Thanks for the advice everyone. I really do appreciate it. @NAVYTOWN, I was actually looking into going to a Unitarian Church. Like I said, I don't know if God exists, but I don't like the idea of completely discrediting the idea so I thought that might be a good fit for now. What I would really like to do is meet other ex-JW's in person.
Stumbeline
JoinedPosts by Stumbeline
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26
Scared I'll Never be Happy Again
by Stumbeline inso it's' been 8 months since i was disfellowshiped.
i moved out of my mothers house accross the country to room with a friend.
things have been going ok, it's just strange to be so far away from everything that felt familiar, even the meetings.
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26
Scared I'll Never be Happy Again
by Stumbeline inso it's' been 8 months since i was disfellowshiped.
i moved out of my mothers house accross the country to room with a friend.
things have been going ok, it's just strange to be so far away from everything that felt familiar, even the meetings.
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Stumbeline
So it's' been 8 months since I was disfellowshiped. I moved out of my mothers house accross the country to room with a friend. Things have been going ok, it's just strange to be so far away from everything that felt familiar, even the meetings. I would go when I was living with my mom, but since I've been out, I haven't been to any of them and it feels strange.
I've been doing things I never was able to before. Smoked a cigarette, went out dancing, went out drinking, watched a few horror movies, cursed, hooked up with someone I hardly knew... My next step is dyeing my hair purple. It's like my lifestyle has changed so drastically within the past couple weeks, and I'm not sure if it's just that I'm still adjusting, or if I'm just still attached to my old life, but sometimes (especially at night) I just feel sad. I think about my family, and what they're doing, my old friends, and even the idea of a God that I thought was a friend to me and who I'm not sure even exists anymore. For Christs sake, my mother who I've talked to everyday for the past 25 years of my life is now gone...the only way I know she still exists is her chat icon that shows up every once in a while on Facebook. And I know the only reason that she's still friends with me on FB, is to watch every single little thing that I do. I lack such a feeling of home and belonging. I have a few friends I can talk to now, but no one I can really pour my heart out to or who would even understand the situation on the level that I'm feeling it. So I guess thats why Im here tonight...
I don't know where to go or what to do. Either I cut myself completely from the life I built up...including the close bond with my family members, or I go back and pretend that I accept everything and believe it's the truth when i don't. I just feel like either choice is going to leave a giant void. It's like I finally realized that my life can never be the same again and it scares me to death.
Sorry to be such a downer.
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38
Looking Back, Are You Embarrassed By Your Attitudes, Speech, Actions as a JW?
by minimus ini think of how judgmental we were as witnesses.
"worldly ones" were almost as bad as disfellowshipped ones but not as bad as "apostates"..
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Stumbeline
I've been DF'ed for 6 months and feel so dumb for how I used to think about people who got DF'ed when I was in good standing.
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67
Raising kids - JW mother, agnostic father
by Zana inmy wife and i have two wonderful children aged 1 and 3. i was raised as a lutheran but stopped believing in my late teen years.
my wife is what i would call a liberal jw (yes, i believe such people exist .
sooner or later our children will have questions about religion and the differences mom and dad show towards it.
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Stumbeline
Hi zana- I was actually raised in a similar situation. As a disclaimer, I can't give advice because I have no children and have yet to see where I end up, but this is how my family turned out as an example I guess.
My mom is a divout JW and my dad was an atheist. I have a brother and a sister. My sister and I were baptized, and my brother never was. My mom was pretty insistant about our meeting attendence which my dad wasn't a big fan of on school nights, so there was a bit of tension there. I talked a lot with my dad about how God made the universe, and he would talk to me about the Big Bang (he was also an earth science teacher so I totally got lectured). But I think this is a unique opportunity that can work in your favor...I think that when children are striclty raised as witnesses, they are very sheltered and shut out from other possibilities of how the world works. Not what you would call a "well rounded" individual. I was recently DF'ed and though my mom made sure I was predominantly raised a witness, I'm kind of glad that my fathers influence was there or I would be even more of a mess than I am now. For instance, he let me have "worldly" friends, friends that I talk to even now when I can't talk to my witness ones. I'm also very passionate about science and research-beyond the publications of the WTS. I have the ability to think!
In the end it is their choice. The nice thing is that your wife is "liberal" so although she might want your children to be witnesses one day, she doesn't seem like she would pressure them which is how it should be. Of course, the cong will likely be all over them, but if they know their options, they will be able to think critically and decide what is right outside of te pressure.
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63
What are your turn offs in a guy or girl?
by Iamallcool inone of them is nose rings/piercings.
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Stumbeline
And I can't stand a guy who can't keep his mouth shut while eating. Or any person for that matter
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63
What are your turn offs in a guy or girl?
by Iamallcool inone of them is nose rings/piercings.
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Stumbeline
Ignorance, no desire to learn, complaining, laziness
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43
DF'ed and Confused...
by Stumbeline inso i think the title pretty much says it all.
i have a tendancy to be long winded about things, so i'll just give a general introduction and maybe tell things as i go along.
i don't even really know what i want from this site (ironically i remember jehovahs-witness.net mentioned from the platform as a site not to go to).
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Stumbeline
Phae, I have been coming back and actually re-reading these posts...I also plan on utilizing the resources that many have pointed out too (currently checking out jwfacts). I had been nervous to post, but now I see that was quite silly as you are all amazing people eager to help.
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43
DF'ed and Confused...
by Stumbeline inso i think the title pretty much says it all.
i have a tendancy to be long winded about things, so i'll just give a general introduction and maybe tell things as i go along.
i don't even really know what i want from this site (ironically i remember jehovahs-witness.net mentioned from the platform as a site not to go to).
