Thinking of getting reinstated? Read my story.

by Jez 51 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Midget-Sasquatch

  BTTT

  Jez,

  I think that it is possible to be wrapped up in emptiness. Its odd how the void ...engulfs...many jws. Constraining them and others like you, who interact with them. Its melancholy, knowing the truth about the WTS, seeing how it binds those you really care for, but an even sadder reality if we then allow it to control ourselves as well. That isn't you though.

  I could relate with your desire to reconnect with others who've you've known for so long. And I was really moved by your wanting to foster a true deeper spirituality, instead of just settling for the thin veneer that fakes it. I admire your principled stance and your integrity to yourself. I wish I were more like you. Take care Jez.
• 

  bikerchic

  (((((Jez)))))

  Thanks for the profound post!

  I did this because I love my sister in law and her children. Sadly, it did not improve the relationship like I had hoped it would. If anything, it damaged it. I trusted her with every single piece of me. The truth about me was too much for her to handle, to accept. It felt like I had to be what she wanted me to be, in order to be accepted fully. Once you realize that you have lived your whole life like that, you can't consciously continue that and remain healthy. Now, how can I tell her my secrets? My fears? My problems? The trust that she will just listen, not judge, not want me to change, has been hurt. Friendship is based on acceptance of who the other person is. With your best friend, you never have to pretend. You can say one thing about life, your husband, your kids, sex, religion, etc and your friend knows that you could be trying on different perspectives, attitudes, or just ‘in a place’. I no longer know how much of myself she wants to see and it inhibits our friendship more than being disfellowshipped ever did. If you are thinking of getting reinstated for family, don’t.

  Live your truth, Jez

  Ahh yes young grasshopper you have learned a lesson well.......to thy own self be true. Friendship requires nothing of you but to show up, if you have to try to make it work, well it's not going to on any level so never give your secret self away.

  Hang in there and kudos to you for sticking to your guns with the elders.
• 

  Aude_Sapere

  Hi Jez -

  I've missed your posts and am happy to know that you still love us (!!! hehe) yet sorry to hear about the pains you have gone thru. It was not in vain, though. You have identified more truth for yourself and for your family. By posting your experience, I am confident that more than a few people will be able to avoid a little pain themselves and perhaps save 6-12months in time striving after something rather futile.

  At least it allows them/us an opportunity to better weigh the pros and cons.

  Thanks again for a thoughtful post. Real nice to see you again.

  -Aude.
• 

  sass_my_frass

  I'm trying to get reinstated Jez. Your story really touched me.... thank you so much.

  My reasons are entirely selfish; I want my family back eventually. I don't think I'm a good enough actress though so I don't think I'll get through the meeting, if I ever get one. I'm not even asking for a year. Right now I'll just go to the meetings, already knowing that what they're saying is impossible to swallow. But I kind of owe it to my family, just to make this little effort. And the future me; to know that I did at least try, and it wasn't worth it.
• 

  bythesea

  Thanks for sharing your experience, Jez...and I'm so sorry that you have had these tough lessons. You sound like someone who WILL come out of it ok, tho. Hugs.

  I wish my df son and his df wife could read your experience...they are trying to be reinstated, both have gone to their respective elder bodys and have been told "not yet, keep up the good work, tho". I feel sure that it is mostly for family reasons that they are trying to get reinstated....if they could just read your post!

  bythesea
• 

  jgnat

  bythesea, you might leave around a printed copy of the story with all the internet tags removed. You might put it in a bright folder marked "shunning research".

  It seems many JW's are nosy.
• 

  Sheepish

  It's a good thing that JW's aren't better at the love thing...other wise they might not be exposed as easily. Not that they are necessarily worse than a lot of churches our there...that is my point, they are the same as many many churches in "Christendom." Been to lots of churches and it seems you can always spot the real ones...talk about your remnant!
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  Jez

  Sass:
  

  But I kind of owe it to my family, just to make this little effort.

  I felt the exact same way. My SIL had never shunned me for the 4 years that I was df'ed. I felt that I owed it to her. But I now realize that this is JW thinking that is hard to see in oneself. It goes like this: "YOU knew the consequences of your actions, YOU knew that we would shun you, WE have no choice, YOU know what you need to do to get your family back again. It is not up to us, it is up to YOU."

  That is faulty reasoning to put all of the responsibility on us. I OWE my family nothing. Regardless of their inability to accept responsibility or to justify going against bible principle, it is THEIR decision to shun or to not shun. You have to ask yourself what kind of people could be forced to do this to someone that they love so deeply. What misplaced loyalty they have!!!

  You have to come to that realization. They DO have a choice and they have made it. Making life decisions should not come with a huge loss of family, rather making life decisions should come with even greater love and support from your family.

  EVERYTHING that we have been taught about love is backasswards. RETHINK your reasoning because as with many of us, it is constantly faulty because it has been indoctrinated for purposes other than a true concern for YOUR well-being.

  Jez
• 

  searching4?

  I tried to get reinstated 3 years ago. Attended meetings for 3 months without missing one. I even drug my poor kids along. I remember the first time I pulled up to the Kingdom Hall with my kids. My son read the sign....." Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses". He began crying , "Jehovah's Witnesses? NOOOOO! What about Christmas and my birthday?" I should've turned around and went back home right there. I was missing the friends and association I had with the witnesses, but as soon as they wanted to reinstate me, I realized that it was not what I wanted. I would be comprimising what is in my heart, and I would be living a lie, I just couldn't do it. I know this is a difficult time for you and I am sooo sorry for what you are enduring, but I think you know in your heart what you need to do. Good luck and best wishes to you. You have many friends here and we are all here for you.
• 

  defd

  Sass:
  
  

  But I kind of owe it to my family, just to make this little effort.

  Sass , it is JEHOVAH God and Jesus that is owed a little effort. That is alot of peoples problem, they are not in it for Jehovah.

  D.