Thinking of getting reinstated? Read my story.

by Jez 51 Replies latest jw experiences

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  findingmyway

  Jez,

  I am sorry for the anguish you've had to experience. I appreciate your openness and I agree with you completely. This is one of the many reasons why I know that I will never pursue reinstatement -- especially, not for the sake of my family (been there, done that). I have evolved so much -- spiritually, mentally, emotionally -- that everyone that I once knew will not recognize me. We will have absolutely nothing in common. I have too many doubts and questions and they will not be able to handle the issues that I have with the WTS. I look at these people today and I can't relate as I once could. I don't even know them. They have no souls (for lack of a better word). I look them in the eyes and there is nothing there. The fake smiles mask the confusion that I know for a fact plagues them. They sit there with blank looks on their faces as they listen for something humorous to be said to keep them awake and prevent their minds from fading to the other concerns that weigh heavily on their minds (laundry, what to cook for dinner, setting the alarm to get up for work the next morning, etc.).

  There is nothing and no one for me in the JW corporation. Thanks for sharing.
• 

  tfsm

  It just breaks my heart to see people go through this. Hopefully your story will have some influence on others in similar situations.
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  willyloman

  Jez:

  I just came across this and read it for the first time. This is one of the most powerful posts I've ever seen on the forum. It packs a wallop. I have no doubt your experience will find its way into many hands and will save a lot of people the heartache and agony you were forced to endure. When I was a dub, I saw this same scenario repeated over and over again. Reinstated JWs were put on "probation" by the rest of the sheep, sometimes for months or years. In many cases, the reinstated one NEVER qualified for full membership, in the eyes of their judgmental "brothers and sisters."

  It's just more evidence that "love is an identifying mark of the true religion" in no way applies to JWs, even though they insist that it does. It further shows how unChristian and unloving is the practice of disfellowshipping. All that crap about it being "a loving provision of Jehovah" is just that, crap.

  It sounds like you're stronger for the experience, so good luck and thanks on behalf of all those who will benefit from reading your story.
• 

  Jez

  To findingmyway and Willyloman:

  Thank you very much for your words. I really did hesitate to put this out there, as I know my SIL might still read this site and 'check up' on me. I love her and I hope she knows that what I did, I did for her. I hope our relationship can grow into something different from this and that someday we will be able to talk about our lives and the experiences within them, openly and honestly. Even though this ordeal has bumped our relationship into the thistles, I hope it is temporary.

  I did not need them to punish me. If they had shown true love from the beginning and not punished me, rather guided and counselled, I would not have left them. That is the bottom line. To be reinstated, and walk back into that KH, where all those people punished me for making the best decision I ever have in my life, is more than I can bear. To be friends with people that can profess to have love, but are bound by manmade rules to not display it to those that need it the most, is now, more than I can bear.

  You are right, findingmyway, I don't recognize those people anymore and the funny thing is...that thrills me. I see right through them from the front, the side and the back.

  Love to all Jez
• 

  Crumpet

  Thanks for posting this part of your ongong story in such detail Jez- I hope it proved theraputic to share it and i am in no doubt that it is helping others see without the JW blinkers.

  I'm wondering if I met you at Englishman's BBQ during your months holiday in the UK. Were you the stunning woman in white?
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  Jez

  Hi Crumpet, No, I was not the stunning woman in white, although I am stunning.

  It was good to release this story, organize it into words and paragraphs. Helps to put it into perspective and I just kept thinking during this whole ordeal, "others MUST be going through the exact same thing, I have to tell them my experience."

  Jez
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  searching4truth

  just read this post and its very inciteful. sorry you had to endure it.
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  BabaYaga

  Jez, your story was perfectly phrased. I think that any of us who read it can truly envision it as it happened.
  
  Thank you so much for writing this... and WHAT a reminder.
  
  Thank you.
  
  Love,
  Baba.
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  Quandry

  I am so glad that I was able to read your post. I was not on the forum when you originally wrote it, so never had the opportunity of reading your story. You are articulate, eloquent and skillful at writing. I know that when it comes from the heart, deep down, it comes with much pain. But I hope that your sharing it has taken some of the burden of holding it in away.

  It seems that even though the "scarlet letter" can be taken off the chest, the imprint is still there and the congregation still sees the outline and treats you accordingly.

  One would think that an organization that prides itself on being Godly in love in imitation of God and Jesus would want to expend itself in helping to keep sheep within the fold, not view them as "rotten fruit" worthy only of the garbage bin, constantly reminding them of the precarious state they hold dangling above the can of refuse.

  Well, rest assured that Jesus does view us as worthy since he died for us, and calls us precious.

  I hope that you have put your writing skills to good work. Have you completed your education? Sounds like you would have an easy degree in English-either Writing or Literature!!!!

  Great to get to know you from your post. Hugs to you.
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  sass_my_frass

  I forgot that I have not ‘proven’ myself yet. I did this because I love my sister in law and her children. Sadly, it did not improve the relationship like I had hoped it would. If anything, it damaged it. I trusted her with every single piece of me. The truth about me was too much for her to handle, to accept. It felt like I had to be what she wanted me to be, in order to be accepted fully.

  Yeah I made an attempt at reinstatement, and towards the end of that somebody posted a similar story about what happened when they were: nothing really changed. I knew that mum wouldn't be happy until I was a singing preaching fully-committed JW, out there making conversions. I wondered how long I could play the game. I'm so glad it's over now, because even if I'd been brilliant at it and it had been easy, I would never have real relationships with these people again. Firstly they'd never forgive me, they'd want a lifetime of grovelling apologies. But mostly, we wouldn't be a real family and my old friends wouldn't be actual friends, they'd just be the same sad clones I was only ever able to have shallow conversations with. That's the harsh way I've gone and it took the pain away. I'm not actually missing out on anything with this shunning thing.