I guess what I meant is, that I need to at least make an effort. I'm realising even now that I won't be upset if it doesn't work, but in twenty years or so when my folks are dying, I want to know that I did at least try to make things better between us, even if they didn't, for all the reasons we understand. I've given up on most things in my life too soon and I know where to draw the line with this one.
If it works, I don't expect anything to change at all... I expect that of the thousand acquaintances and former friends, I will re-establish contact with three I love dearly, and it won't be the same even then. My siblings will always despise me for 'what I have done to the family', but we'll go back to the minimal contact we had before I did my thing. What I'm going for is the right to phone them up without them hanging up on me, and the right to be involved in important family matters without the poison that is currently directed at me. There's nothing else I expect I'll get.
I don't want a witness social life, I don't want elders visiting me to see how things are going. I just want to be able to call my folks up a couple of times a year; enough to still be a daughter, but not enough for them to know how I feel about The Truth.
I think you're extraordinary Jez. Of all the witnesses I ever knew, it was those who had been reinstated I liked the most; they're the ones who wanted something enough to fight for it; whether it was because they actually believed it, or because they wanted their people back, doesn't matter to me. I just respect that they had the strength to keep fighting.
