How many here were mistreated by their "elder" fathers?

by hubert 31 Replies latest jw friends

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  Billygoat

  Oh yes. My father loved to hit us. He even had a large wooden paddle that he'd bring out, and tell us to bend over the couch. We had to grab onto the back for dear life and try not to make a sound until it was over. If we made any noise sometimes he'd start over. I can remember many a time hiding bruises from the middle of my back to my knees when I changed for gym class. I don't know why, but I was terrified that anyone would see them and report my Dad.

  ((((Effervescent))))) I think you and I grew up in the same household. My father did that to me with a leather belt. For as long as I can remember, I got spanked with that belt. He got off on the clinking sound the buckle made, thinking it was funny to make it clink as he walked down the hallway to my room. And when he really wanted to jack with me he folded the belt in half and "whapped" it, pushing it towards the center and then snapping it back out again, making that awful noise. I used to sit and cry just in anticipation of the beating.

  But the worst thing about my father's "discipline" was that he made me completely unclothe myself for the spanking. Until the age of 16 - old enough to drive, mind you - I would get beat by my dad's leather belt completely nude. Whether I was on my monthly period or not, my father made my completely undress and make me stand over my bed, head pushed into the bedspread holding me down with one hand while he beat the tar out of me with the other.

  It wasn't until years later in talk therapy and heavily medicated, that a therapist told me that my father was actually considered a sexual abuser. Although he never sexually touched me, he got off on humiliating and controlling me in the nude in a masochistic way. And by any standards that's considered sexual deviancy and he should have been legally charged for it.

  Why oh why do I miss that monster on some days? And why oh why didn't I do more to show the CPS who my father really was. I see myself type these words and can't help but wish his soul to burn in hell forever. Bastard. What a damn bastard!!!!!!!!!!
• 

  thom

  My father was an elder most of the time I was growing up. I guess I'm lucky, reading other's experiences. My father was always a caring and loving father, always had full control of his temper, never hit me or abused me or my brother in any way. He raised us the best he knew how. Raised us as JW's, of course, but always kept everything within reason and did not allow others to tell him how to raise his kids. Even now, though he can be irritating (can't we all?), he's an excellent father to me and I can only hope that I've learned from him how to be a good parent.
  I feel very fortunate.
• 

  Undecided

  
  This was back in the 40's and early 50's. My dad was very loving but on ocassion would give us boys(my brother and I) a whipping. I guess we probably deserved it. When I got to be a teenager I could do about anything I wanted, he trusted us by then and I could date worldly girls, play on the school basketball team or about any thing else I wanted to do. I had a happy time growing up, but I felt the pressure to pioneer during my summer vacation and usually did, although I had a worldly friend that I associated with almost all my free time. We lived in the country and he had his mothers car that he could drive whenever he wanted and we went out together almost every night that I didn't have meetings, to movies, dating, playing pool etc. I had a great life back then. We are still good friends and he still lives on the old home place where we grew up. We respected each others religion, he was a Moravian and still is. When I told him about my religious fading he encouraged me to go back. He still is a Christain believer.

  I still look back on those days and wish I could do it all over again.

  Ken P.

  PS. He was the pillar of the JW congregation back then, the overseer untill he died in 1955 at 45 years old.
• 

  sammielee24

  Does the organization really lend itself to a healthy, happy, family unit? The husband/father is expected to be the head of the household according to the WT guidelines. In reality, every aspect of your life is governed by the WT and you spend every waking hour trying to live up to those standards. I did not abuse my children in any way. I personally don't know of any elders that abused their children BUT now that I am 'out' I can see how some actions of some of them could be damaging emotionally and mentally. I know of men who once married, took full licence over the term and ruled the roost with a mix of selfishness and pride. Taking the lead. Showing strength. And in those families where wives served Jehovah through obeisance, these men lived lives where they were never wrong in anything.....................None of it is healthy. How can it be? When an organization teaches it's members to cast off their own family members if they are not of the same faith, it teaches it's members to be cold and emotionless and encourages distance. The society teaches it's members to love with absolute condition so that it becomes easy for a mother to abandon her son, for a father to disown his daughter, for children to bury their parents - all in the name of the Watchtower and under the guise of doing whats right by disfellowshipping. Normal parents and children could not sever the bonds of love so quickly and so easily - the organization does not lend itself to strong, loyal and healthy relationships.
• 

  hubert

  Well, I guess I opened up a can of worms, here. (Unbelievable) or is it?

  Hugs.....(((((( Effervescent, Lady Lee, Billygoat))))) and others, too.

  Hubert
• 

  Effervescent

  Billygoat- I've never heard of anyone else who's Dad did the snapping thing with their belt. My Dad LOOOVED that. It got to the point that he would reach for his belt buckle (this by the way was when we were much younger before he moved to the paddle) and thats all it took for us to start crying and grovelling.

  I completely understand about the whole "still missing him" thing. My whole life until about 20 yrs old revolved around trying to get him to be proud of me. I finally understood it wasn't possible. He was just an extension of the Society's policy of "You can never do enough". I haven't heard from him in years, last time I talked to him it was for him to tell me he wouldn't be attending my wedding. A good thing really... I wanted to ENJOY my wedding.

  Also, I absolutely agree with your counselor about it being a form of sexual abuse. He felt the need to degrade women and you were an easy target. Why is it we were so afraid of the abuse being found out when we were younger??? At least that was my experience. I can remember friends seeing my bruises and wanting to notify a teacher and me BEGGING them not to tell. I just knew in my heart that it would be worse for me if I did.

  The upside is, because of this, I can really appreciate what a warm loving family is. I LOVE my life now, and even HE can't take that away from me!!!
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  theinfamousone

  the father is told be the authority, in charge, the king, the head... it says nothing about the fact that often the father cannot and should not be the person in charge, that he is often messed up in the head himself!

  mmy father was a psychopath himself! he beat me, often to the point of unconsciousness... left me in so much pain so many times, and and broke my ribs... he was unfaithful to his wife, he was a shit head to say the least... anyways if youre interested, heres a poem i wrote that really emphasizes my fathers way of being...

  http://www.paintedperfectly.com/article2594.html

  i think the society pushes them to be messed up and abusive...

  the infamous one
• 

  Balsam

  theinfamousone,

  Makes me hurt for you reading your poem. Reading all this really makes me understand why kids just turn their backs on their parents and never have anything to do with them. It is no telling how many JW kids have endured this from their Dad's and Mom's. No one should ever experience abuse, it is just wrong. I am so thankful that my ex never hit on my kids he always saved that for me. And thankfully I finally had sense enough to get out when the hatred was getting to that point. He wasn't an Elder when our children came along but he was a very rabid witness and we all had to toe the line.

  Balsam
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  alamb

  Sexually abused for 6 years. He didn't stop. I moved out. He is still emotionally abusive. He now takes it upon himself to shun me...as being unworthy of his love.
• 

  Aude_Sapere

  My siblings and I were.

  Police removed two siblings from the home and there were other police interventions. Early on, neighbors (in a different) state knew of abuse but never reported it. 15-20 years later they talked to me (now an adult) about the abuse they witnessed (beatings with a 1x2 on the front lawn was one type of abuse) and somewhat apologized.

  None of us had even a semi-normal childhood.

  My dad was a respected, admired and loved elder. Presiding Overseer from 1974 - 1976, I believe.

  Cults Suck.

  -Aude.