What is the consensus of the experienced ex-JWs around here? My husband and I only have one aunt & uncle who are True Believers tm, they live several hundred miles away and we rarely see or talk to them. Our children are 12, 11, and 4 and do not have close ties with any other kids at the Hall. We are debating whether we should be proactive and send a disassociation letter or just wait to see what the local elders do. Neither of us has been to a meeting in several weeks, husband has already regrown his beard. Sooner or later, the elders will get wind that we let the older boys join the Scouts and that we are now celebrating birthdays and holidays. We live in a really small town, so the gossip is inevitable. Is it better to get ahead of it and disassociate ourselves, or wait for the elders to do it for us?
to DA or not to DA
by finally awake 35 Replies latest members private
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Phizzy
If I were in your position, I would DA straight away, that way you are totally in control, and you can live your lives in total freedom.
Beware though, once it is done there is no going back, unless you want to rejoin the religion. But ,it is just my opinion, I think you should.
It stops the up their own arse Elders having the satisfaction of declaring you persona non grata, it must be much more satisfying to DA and in effect say :
"Poke your religion, and your self given authority, where the sun don't shine"
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CandleLight
Is there anything left that you feel you need to say to the elder body or any on the members? Because once you DA, communication is over. Really there is no pretty way to leave, some get uglier than others, and once you are gone there is no control over what spin is put on your leaving.
Do what feels right.
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finally awake
I don't have anything that I want to say to the elders, my husband might but I'm not sure. I don't think that there is any point to explaining ourselves to anyone, because they have all been so programmed to not listen. There is one sister that I feel bad about not saying goodbye to, but there isn't anything I could say that would make her feel less bad. There are a couple of people I'd like to tell off, but that isn't productive either. I'm not likely to be able to contain my anger and resentment and I'll come across as a hysterical nutjob.
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ABibleStudent
Hi finally awake. Have you read the thread http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/members/private/219169/1/Important-to-put-in-your-letter-of-DA? If there are some JWs who you would like to tell off now, they may have a lot more fun gossiping about you after you leave without having a lawyer send a DA letter to your congregation.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
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finally awake
ABS, thanks for th elinki. I will check it out.
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CandleLight
Yeah anger is not usually productive, but getting things out in the open can be. I ran into the wall you are talking about with relatives and friends, the programming is thick. You would be suprised with what sticks with them though, they verbally dismiss but it causes such an emotional upheavel that it can force them to try and resolve the inconsistantancy.
Because your in such a small town, focus on explaining things to your children. With my daughter we were very straight forward with her about things, stating what we believed was wrong, and now we are taking steps to fix it. Help remove the guilt that they will automaticly feel because of the JW influence and show them that not all people on the 'outside' are bad.
Best wishes to you and your family, I am glad you are united in your decision, that will help make the transistion less painful.
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oompa
there is something kinda nice in saying this is bullshit and you guys are a flukkin cult and i just cant belive this stuff anymore.....worked for me....oompa
be glad you parents and lots of other family are not in
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OnTheWayOut
This is an endless debate, but the bottom line is that the consensus is "Do what's right for you."
A nice clean break would be great. You can get the monkey off your back.
Others (like me) would enjoy your situation and make the elders do a little work for their titles. If I were in your position, I would let them try to catch up with me and blow off appointments they make, screen calls, answer the door then ask why they didn't call first, I would show up at a judicial committee and ask what proof of anything they have, appeal the DF, but then in-the-end let it go.
You see how much work that would be on my part? Sometimes, I do understand why people DA. But you can also just ignore them and let them DF you in absentia. Do what's right for you.
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cedars
finally awake - in your position, I would disassociate in a heartbeat. However, it's your decision!
Cedars