it was unsteady with my father too, as ours was a corporal punishment household, which leaves its own wake of destruction, quite aside from pernicious and authoritarian JW doctrine.

In the meantime, the strange little points of contact with my father have become increasingly unbearable. Every in-person encounter was sidling around the giant elephant hiding under the rug. Every phone call or text message felt like trying to communicate with tape over my mouth. And even after all of this time, he still felt compelled to "witness" to me every now and then. In all that time, even though I stood my ground regarding meeting invites, and declined literature, I never once made an unequivocal statement regarding the Organization.

After 12+ years I could no longer determine what it was I was trying to protect. Our lives have moved on. Most of my local friends have never been involved with JWs. The only family ties to "protect" would be those with my mother who doesn't speak with me anyways, my father, and my brother (who, because of events of the last several years is unlikely to cut ties with me whether he remains in the Org or leaves again.)

However, after all of this time, the idea that I have never really "spoken truth to power," ie: made a clear statement to my father regarding the JWs, has weighed heavily on my mind. Recently he has taken to doing things like texting pictures of things our family did when I was a child - I suppose in his mind "when we were all happy."

I've spent much of the last 10 years doing normal things with normal people in normal ways, but sometimes the damage rolls back over you like a sneaker wave. In the last 6 months or so, I began experiencing pretty severe PTSD symptoms and started seeing a counselor.

In the end, as it turns out, the pages-long letter I had once thought to send my mother, was reduced to a fairly short email... and directed only to my father.

(*personal lines removed*)

It's not that I don't remember the good things(...)

Growing up JW was extremely damaging. While I can empathize with the circumstances that led to your parental inability to appropriately handly active children, I have no sympathy for your religious choices.

Watchtower governs via fear and shame. Their doctrine is manipulative and subject to whim. Their rules have killed, and upon changing the rules, no apology has ever been issued. Have you ever once heard of a total exoneration being announced after "new light" for anyone who was disfellowshipped for choices that went contrary to "old" understanding? Not to mention that disfellowshipping itself is one of the cruelest, most abhorrent, destructive and wrong doctrines in the whole of Christianity.

I've come to believe that anyone who is as heavily involved as you are, has had ample opportunity to see through it, and chooses to look the other way. At the very least, you should have recognized my intelligence and clear-sightedness and taken that as a cue to make a deeper examination. I left for matters of conscience and integrity.

It may be that someday I will get to the point where the problems with our family unit are a footnote, and I can remember all the good times, without emotional conflict. However, it was beyond time that I made a clear statement to you about where I stand with your religion. This is it:

I do not ever want to hear another word from you about the Jehovah's Witnesses, unless it is to tell me you are planning your exit from the Organization. I don't want to hear about quick builds, or annual meetings or your bible studies, or any other aspect of your doctrine.

If you should wish to follow along with my recovery, you can do two things - you can do some research into Religious Trauma Syndrome and Complex PTSD (C-PTSD,) and you can read my blog, I know you already have the URL and have seen at least one of my posts.

I do love you and mom, but the only thing you can help me with right now is giving me space.

I think I come back to JWN to post this because I feel like most of us arrive on this board when we are still so raw. Some of us make a little home here, and some of us get the support we need and "move on." But moving on is always a work in progress. Sometimes things happen, externally or even internally, that throw us back to how we felt when we first made our escape.

I have people in real life who I love and who love me. They support me, but very few of them really understand this compulsion to finally have a say, even after things have "settled.: The logical part of my mind says "let sleeping dogs lie." But the part that's always hypervigilant is saying "that dog is not asleep, he's an attack dog who is pretending to be asleep long enough to get his teeth on your throat."

This letter, I really did send. He seems to be respecting my request for space, as I've not heard a reply.

I feel great relief.

102

Bill Cosby - too much smoke for no fire?

by Simon in

it seems like the list of people who are accusing him of rape and sexual assault is growing every day.

i'm skeptical of single accusations but the number of people and the similar stories seem overwhelming now.. it's not a conviction but to the court of public opinion ... guilty?.

.

Odrade

Giordano: it is impossible to "have sex with" an unconscious woman. An unconscious person is incapable of consent, therefore any sexual activity with an unconscious person would be at the very least sexual assault.

Same goes for a person who is very intoxicated.

127

I'm sitting here listening to a JW try to recruit somebody

by Terry in

jw
friends

i'm at starbucks .

just outside in the courtyard.. i'm trembling.

my hands are shaking.. wow!.

Odrade

Hey Terry, I'm so glad you're continuing to update this story, and that there's something to update.