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Stumbeline
Yes perfect1, I am a Pumpkins fan haha
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43
DF'ed and Confused...
by Stumbeline inso i think the title pretty much says it all.
i have a tendancy to be long winded about things, so i'll just give a general introduction and maybe tell things as i go along.
i don't even really know what i want from this site (ironically i remember jehovahs-witness.net mentioned from the platform as a site not to go to).
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Stumbeline
Wow, I didn't think I was going to recieve so many replies...thank you all so much for your support, perspective, and shared experiences. Some of your words really hit home...It's nice to know that at least I'm not alone and that so many of you care! Honestly it's just such a relief to speak and know that you are being understood...living like this makes me question everything about the kind of person my congregation thought I was and who I thought they were. I work in a public place, so I see some of them from time to time. Its funny to see the sister who used to greet me with a hug every meeting not even make eye contact with me, and another who is almost embarrassed to ask me for help (the only kind of communication allowed being at a workplace). Once in a while I get a smile which makes me feel like a human being. But another weird angle is that I myself remember being really harsh and judgemental towards DF'ed/reproved ones which I'm not exactly proud of now that I'm on the other side.
But i do look foreward to moving out. I'm moving out of state in with a friend from high school. So like a lot of you were suggesting, i'll be living a life that is hopefully more true to myself. I will also be visiting my brother, who was never baptized.
So a few more details: I have an older brother (as mentioned) and an older sister who is a happily married pioneer. My father was an Atheist, and he passed away in 2009 from a rare Parkinson-like disease. Interestingly enough, my mom married him when she was 25 while she was faded out. She didn't attend meetings for 7 years. So in a way I feel like she's trying to prevent me from making her "mistake".
About my ex/relationship: I broke it off with him because at the time, i didn't feel like he was witness marriage material (even though we had been engaged). And my extended family hated him and were extremely judgemental about everything he did. I'm the baby of the fam if that makes more sense. But the second time we "transgressed" was after we broke up...I was extremely depressed because my mother was fighting another bout of Ovarian cancer and I'm the type to think the worst. My ex was one of my favorite people to talk to and always made things a little lighter so I went to him for comfort. Then of course one thing led to another....He never wanted me to go to the elders because he knew I would get DF'ed, which would make a painful situation more painful. But I did because I felt guilty and could only imagine my body being mangled by a meteor at Armageddon. My elders then contacted his elders. His elders tried to contact him, but he avoided them. Him and I lost touch for a while after that. A few months ago I contacted him to learn that he had been sleeping around after the incident with 5 other women and then moved across the country. He was previously married and didn't get baptized till 23, so I kind of understand why he did what he did. In any case, we still talk from time to time. He goes to meetings once in a blue moon.
About my mom: Like I mentioned, she's been battling with cancer. It seems to be going into remission for now though. I've stayed around for support. But it makes it that much harder to leave too. I don't want her to stop being a JW. Its been a staple in giving her hope and getting her through both my dad's and her illness. It gives her purpose and i don't want to undermine that. I've just been telling her that I feel angry and have things to work out. Also that once I'm gone, she can have her witness friends over without them being embarrassed.
So there I go with my long-windedness, but it feels good to get it out. Thank you all again for reading my story and I hope that I can also be a sounding board for anyone else.
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43
DF'ed and Confused...
by Stumbeline inso i think the title pretty much says it all.
i have a tendancy to be long winded about things, so i'll just give a general introduction and maybe tell things as i go along.
i don't even really know what i want from this site (ironically i remember jehovahs-witness.net mentioned from the platform as a site not to go to).
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Stumbeline
So I think the title pretty much says it all. I have a tendancy to be long winded about things, so I'll just give a general introduction and maybe tell things as I go along. I don't even really know what I want from this site (ironically I remember Jehovahs-Witness.net mentioned from the platform as a site NOT to go to). But I'm lacking in people to talk to who could understand my situation. I'm 25, raised in the truth, baptized at 16, DF'ed 6 months ago for almost having sex. I had been privately reproved before for acts classified as 'pornea' with my long-distance boyfriend at the time of 1 year. So even though I was genuinely repentant, I still got the boot. Since then it's just been such a rollercoaster...I wanted to get reinstated within 4 months, so I worked really hard, but along the way, I just got a bit disenchanted. I felt like I had been betrayed. Like I tried every day to do the right thing to the best of my ability, but that it wasn't good enough and everythinig I had was taken away. In the meantime I live with my mom (yeah, I'm 25 and live with my mom. Reasons maybe I'll get into later.) and there is pronounced tension between us. She is very devout, and having an extremely difficult time in allowing me make my own decisions. I am moving out soon though, which is already taking a toll on her because she knows as soon as I'm on my own, we can't talk.
Like I said before, there are tons of other nuances I could get into, but I guess the main thing I'm struggling with is the "what now?" question. I have no idea what to believe or what to do. I'm opening my mind up to different possibilities, some that I'm very interested in, but I can't shake the fact that I miss my family, I'll miss my mom, and even my congregation. I think 90% of the people in my congregation are good people, and mean well. But I know if I go back it won't be the same. I've changed a lot and done a lot in 6 months being on the outside. Plus a 25-year-old formerly df'ed sister who went to college instead of pioneer school isn't exactly classic witness marriage material. But I feel like I don't fit anywhere. And it kind of feels like I'll never be content again. I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has felt this, and what they did. I've never felt so lost in my life.