advice please

susank

Hello. I am not and never have been a JW, but have recently become involved with a man who is, and I hope some of the people here can help me because I'm confused.

Darth Yhwh

Well, your confusion is certainly understandable. What exactly is this persons status in the JW organization?

susank

Something went wrong in my post, I am sorry all of the text didn't show up. I will try again.

Hello. I am not and never have been a JW, but have recently become involved with a man who is, and I hope some of the people here can help me because I'm confused.

He wanted me to research the religion. I've been scared and disturbed by many of the things I've found out (I just did a web search on 'Jehovah's Witnesses' and found a lot of information that probably isn't what he had in mind when he told me to research it.) I found this site and have read hundreds of the posts here trying to figure out how to read this person and what is really going on in his head.

I will try not to let this get too long. Here are the biggest issues I'm trying to figure out right now:

1) This person has been a JW his whole life, is baptized, and goes to all of the meetings and the 'conventions' that people travel to, so I'm pretty sure he is 'hard core'. But he downplays it a lot, and also seems to do some things that I've learned he shouldn't be doing (associating with me for example). Is this normal for people who really do 'believe' and are 'hard core' or might he really not believe it all so much? I can't really get a straight answer.

2) When we have discussions about 'religious' issues, the way he explains and justifies his views seems messed up and illogical. I question him on these issues and try to point out the illogic and inconsistencies. Then he kind of agrees that it seems to not make sense and then changes the subject. Is that the normal way JWs deal with it when people point this stuff out? He doesn't really try to argue or even disagree with me, just kind of moves on. So I don't know if he's seeing my point at all or just tuning it out?

3) This person is unemployed, broke, and not interested in working. He believes that he shouldn't have to work to make money. This bothers me, is this a normal attitude among JWs? Also some of the posts I've read here about money also worry me, because I am fairly well off (I work), not rich or anything but I'm comfortable. If he doesn't want to work, and also he has a family that is poor, I am worried about being wiped out by these people even though he says money isn't important. I don't know if my concerns here are justified or not.

4) This person seems to hate most people (even his own family and they are all JWs too), and is very harsh and judgemental of others. But he doesn't act that way with me and he has a few other "worldly" friends who he also treats nicely. But many of the people he hates are people who haven't done anything wrong, so I don't understand this either.

I'm not sure what I'm even asking here. I am just uneasy in my heart about allot of things, and some of the things that I have learned in my own research about all of this really scare me. This person is usually good and kind to me, and he sort of downplays the whole JW thing, but I've read so many horror stories that I can't help wonder if it's all some kind of trick or trap. I realize none of you know this guy personally and maybe it's different for every person, but if any of this stuff is standard JW behavior that you recognize as being bad news, I would appreciate any thoughts or advice.

Thank you.

Stealth

Welcome Sunsank, You say that he doesn't like most people or treat them very well, you can expect the same treatment toward you once the newness of the relationship wears off. RUN!

jt stumbler

Theres so much advice here. Keep reading and you will come to your own conclusions.

jgnat

Yes for point three. That should help you make the decision to end it. I don't need to read any more.

And, yes, all his illogical and inconsistent behavior is typical of a JW, hardcore or not. He has to keep an internal "justification" loop going on in his head to have anything like a normal life. JW's may be the master excuse-makers on the planet.

Seeking Knowledge

Welcome Susank

There is a TON of information here to help you find your way. I have to agree with Jgnat tho on #3....JW or not that ain't right!!

SK

Darth Yhwh

1) This person has been a JW his whole life, is baptized, and goes to all of the meetings and the 'conventions' that people travel to, so I'm pretty sure he is 'hard core'. But he downplays it a lot, and also seems to do some things that I've learned he shouldn't be doing (associating with me for example). Is this normal for people who really do 'believe' and are 'hard core' or might he really not believe it all so much? I can't really get a straight answer.

Well your right, if he's associating with you then he has overstepped the leash that the "orginazation" keeps him on.

2) When we have discussions about 'religious' issues, the way he explains and justifies his views seems messed up and illogical. I question him on these issues and try to point out the illogic and inconsistencies. Then he kind of agrees that it seems to not make sense and then changes the subject. Is that the normal way JWs deal with it when people point this stuff out? He doesn't really try to argue or even disagree with me, just kind of moves on. So I don't know if he's seeing my point at all or just tuning it out?

You need to keep questioning his reasoning. JW's doctrine is seriously flawed. He cant defend because he either knows deep down that it's wrong or he just flat out doesn't understand.

3) This person is unemployed, broke, and not interested in working. He believes that he shouldn't have to work to make money. This bothers me, is this a normal attitude among JWs? Also some of the posts I've read here about money also worry me, because I am fairly well off (I work), not rich or anything but I'm comfortable. If he doesn't want to work, and also he has a family that is poor, I am worried about being wiped out by these people even though he says money isn't important. I don't know if my concerns here are justified or not.

He's not interested in secular employement because JW's believe that the end of the world is so close that there is no reason to seek material possesions. Although, even the most hard core JW's realize that they have to have a source of income to survive until the end. His lack of interest in work could be considered laziness.

4) This person seems to hate most people (even his own family and they are all JWs too), and is very harsh and judgemental of others. But he doesn't act that way with me and he has a few other "worldly" friends who he also treats nicely. But many of the people he hates are people who haven't done anything wrong, so I don't understand this either.

Well this pretty much describes all JW's, although they'll tell you that they're the most caring and loving people on earth. They're just under too much stress to conform to the "society's" regulations to really be a truely loving people. I was very judgemental, harsh, and sarcastic when I first left the "orginization". Im still a bit of a smart as$, but not as bad as I used to be.

Scully

There are dozens of threads about situations similar to yours. LadyLee has done a stellar job of compiling them here: The Best of... I'm married to or dating a JW

You have every right to be concerned... particularly about your financial well-being. This is just my opinion, but being out of work and having no motivation to get work would be a drop dead deal breaker in a relationship. You've no doubt worked hard to be where you are financially and you are entitled to be with someone who isn't going to use you as a sugar-momma. Screwed up belief system aside, this is one HUGE red flag that you literally cannot afford to ignore.

Deputy Dog

susank

1) This person has been a JW his whole life, is baptized, and goes to all of the meetings and the 'conventions' that people travel to, so I'm pretty sure he is 'hard core'. But he downplays it a lot, and also seems to do some things that I've learned he shouldn't be doing (associating with me for example). Is this normal for people who really do 'believe' and are 'hard core' or might he really not believe it all so much? I can't really get a straight answer.
2) When we have discussions about 'religious' issues, the way he explains and justifies his views seems messed up and illogical. I question him on these issues and try to point out the illogic and inconsistencies. Then he kind of agrees that it seems to not make sense and then changes the subject. Is that the normal way JWs deal with it when people point this stuff out? He doesn't really try to argue or even disagree with me, just kind of moves on. So I don't know if he's seeing my point at all or just tuning it out?

Just remember, he will lose his family and friends, if they think he agrees with you or they find out about you. They will shun him.

D Dog

advice please

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