31

I need some input: I have come to the conclusion my wife blames me for her lack of spirituality

by goingthruthemotions in

so lately my wife and i have been arguing alot.

not big arguments...but more of a bickering.. you see, over the last year i have stepped down as an ms and we moved halls.

last november was around the time i woke.. during this time we still have family studies....but only from the bible.

Odrade

I love the things 3rdgen is saying here. My take is this: if you are still "exercising headship" in your home, then your wife has a bit of a point in accusing you of not being a good spiritual lead. If you really want to deal with this in a softer way, that will benefit your whole family, try working to create equality and a true partnership throughout your relationship.

If you both are on equal footing as people, then she will likely be less concerned about your actions regarding HER spirituality. Also, recognize that she may be struggling very hard to get you to change back to the way it was, because she is already familiar with that script. She has been led to believe that it is the "right" script.

I remember when I started telling people "he is not my 'head', he is my partner," some of the looks I got were like I just shot somebody in the street. heh.

20

Coming out to the closet to your family as an "apostate". Any experiences? Your input would be greatly appreciated.

by im_free in

so it's been about 10 years since i have faded out and have stopped believing in the jw teachings.

since then, i have accepted jesus and have experienced an amazing tranformation in my life and have been freed from the jw prison mentally and spiritually.

a more detailed thread about my journey is here if you are interested.. anyways, my jw family lives in another state so they are unaware that i am no longer "in the truth" since i have not told them.

Odrade

im_free, my husband and I have been out for a similar length of time. For the first couple of years we were very protective of our "fade." After some time though, we begin to question what exactly we were protecting. We decided that over the long term it would not be possible to hide our exit, nor did we want to pretend. If our family relationships were to be tense, we wished them to be tense in honesty, not over some subterfuge. We chose to always answer truthfully when questioned, or else to say "that is a private matter, thanks for not asking again." Whenever we are invited to a meeting or memorial, we politely decline, but we definitely decline.

Yeah, relationships with our parents are strained, maybe broken. But we do not have to hide, pretend, or lie, and that feels so much better.

YMMV. Best of luck.

21

Why are they still going door to door?

by Euphemism in

hey all, long time no see!.

a friend posted the anthony morris videos on facebook today, and the ensuing conversation got me wondering: why are the jws still going door-to-door in the developed world?.

it's clearly useless as an evangelizing tactic; the wt have recognized that for 20 years, with their "go where the people are" spiel, but they also insist that it's still necessary.. .

Odrade

I would guess that any studies suggesting effectiveness are based on groups like the LDS, whose preachers are attending seminary, and thus planning on at least continuing to pursue higher education, are committed to the cause, and are moderately well equipped to be effective. I have to believe that the JWs are far less effective than the LDS, especially in view of the fact that for most, a good service morning is one where everyone is not at home.

8

Help! Gave away all of my reference library. Need information.

by Odrade in

hello all, long time no see to the old-timers, and greetings to the new ones!

i have a bit of a conundrum, and could use some help from the documentarian crowd.

over the 10 years since leaving the jws, i've disposed of nearly all wt materials i owned, never anticipating that i would need them.

Odrade

Thanks Blondie. There are a couple of things I'd love to talk with you about if you have time. No hurry, ancient history. I think we chatted about some local things in the past, but now I'd like to take a few notes, for the sake of some timelines. I still don't know what belongs in the story, but it's just draft zero. I can worry about that later, if I ever make it to edits. :)

edit: Hmmm... I see this board still has a double posting problem. heh.

8

Help! Gave away all of my reference library. Need information.

by Odrade in

hello all, long time no see to the old-timers, and greetings to the new ones!

i have a bit of a conundrum, and could use some help from the documentarian crowd.

over the 10 years since leaving the jws, i've disposed of nearly all wt materials i owned, never anticipating that i would need them.

Odrade

Thanks Blondie. There are a couple of things I'd love to talk with you about if you have time. No hurry, ancient history. I think we chatted about some local things in the past, but now I'd like to take a few notes, for the sake of some timelines. I still don't know what belongs in the story, but it's just draft zero. I can worry about that later, if I ever make it to edits. :)

8

Help! Gave away all of my reference library. Need information.

by Odrade in

hello all, long time no see to the old-timers, and greetings to the new ones!

i have a bit of a conundrum, and could use some help from the documentarian crowd.

over the 10 years since leaving the jws, i've disposed of nearly all wt materials i owned, never anticipating that i would need them.

Odrade

Thank you Eby! That's the one, yb1979! I wonder if there is really only 2 pages of Peru? I recall it being more.

Hopefully I can find a copy on ebay or alibris.