DF'ed and Confused...

Stumbeline

So I think the title pretty much says it all. I have a tendancy to be long winded about things, so I'll just give a general introduction and maybe tell things as I go along. I don't even really know what I want from this site (ironically I remember Jehovahs-Witness.net mentioned from the platform as a site NOT to go to). But I'm lacking in people to talk to who could understand my situation. I'm 25, raised in the truth, baptized at 16, DF'ed 6 months ago for almost having sex. I had been privately reproved before for acts classified as 'pornea' with my long-distance boyfriend at the time of 1 year. So even though I was genuinely repentant, I still got the boot. Since then it's just been such a rollercoaster...I wanted to get reinstated within 4 months, so I worked really hard, but along the way, I just got a bit disenchanted. I felt like I had been betrayed. Like I tried every day to do the right thing to the best of my ability, but that it wasn't good enough and everythinig I had was taken away. In the meantime I live with my mom (yeah, I'm 25 and live with my mom. Reasons maybe I'll get into later.) and there is pronounced tension between us. She is very devout, and having an extremely difficult time in allowing me make my own decisions. I am moving out soon though, which is already taking a toll on her because she knows as soon as I'm on my own, we can't talk.

Like I said before, there are tons of other nuances I could get into, but I guess the main thing I'm struggling with is the "what now?" question. I have no idea what to believe or what to do. I'm opening my mind up to different possibilities, some that I'm very interested in, but I can't shake the fact that I miss my family, I'll miss my mom, and even my congregation. I think 90% of the people in my congregation are good people, and mean well. But I know if I go back it won't be the same. I've changed a lot and done a lot in 6 months being on the outside. Plus a 25-year-old formerly df'ed sister who went to college instead of pioneer school isn't exactly classic witness marriage material. But I feel like I don't fit anywhere. And it kind of feels like I'll never be content again. I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has felt this, and what they did. I've never felt so lost in my life.

AudeSapere

Hi Stumbeline -

I think you will fit in just great here. At least we understand where you've come from and the issues you deal with in living with an active JW mom.

I'm real sorry to hear things have turned out this way for you. I completely disagee with the hard stance JWs take with normal teenage and adult activities. First pushing them to get baptised too early and then punishing them for minor transgressions. Punishing for eons until the person returns. Most don't return - mostly because they learn that the JW's do not reflect love.

I don't really have advice for you but I'm sure others will.

Nice to have you join us and it's great that you spoke up. You can get alot of information, encouragement and friendship here on this forum.

Welcome!

-Aude Sapere (meaning: Dare to Know; Dare to Have Wisdom/Understanding; Dare to Think for Yourself)

HeyThere

Sorry you are going thru this. How did they find out you almost had sex?

My husband was raised a dub...so it is all he knows religion-wise, whichI am sure you are the same and as a result being df'd feels like you are losing everything...but girl, this is not how a loving religion would be....this is not what jesus would do. Explore this site amd the others, such as jwfacts.com....i was on my way to baptism this summer but now there is no way i will be a dub. Educate yourself, analyze your findimgs, and free yourself.

sending positive thoughts your way....

clarity

Stumble a huge welcome to you, your story

has a common thread. You are not alone for

sure ... hundreds of thousands of jw's leave

WT because of failed doctrine, stumbling over the way

they are treated, blood issue and the horrid DFing

and shunning!

You feel so alone ...because that is the way the WT

has designed their 'punishment'.

Try to be very kind and understanding to your Mom.

She does not want to lose you. Hang around and keep

posting ....this site, JWfacts, Jwstruggle, JW survey will

all help you to get a grasp on what is really going on.

Best wishes to you

clarity

KateWild

Welcome to the board stumbeline,

My situation is very different from yours but has it's similarities. I got Df'd too for reviling. I exposed my husband for Domestic Violence, but he is a good liar and the elders mishandle DV all the time. My point is I tried to get RI'd for over a year and I put in five letters and got refused each time, because my ex, who is a JW in good standing always had something negative to say about me.

The RI process is unscriptural. If you read the shepherd book you realise they can keep you out for years if you have been counseled or Df'd before. If your dad is not an elder with influence on the body this will likely happen. I don't believe the elders are guided by holy spirit. Do you?

