advice please

by susank 30 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Hellrider

  I'm pretty sure he is 'hard core'. But he downplays it a lot, and also seems to do some things that I've learned he shouldn't be doing (associating with me for example). Is this normal for people who really do 'believe' and are 'hard core' or might he really not believe it all so much

  
  

  
  He downplays it a lot, because he knows that if he had told you flat out what he believes, you would run like Ben Johnson. It`s pretty normal for a "hardcore JW", especially a man, to associate with a non-JW potential mate, if: A) He assumes it`s likely that he will be able to persuade you to go into his religion with you, or B) If he is the kind of person that sees nothing wrong in anything he does. That he is the kind of person who does whatever he wants to, and still thinks he is righteous. This one is hard to explain, but it involves (hidden) sociopatic personality-traits, like lack of conscience and ability to see own wrong-doings (because, as you said, it is wrong for him to associate with you, thru the eyes of his religion), so B) is even worse than A).

  Is that the normal way JWs deal with it when people point this stuff out? He doesn't really try to argue or even disagree with me, just kind of moves on.

  That`s because you aren`t "ready" for it yet...just wait till he marries you!

  So I don't know if he's seeing my point at all or just tuning it out?

  He`s just tuning out. You`re not "ready" for it yet.

  3) This person is unemployed, broke, and not interested in working. He believes that he shouldn't have to work to make money. This bothers me, is this a normal attitude among JWs?

  Well, not really. But they are made to believe that money doesn`t matter, and that it`s the time you put in working for Jehovah, that decides whether you will be saved or not, on Armageddon day. Also, he`s just waiting for the "new system", and money don`t matter there. There`s be plenty of houses left over after the 99.9999 % of the worlds population that weren`t JWs, and consequently were killed by God in Armageddon, to take over. They`ll all be living in mansions, don`t you know?

  This person seems to hate most people (even his own family and they are all JWs too), and is very harsh and judgemental of others

  Pretty common for JWs. I`m still a bit like that myself, after growing up in that crap.

  But many of the people he hates are people who haven't done anything wrong, so I don't understand this either.

  See above. They exist.

  I'm not sure what I'm even asking here. I am just uneasy in my heart about allot of things, and some of the things that I have learned in my own research about all of this really scare me.

  You should be scared. The JW-religion is a mind-controlling, brainwashing cult, like so many others, but perhaps even worse than the others, because it`s very subtile, in a way.

  I've read so many horror stories that I can't help wonder if it's all some kind of trick or trap.

  It probably is. Run like you never ran before in your whole life.

  Also, I have edited my post to ask one more question: Do JWs who are as involved as this man seems to be lead a 'double life' because they don't really believe in the JWs and maybe want to get out?

  See answer in beginning of post.
• 

  doofdaddy

  The way you explain the situation, I would hazard a guess that this guy is disfellowshpped or at least marked. Generally jw's work and provide for themselves. Generally they will have a reasonable grasp of their beliefs and will only be too willing to preach. Generally they have positive things to say about fellow believers and family.

  When people ask me advice on relationships, I usually say, if you go ahead with this person, what will it be like in 5 yrs, 10 yrs?

  When will you stop saving him? Or more likely, when will HE get sick of you controlling and "advising" him?

  Isn't that what he is rebelling against in his religion and family?
• 

  Lady Lee

  When will you stop saving him? Or more likely, when will HE get sick of you controlling and "advising" him?

  Well there's a real problem. The men are supposed to be head of the house and women in subjection to their husbands. If she doesn't subject herself the elders get called in and lay down the law and meddle in your lives.
• 

  Spectre

  Witnesses are limited to other witnesses as their mate. When I was in there was nobody around that I ever got along with or who I was attracted to. That was always a source of frustration and then resentment as I was wasting away years of my life where I was in my "prime". If I had met someone outside the organization at the time, I might have rationalized it that, "she seems receptive about the witnesses, if something happens where we get married I'm sure I can convince her that it's the right religion." When it comes down to it though, if it gets to the stage of marraige, I personally think that he is justifying the relationship for sex.
• 

  A Paduan

  I would appreciate any thoughts or advice

  You're in a relationship with a hateful, judgemental, life member of a cult; he doesn't like to work for a living and you're concerned that he may rip you off; as a jw he thinks that the world will end soon (anytime now); an invisible tryanical dictator who hates us and loves him will soon kill us and favour him, as he attends his regular spiritual food fests (instead of living life).

  Not my kind of thing to be into.
• 

  Mulan

  I'm not sure what I'm even asking here. I am just uneasy in my heart about allot of things,

  Listen to that little voice! Intuition is really powerful.

  I think he is not the typical Jehovah's witness. I knew a few who didn't like to work, and used being a JW as an excuse for not buying a house, not owning a decent car, etc. They would blame the "keep your eye simple" advice we were often given. But, there are many JW's who are very successful and some are wealthy, so his attitude toward work is his own.

  I think most of them cannot explain their beliefs very well, so in that way, he is pretty much like all of them.
• 

  Bryan

  3. This person is unemployed, broke, and not interested in working. He believes that he shouldn't have to work to make money.

  This should be enough for you to realize he should not be anything more than a friend.

  Please be carefull, but if you feel he is really the man for you then I would make him answer to the points you have found concerning the cult. AND DON'T LET HIM CHANGE THE SUBJECT! This is way typical way JW's deal with their teachings that don't make sense.

  I hope you find your way and great happiness,

  Bryan

  Have You Seen My Mother
• 

  Michelle5480

  As an ex JW, I have seen it many times. Men go out in search of a wife or mate and look for one they see as someone good hearted that may "make the truth their own". Meaning he's killing two birds with one stone. He finds a mate and at the same time he "saves" you. Unless he is completely decided on leaving that religion alone and leaving it behind it will be nothing but drama in your life.

  Soon comes the pressure to go to a few meetings, then a bible study with some other JW's. Think about what your life would be like to raise children with him if you dont completely believe what he believes. If he hasnt on his own decided to leave the JW's, he may never do it. It entails lots of heartache. Leaving people you've known for years. Beliefs that fill every crevice of your mind and affect every aspect of your life. The biggest thing for most I think is the guilt factor.

  Unless you plan on converting, leave this man alone until he leaves them on his own.

  Just my opinion. Best of luck to you. My email is always open [email protected]
• 

  sass_my_frass

  Hi hon

  He might one day find his way out, but it will be a long and ugly trip for him it seems. Anybody here who has left would agree, and anybody here whose partner is a JW would tell you that it's HARD WORK. As a special bonus, your guy is also a lazy bum with a dependant family.

  You sound like an intelligent woman who is interested in learning, and working things out for herself. Open your eyes to the lie that this guy is living and ask yourself if you want to be a part of it.
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  DelTheFunkyHomosapien

  Run like the freakin wind. He will never ever work. I know someone just like him. Good little wifey spends 14hrs a day away from home then comes home to cook tea. If you do get hitched that is when he will really dig the hooks in and the pressure to convert will be insumountasble (sp).

  In closing:

  RUN