When thinking for an answer one can feel hopeless and defeated and helpless. I try not to think about this because it is very painful.
Closing your eyes doesn't make it go away. You're experience the pain of attempting to reconcile what you clearly know to be bad with the concept of woshipping a god you've been told is love is clearly a blood god of death.
One tries to find some reason some justification but it cannot be done. One way to view this is: God knows and who am I to judge God.
That's not a way to view it. That's a way to avoid having to think about the obvious and irrefutable contradiction. It's called cognitive dissonance.