The elders were particularly harsh in my last JC meeting. I recorded it, if you want to listen my story is below, I warn you it's 35 mins though. We are here for you. Take care Kate xx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_uWFKDFMdQ

Hortensia

Oh goodness, I'm sorry you're going through this. It will pass. You'll find a new life and you'll enjoy it more than you ever would the JW life. Have you finished college? Make some plans -- where would you like to go, what would you like to do in life and what would it take to get there? Don't do dumb things like drugs and unprotected sex, that will just make life harder. But get out, join groups doing things you like or are interested in. Do some traveling, get as much education as possible.

Also, make sure you exercise outside every day - the daylight and the exercise help you keep from getting depressed while you make all these changes in your life.

One of the best things I did after getting out of the wtbts was get counseling. I am still amazed at how much I didn't know about real life that I learned from my psychologist.

scary21

Welcome Stumble, Is your BF a JW ? Do you love him ? If he is a JW what happened to him ? Did he get reproved ? So sorry for what you are going through . Many on this site have went through the same thing. I am glad I never got baptized myself and did not have to lose my mom.

I have a so called friend the had sex with a worldly man. She was privately reproved. A few years later she had repeated sex with another worldly man. She thought she would be DF for sure. She started calling me and coming to my house all the time . I thought she was my friend.

As soon as she found out she was not to be DF just publicly reproved she dropped me like a hot potato...No JW can be a TRUE friend ! A year went by and I heard from her again. She calls me when she can't talk to her JW friends. Oh well, so is life at the kingdom hall.....lol

In another congregation you may have got PR again after all you did not even have the whole experience lol and not even repeatedly !

Please, never let anyone tell you what you can and cannot read. Or only certain people in Bethel can read that. No thank you ,I can do my own research ,.......Knowledge is a good thing .

Sherry

quellycatface

I am sorry for your pain and confusion.

You are 25. You are an adult. An upright citizen. What right do 3 IMPERFECT men have to tell you how to live your life??

The whole concept of the JC is wrong, wrong and wrong again. I have my own faith now and abhor the whole disfellowshipping thing. It not bloody Christian, I'll tell you that for nothing.

If you want to have a physical relationship with your man, what is wrong with that? What right does your religion have to interfere? The WTBS are holding onto morals that went past their sell by date in the 19th century. It's none of their business, frankly.

Excuse the rant. It's the whole control thing that freaks me out.

Be kind to your Mum but let her know that you are hurting. She may see you suffer and think twice about the jw's. It's not a normal life.

Be brave and step out into the world. We're all quite normal. Make new friends. Join a club, try a new sport or hobby. Just get out there kiddo. You are so young and have all your life ahead of you. Don't let the WT ruin any more of it.

punkofnice

Welcome Stumbleline

raised in the truth

Firstly you might want to stop using the term 'truth'....it's loaded language designed to fool your mind into believing it's actually 'truth'. It isn't.....sorry to have to tell you but you're in a cult.

I think 90% of the people in my congregation are good people,

I have no doubt of it. I was 'good people' when I was a cult member.....but.....the love is only conditional as you have found out. Disagree with 7 paedophile protecting men in Brooklyn and you'll be shunned because the JW's are programmed to protect their popes. The leaders are never wrong..................you've been bombarded by thought reform and propaganda.

May I suggest you read 'Combatting Cult Mind Control' by Steven Hassan.

I don't even really know what I want from this site

May I ask you to do your research............you'll soon find out you were conned by the Brooklyn popes.

Let us know how it goes.

Vanderhoven7

Welcome Stumbeline.

My heart goes out to you. It is hard to be rejected by men, especially if we view them as having God's authority. Jesus sought out those rejected by religious rulers and revealed Himself to them. What matters is not what religious people think, but what God thinks. He works independently of these rulers that we have accepted as and obeyed as though they were gods. God is opposed to such men. Jesus came for the lost, for the sinner, and rushes to greet and put His own robe of righteousness on the prodigal son. He ends the confusion pharisaical men create in our lives by their rejection.

DF'ed and Confused...

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