Do you have an Evil Streak? (page 4)

I did take his toothbrush and scrub around the taps a little last night.... Does that count.
I didn't feel very angelic then... I felt positively satisfied though!

It's certainly moving towards the 'self concious vigilante' stage..... I suggest lots of alcohol first, then see if your evil twin can really start to party !!! I'm sure there are lots of other places that the application of a tooth brush to could bring a wicked glint to your eye !! Mwah ha ha!

Suggestions on the back of a post card please....!

Bull!

dezpbem

Hi Misspeaches

You said"My friend wants to leave him around 50% of the time but then he gets all schmoopy and stuff and she forgives him." Good idea to keep watchful. That getting "schmoopy" stuff after mistreatment is a classic way abusers keep themselves "in". It doesn't have to mean he is one though.

Would you say the following sounds like you?

Many people depend on my help and generosity.
I take more pride in my service of others than in anything else.
I need to feel important in other people's lives. I like people to need me.
I seem to have personal radar for the detection of moods and preferences of others.
Each of my friends brings out a different part of me.
I am attracted to difficult relationships.
I don't feel that I have that many needs.
I believe that gaining approval is equal to gaining love.
When I have time off, I frequently spend it helping others.
Having a sense of personal freedom is very important to me.

Dez

misspeaches

Yes Richie! You do.... You come here and learn this nasty boy a lesson for me...

misspeaches

Would you say the following sounds like you?

Pretty much but not the bit about I am attracted to difficult relationships.

Why have you something insightful to share with me??

dezpbem

Why have you something insightful to share with me??

Hehe! Maybe. If you are in fact a "giver". Here's a TON of basic info on a giver.

Givers are one of three personality types that focus on the emotional center. The primary dillema of the emotional center is shame. This can express itself as not feeling worthy enough, feeling like others don't love me as I am, etc. If it could speak it would say "Well i'm just not good enough for others to love me as I am. So I need a way to be more loved and needed by others." And so the 3 emotional types are 3 different strategies for filling this need to be more liked and loved. They are the giver, the performer (achiever), the romantic/artist.

The giver attempts (unconsciously) to get love by being so helpful to others that you couldn't live without them (at least in the mind of the giver). The performer fills the gap by gaining achievements to make themselves more wanted/liked. The romantic (aka tragic romantic/artist) thinks "If only I could find that special someone to complete me, then I would be happy." These are 3 different ways of filling the void of low self esteem. There are 3 intellectual types and 3 instinctive (body centered) types. The other centers have a different central issue for their types.

It's not that a giver has no self-esteem. It's that self-esteem is conditional. The condition is "I must be a good person; I must be helpful to others; I must deny my own needs".

Here are some descriptions of givers;

If you play the part of the Giver, your life will revolve around people and relationships. You will move naturally toward others, empathizing with them, supporting them and being helpful. You see the best in others, both as they are now and as they could become. While noticing the needs of others, you may have a sense of not having any needs yourself. What could you need? It is others who need you. This is your passion of independent pride. But underneath your pseudo independence, you may discover that you are seeking the approval of others. In fact, there may be times when you recognize how needy and dependent you really are. Even your identity and your generally high self-esteem comes from the opinion of others. In a relationship with that special person you may become like them, sharing their interests and activities, merging with their likes and dislikes. Later you may question who you really are and what your true identity is. You are often upbeat, emotional, and enthusiastic. You may be the center of a social scene or philanthropic endeavor. On the high side you are genuinely helpful, caring and supportive. You are the power behind the throne. On the low side you tend to be needy, clinging, manipulative, even hysterical. Some Giver images include Daddy's girl, the classic Jewish mother and obsessive lovers.

Twos are driven by a need to be loved, to be needed, to be appreciated. To get that love, they express love and devotion more freely than most: they become helpers," interested in the welfare of others, and in doing things for others.
Their love, however, is not truly free; they expect repayment. Often they establish dependency relationships which art in effect, a form of bribery to get the love they so badly need. Twos are usually unwilling, even unable, to acknowledge that all their efforts to please and gratify are motivated by their own strong needs for love and approval.

Possible origins. Twos were the children who were loved for being pleasing. They quickly recognized the qualities in themselves that were appealing to the different adults in their lives and learned to put on a performance that met those needs. Another common scenario is reported by Twos whose sensitivity to the needs of others developed because they had to support their parents emotionally. Others recognized the manipulative possibilities of becoming indispensable and loved, and used their seductive abilities to extract what they needed from other people.

