i did. always felt horrible about it, but i did. i softened on this only recently and really didn't know how to behave... now i can't even tell them i'm sorry because i'm too ashamed about it.
How many of you shunned others when you were a JW?
by Lady Lee 54 Replies latest jw friends
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banished1
Dear Miss Peaches....((((((hug)))))))))!!!
Your story has touched my heart today. Lady Lee is right. You did nothing wrong.
Hope your family continues to make progress and you find happiness after all you've been through.
Life is an interesting journey. -
Cordelia
<<<<MISS PEACHES>>>>>>
THE WHOLE SHUNNING RULE IS EVIL COLD HEARTED AND CRUEL,
i used to smile slightly at dfed ones (and then felt really rellbellious!) shame noone does that for me! how can they think that ignoring people so much can get them back without them being bitter and twisted!
ps. anyone got the references to where the dfing stance kept changing?
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Utopian Reformist
I am glad I did not practice the shunning because I always thought it was cruel. I was mildly scolded dozens of times by others for being seen talking, sometimes laughing, or associating with disfellowshipped and disassociated people. It never bothered me and I am glad.
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Jankyn
My dad was disfellowshipped when I was eight. He was the first person I knew that had been disfellowshipped, and of course I never shunned him.
What that meant for me was a "secret" rebellion: Whenever we had a disfellowshipped person in the hall, I'd make a point of smiling and waving to them when my mom wasn't looking, and I would make a point of speaking to df'd people I saw in town. Yes, it was sneaky. But I was a child, and it was one of the ways I fought the indoctrination, at least successfully enough to save myself.
I will never forget the pain and humiliation of watching old family "friends" shun my father in the grocery store. What's worse is that they shunned me, too; then at the hall the next night acted as if nothing had happened at all.
Shunning sucks.
Jankyn
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AlmostAtheist
ps. anyone got the references to where the dfing stance kept changing?
Here's a nice collection from the Quotes site, available while supplies last: http://quotes.watchtower.ca/DF_DA.htm
I love this quote from a 1952 Watchtower: "We are not living today among theocratic nations where such members of our fleshly family relationship could be exterminated for apostasy... Being limited by the laws of the worldly nation in which we live and also by the laws of God through Jesus Christ, we can take action against apostates only to a certain extent." -- What a shame that just when they come to power, the nations and Jehovah would abandon stoning as the punishment-of-choice! Poor them!
Assholes. My gawd..
Dave
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tijkmo
yes i did because i thought it was helping them...what a prat
but i wouldnt have shunned someone who came to me in an obviously distressed emotional state
and i always went to welcome back re-instated ones
I tried to make a point of touching any DF'd people I happened to speak to as described above. I remember when I was DF'd while still a believer it meant the WORLD to me when someone touched me. Even just a brush against me on their way by. But some went so far as to put their hand on my shoulder or pat my back. The touch meant everything, so I tried to pay it forward once I was reinstated.
yup been there too -
AlmostAtheist
but i wouldnt have shunned someone who came to me in an obviously distressed emotional state
Thanks for mentioning this, because neither would I. I knew it then and I know it now, I would never have shunned someone that was coming to me for help.
Dave
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Jamelle
I don't remember ever shunning anyone - but in our congregation anyone who was DFd was always sitting in back and would leave right after the meeting was over. I'm sure I avoided meeting their eyes when going back to the bathroom - just can't recall.
Truth is - I was the first to be disfellowshipped out of our hall's large group of teenagers - so they all got to practice on me. It was my turn to sit at the back, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. Whatever.
I was definitely raised to shun and to do so to a very nasty level - my mother - being the wonderful woman that she was drilled stories into my head about how it was wrong to even smile at a DFd person. That would be like saying it was okay to be DFd. I remember her telling me a story about how a DFd woman whispered a question to her "Is this seat taken?"
My mother proudly reported that she "just glared at that person until they went away". Wow - that something to be proud of, huh?
The good news is that I can remember mentally rebelling against my mother's extremeist attitude towards things like this since I was the age of 5. Guess I never was cut out to be one of the Borg. Thank God!
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mouthy
But I also had an uncle who was DFed. (Mouthy knows all this history !!
She sure does. !!! practically ruined my family!!!it was my son-in-law.Whom we loved.. At my daughters wedding to him- I would not get in the wedding line because I did not want to stand next to HIS Father--- Shame on me!!!After that I felt so guilty when I saw a DF witness I would wink at them... I still felt guilty but thought well if Jehovah ditched me & chucked me off the Ark for that- they were worth it