to DA or not to DA

by finally awake 35 Replies latest members private

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  Giordano

  What about the future when it comes to birthdays and holidays like Christmas? If you would feel inhibited then they would still be a negative factor in your lives. So DA.

  If you are leery of them in terms of potential slander issues, this being a small town, re your business or jobs. Then I would definitely go to an attorney and prepare a brief letter as outlined on page one (actual letter halfway down page) and set the tone by having them deal only with your attorney who will brush them off.

  If approached by any of the elders refer them to your attorney. That on advice from your attorney you are not permitted to speak to them in their capacity as officials of their congregation in case any civil issue arises. Tell them you are not speaking to them out of love.....LOL.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  I know I said to do what's right for you, but you added your concerns about running into JW's and being able to speak with the few you really like.

  That said, the few are on their own. They may shun you even if you don't DA. The others, let them squirm.

  The cost of avoiding a DA/DF is going to be paid by your children. If you want to let them fully experience normal growing-up stuff like holidays and birthdays, you are going to have to DA or do it on the low-key side, explaining everything to them about avoiding being kicked out of a cult.

  The typical fader (someone who avoids DA/DF and just stops doing JW stuff) does it for extended family reasons. In any case, you have to expect "the friends" to treat you differently and lose most of your personal contacts with JW's. That's the case with me. I am not DF'ed/DA'ed but none of them call me and have had occasion to pretend they didn't see me. WHO NEEDS THEM?
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  sinis

  Why would you DA, and bow to their rules? Leave them in the dust and no longer return. Why give into the rules? By adhering to rules, you basically relinquished your rights over to them...
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  finally awake

  I plan on celebrating holidays and birthdays from now on. I don't know how likely it is that anyone would notice as long as I don't hang lights on the house. I don't know about the possibility of slander causing me work issues. If someone went around telling the people I have to work with how awful I am, it would suck. Just how vindictive and slanderous are they likely to be?
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  moshe

  It's too bad that JWs don't have to tithe and all the official baptized members would be required to pay 10% of their income every year- that alone would make the decision on whether to DA or not, an easy one for all the fence-sitting doubting JWs- they would be handing in their DA letters to the elders ASAP.- Not another dollar to the WT Corporation.

  I have a friend who when given multiple options, can't make a decsion- he waits until all options are off the table and he is boxed into a corner with only the option of fighting his way in one lousy direction for survival. What direction do you want your life to go in? Steer the rudder in that direction- away from the KH- it's easy.
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  pghdjmarty

  I was Dfed and, back then, it made a difference whether you were DFed or DAed. Daed was a kinder, gentler DFed! :0) It didn't really matter to me because, by then, I had already inwardly disassociated myself from the WTBTS. I had committed to doing as I chose, knowing that sooned or later someone would narc me out to the elders. I had a meeting with them, I got to say what I needed to say, and they got rid of me. Your situation is very different, though. It was just me-your decision will affect your whole family. I think it's important that you discuss this with the other members of your immediate family. It will influence their lives also. Whatever decision you make, I hope it leads you down the road you want to travel.