Still on the fence! (page 2)

AuldSoul

We ALL could use a good brain WASHING now and then.

Still highly controlled, afraid of, and motivated by the words of earthling men.

Could we all use a little of THAT every now and then, defd?

AuldSoul

exjdub

he will never understand, what it is like to be born in the org grow up in the org spend your teenage years and some of your adulthood in it,then find out that they might not be THE TRUTH! Let me say its earth shattering!

acuragirl,

After being "raised in the Truth" from the age of 5 and remaining until I was 35, I can understand what you are feeling. It is earth shattering to learn that you have been deceived. All of the feelings that you describe are feelings that I felt as well. But how else would someone feel after placing so much trust in an organization that has betrayed us so deeply? Your feelings are quite normal.

If it makes you feel any better I can tell you that, for some unexplicable reason, I decided to go to a meeting two years ago (I had been inactive for 7-8 years at that point) after an elderly sister came to my door and treated me in a kindly way. What is worse is that I actually allowed an elder to talk me into a "study." After one very brief study I came to my senses, but it left me shaken. I could not figure out what posessed me to do that. I feel so strongly that the JWs do not have the truth and I have witnessed the hypocrisy and lack of love for many, many years. What is worse is that I live in a completely different area than where I was previously associated. I had anonymity. Nobody in my town knew I was ever a witness. I had absolutely no reason to do what I did. Sometimes abusive relationships cause us to do crazy things.

So...I guess my point is that the abusive bonds are very strong. Trust your instincts. One of the things that made it difficult for me to leave was the constant feeling that "I was not worthy of the Organization." How could we feel any other way when we have been constantly told that we are not worthy our whole lives? Couple that with the constant barrage of disapproval, control, and browbeating that goes on in the Borg and you have a recipe for one confused and scared person. I now realize that the "Organization is not worthy of me." Just remember one thing: Courage is not something that you receive completely before doing something that is terrfying. Courage is a reward for doing something that terrifies you. Leaving the "safety" of the Borg is terrifying. Once you have opened the door, though, you will always have the courage to stand by your convictions. It has taken courage for you to question the WTBTS. Trust Yourself. Continue to ask questions.

Warmest Regards,

exjdub

Sam the Man

"STILL BRAINWASHED! We ALL could use a good brain WASHING now and then."

He's just quoting Steve Hassan from his Moonie days. When he was a Moonie, he 'knew' that he hadn't been brainwashed. ;)

exjdub

Sis Jehovah KNOWS your pain. He feels for you, believe me. Jehovah is more patient and understanding than we know. Just CONTINUE to take your concerns to Him. It is written....Throw all your burdens and anxiety upon Jehovah and he will sustain you, because He CARES for you.

And that results in....nothing. The walls echoed a long time before I finally got it. I sobbed in prayer many a night before I decided to stop being a victim.

Defd, I don't know how long you have been a JW, but I find your words to be simplistic in nature when there are very complex emotional/abusive issues at hand. I guess I would not expect you to answer differently knowing you are still active. What if you throw your anxiety and burdens on Jehovah and he sustains you by motivating you to leave the JWs? Your answer as a JW would most likely be: "You didn't trust Jehovah because you left his spirit directed organization." Once again showing that whenever an honest hearted person does something to change the agony in their lives there will be a JW readily available to heap on more feelings of failure. After all, if you don't stay with the WTBTS it can't be their utter failure as "Jehovah's Organization", can it? It can only mean that you are a failure, right? Well, I had enough of those feelings and decided to change them. I hope that acuragirl is able to address her broken heart in a way that works for her, whatever that way is.

exjdub

Ingenuous

theres thats piece of me that says,but what if?

I found myself wrestling with the same question early on. It was mainly a product of self-doubt, not proof that I misunderstood reality.

I had to play it out like this: What if it's true? What if it's true despite:

Pharisaic rule-making?
Fear-based motivation?
Rampant hypocrisy?
False prophecy?
A disfiguring of the Christian faith as presented in the Bible?
A group of men who claim that they are the true and only mediators between God and men?
An organization that teaches salvation is based on accepting all of their teachings and equates disagreement with them with disobedience to God?
An organization that continues to create arbitrary rules which cost people their lives and shows that organization to be unrepentently bloodguilty?

I'm sure you can come up with others.

It's a bit difficult to start second-guessing one's self about such an organization when we play the "What if?" for all it's worth.

I imagined myself standing before God on judgement day (all of this is figurative and imaginary, of course) and trying to explain to God how I was able to remain in such an organization because I second-guessed myself. Would I be able to look Him in the eye and say, "Well, even with all of that, even with all I knew - well, I wasn't totally sure. I just kept wondering, 'What if?'" Would God buy that?

Would I buy that?

I'd highly recommend Franz' books. I especially appreciated In Search of Christian Freedom.

I also appreciated Lady Lee's post How would you feel if... And AuldSoul's post Would you teach your son? The Jehovah's Witnesses' Truth Course, recommended by another poster, is also excellent.

You'll get there when you're ready.

xjwms

How about this:

The Watchtower: May 1, 2004 Page 11 and Par 15, ... Jehovah does not communicate directly with anyone today.

The Watchtower: August 1, 2002 Page 14 and Par 22, ... Although no organization directed by humans can be perfect.

I say: Let their own words hang em.

exjdub

How about this:
The Watchtower: May 1, 2004 Page 11 and Par 15, ... Jehovah does not communicate directly with anyone today.
The Watchtower: August 1, 2002 Page 14 and Par 22, ... Although no organization directed by humans can be perfect.
I say: Let their own words hang em.

Well said xjwms.

xjwms

Thank you exjdub

blondie

acuragirl, it took me 50 years and 2 short periods of inactivity to get the point. The WTS is an abusive organization.

Ask yourself, would you have to have a new husband lined up before you left the abusive one?

No, of course not, you'd find the strength to get away from the abuse.

Being on this DB shows you have found that strength. Even abusive husbands have their "good" points but is it worth exposing yourself to the abuse?

Better alone than with an abusive husband.

Better no religion than an abusive one.

I was a slow learner but I have graduated with a PhD. I am an expert in recognizing the BS that is piled higher and deeper each year by the WTS.

PM me if you have any specific questions. I will try to share what I have learned.

Love, Blondie

xjwms

Blondie

Right On !!!

Still on the fence!

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