A friend of mine had a sister who came to be disfellowshipped. We had all three hung out together previously, and she moved to another city, then wrote informing us that the local elders had decided to disfellowship her. I didn't talk to her for a couple of years, although her sister did maintain contact. Then saw her at a funeral for a relative. I decided "enough of this crap" and went over to her, greeted her, and talked to her as if nothing had happened. She brightened visibly, and I felt very happy inside, sure that I had done the right thing. We are still friends today, now that we have all finished with WTBTS.
How many of you shunned others when you were a JW?
by Lady Lee 54 Replies latest jw friends
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daystar
Yes. However, for me it was less out of a judgemental viewpoint than it was out of a sense that they must be some sort of a freakshow. Sort of like when you're a kid and you get your first, in person, introduction to someone with severe physical deformation. A rather innocent, wide-eyed stare... "it's a disfellowshipped person...*gasp*"
Hey, I was a kid.
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littlerockguy
I shunned those who were DF'd although I didn't like it but I thought it was what I was suppose to do and the people who were DF'd didn't hold it against me since if the situation were switched around they would shun me so they didn't hold it against me.
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GoingGoingGone
I shunned anyone who was df'd... even close family members and good friends. I felt horrible about doing it, but I truly believed that I had to do everything 'right': If I was a JW and they taught that shunning df'd people was what you had to do, then that's what I had to do.
I'm not df'd now, but if I am one day I will understand if JWs feel they have to shun me. I won't like it, but I'll understand.
GGG
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coffee_black
I shunned a couple who left the organization for "apostacy". I felt terrible about it. Years later, when I left myself, they were the first ones to help me. Wonderful people.
I didn't shun my best friend and her husband when they drifted away. She is still my best friend today.
Coffee
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atypical
I shunned one of my best, oldest friends while he was df'd. At the time, I thought I was helping him. We often talk about it, and he doesn't hold it against me because he knows I thought I was doing what was right.
Later, after I started to mentally rebel at the idea of disfellowshipping, I purposely would hang out publicly with another friend who was df'd. I was reported to the elders and threatened with judicial action.
Lately, someone I am very fond of in our hall got df'd, and I made a point right in the kingdom hall (he had to go past me to sit down, it was during the meeing and towards the front so everyone could see) to reach up and grab his arm; shaking it like a quick 'I love you'. I could feel my wife stiffen like she was going to pass out, and I made sure to do it with a big smile and no embarrassment. I agree with Dave, that touch is a big deal because it establishes something much deeper than all the surface crap the person is dealing with.
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Darth Yhwh
Every time someone was defd or publicly reproved, yes I shunned them.
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dedpoet
When a close friend was dfd, I joined in the shunning process, but I hated it. I occasionally see the guy now, he is still out, and we are friends again. I once mentioned the shunning to him, and tried to apologise, but he said I was doing what I understood to be right then and he had no hard feelings.
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twinflame
My oldest daughter had been a regular pioneer when she was 17 but was removed when she allowed an older MS touch her breast. Like my other children, she beat feet out the door at 18 and moved out of state. This girl had never even been on a real date. She met someone, got pregnant, turned herself in to the local 'authorities' and was disfellowshipped. Funny.....the PO's 17-year-old daughter living at hom was in the same condition, but she was a 'little slow' mentally so it was 'different'.
My husband said I was to have nothing to do with her in order to force her to see the error of her ways and work her way back. I can't believe I went along and actually missed the birth of my first grandchild. A few months after giving birth, she did work towards reinstatement so I was allowed to see her while she was 'working on things'. Like many others, she came back to have her family back. She went from a large family to nothing in a short period of time, since her younger siblings could not speak to her either.
It makes me sick to my stomach even now, 12 years later, to think I could do such a thing to her. I won't be bitter, I won't be bitter, I won't........
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chrissee
A good friend of mine growing up was DF'd when we were about 16 (for dating a worldly guy). I tried to see her, but she didn't want to talk to me. So when she finally started back to the KH to be reinstated. I went right up to her and said, 'I just wanted to say hi and that I've missed you.'
Later she told me that she got in trouble with the elders because I spoke to her! Tough! Even my mother told me not to talk to her. I said, I don't care, I want to say hi to my friend.