Flawed Twos become too involved, over-extend themselves in the service of too many good causes, befriend and advise too many people and wind up feeling burdened and physically worn out. They may feel that they are not properly valued. Twos are attracted to power and do not waste time developing relationships with those below. The need for love can degenerate into a need to control, expressed in the form of manipulation. Twos are masters at creating guilt in others while maintaining their own righteous positions. They may martyr themselves, ostensibly putting themselves in the service of others while unconsciously resenting those others.

As managers they will alter temperamentally, at times wanting to be liked by employees, at times feeling burdened by their presence.

Well-Adapted Twos, those who have learned to love without necessarily being loved in return, are unselfish, considerate, and genuinely loving. They are altruistic and frequently serve real needs in the world. They will be found serving on fund-raising committees, working with charitable organizations. On a personal level they are compassionate, thoughtful, and ready to help.

Well-adapted Twos see the potentials in people. They are sensitive to bringing a new person into the group. They draw people out. They also become capable of accepting anger in themselves when it occurs and using it as a basis for asserting their own needs. They stop cloaking themselves in selfless and powerless virtue, and free themselves to use power directly. They become less likely to do a slow burn and more likely to surface problems as they arise.

Generous, Demonstrative, People-Pleasing, and Possessive
Giver, Caretaker, Helper, Nurturer, Advisor, Manipulating

Pride with the fear of being
worthless, useless, dispensable or inconsequential.

In a search for higher will, the attention of the Two goes to flattery,
other's needs, the one who can meet their needs and being helpful.
Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved
Basic Desire: To feel loved
False Claim: "I have no needs. I only care about yours."
Four Adjectives: Caring and generous, but possessive and manipulative.
Self-image: "I am helpful."
Compulsion: To help. Always giving to others
Avoidance: Their own needs
Paradox: Giving more to others does not bring freedom and fulfillment for yourself, and being cut off from an awareness of own needs prevents you from obtaining the freedom and fulfillment you desire.

Healthy, average, and unhealthy givers (aka "the two personality type");

Healthy: Empathetic, compassionate, feeling for others. Caring and concerned about their needs. Thoughtful, warm-hearted, forgiving and sincere. / Encouraging and appreciative, able to see the good in others. Service is important, but takes care of self too: they are nurturing, generous, and giving — a truly loving person. At Their Best: Become deeply unselfish, humble, and altruistic: giving unconditional love to self and others. Feel it is a privilege to be in the lives of others.

Average: Want to be closer to others, so start "people pleasing", becoming overly friendly, emotionally demonstrative, and full of "good intentions" about everything. Give seductive attention: approval, "strokes," flattery. Love their supreme value, and they talk about it constantly. / Become overly intimate and intrusive: they need to be needed, so they hover, meddle, and control in the name of love. Want others to depend on them: give, but expect a return: send double messages. Enveloping and possessive: the codependent, self-sacrificial person who cannot do enough for others — wearing themselves out for everyone, creating needs for themselves to fulfill. / Increasingly self-important and self-satisfied, feel they are indispensable, although they overrate their efforts in others' behalf. Hypochondria, becoming a "martyr" for others. Overbearing, patronizing, presumptuous.

Unhealthy: Can be manipulative and self-serving, instilling guilt by telling others how much they owe them and make them suffer. Abuse food and medication to "stuff feelings" and get sympathy. Undermine people, making belittling, disparaging remarks. Extremely self-deceptive about their motives and how aggressive and/or selfish their behavior is. / Domineering and coercive: feel entitled to get anything they want from others: the repayment of old debts, money, sexual favors. / Able to excuse and rationalize what they do since they feel abused and victimized by others and are bitterly resentful and angry. Somatization of their aggressions result in chronic health problems as they vindicate themselves by "falling apart" and burdening others. Generally corresponds to the Histrionic Personality Disorder and Factitious Disorder.

Don't let the "unhealthy" giver description throw you off. All the types have various levels of functioning. An average giver is unconscious of their motive for giving. The motive id to get in return. But consciously they tell themselves "I give out of the kindness of my heart". Also a major problem for givers is the repression of negative thoughts and feelings toward others. It comes out as either stress/anxiety or passive-aggressive expressions of anger.

Now that i've given you a book to read, lol, i'll end this chapter. What you wrote just made me curious about what type you are. There are 9 basic personality types and 3 instincts.

Dez

Do you have an Evil Streak?

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