Here’s a little background: My mother is a JW, my father is not, my sister is disfellowshipped and I have faded away.
My father has an abdominal aortic aneurism. This is a weak spot on the wall of the major artery leading to the lower extremities. It will balloon out and burst eventually killing him without assistance. My dad was considered high risk because he also has heart disease and the doctors felt that surgery is risky. My blood phobic JW mother successfully persuaded my dad to have a less invasive intravascular surgery done where they put a stint into the artery to help brace it and thus effectively buy a few years on my old mans life.
Yesterday was the day of the surgery. My mom and dad left home at 4:00 am to be at the hospital at 5:30 am. I took the day off work and went to the hospital to be with my parents for the day. My sister, her husband and I left my house at 4:40 and arrived at the hospital about an hour and one half later.
The day started off on a bad note and went down hill from there. When we got to the waiting room counter the receptionist told us that my father had not checked in yet. This was a surprise for us because he should have arrived before us. After a few telephone calls and sitting around in the waiting room for about thirty minutes my mom comes in and informs us that they just wheeled him into surgery. Apparently they had been there for some time and the receptionist wasn’t very capable of performing her duties worth a shit. So, as a result we didn’t get to say hello, goodbye, or I love you to our father before they put him out.
About ten minutes later the information desk announces that my mother has a visitor. My mom goes over to the desk and I see a gentleman in a suit with a briefcase and some kind of ID badge. She brings him over to us and he introduces himself to us. I can’t remember his name so I’ll call him Cody. Well Cody sits down next to my mother and it takes me about three minutes to figure out that this guy is a JW.
We got the page that my father’s surgery began around 7:00 am. It was scheduled to be a three hour operation but they had some complications and had to do some additional work. As a result he didn’t get out of surgery until 1:00 pm, six hours later. The entire time he was in surgery my sister, her husband, and myself were, for the most part, completely and utterly ignored by my mother.
Cody was a nice guy. He was there to support my mother and that he did. He hung on her every word and she lapped it up. For over six hours their conversation consisted of sign language (my mother is an interpreter), the new system, Kingdom Halls, or the Watchtower. I was at my wits end and there were two or three moments where I was on the verge putting my bearded face within an inch or two of this guy’s nose and telling him to get lost.
To make matters worse, while Cody was sitting there reading his WT another “brother” who was there for his own family, decides to come over and introduce himself. He said “I saw you reading your WT and wanted to say hi.” I told my sister “they’re coming out of the woodwork today, aren’t they?”
Cody was bad enough but when this other guy came around it was just disgusting. I overheard them talking amongst themselves about some “brother” who was in the military before he joined the “truth” and how people with military backgrounds make great brothers and sisters because of all those years of training to take orders to obey. “That ability to take orders carries over well into the truth”, the stranger said. Yes, these are their words not mine. I was sitting there listening to them say these things and asking myself, do they hear what they’re saying?
At one point when Cody and my mother were talking about blood alternatives and blood derivatives, Cody was explaining to my mother that a tetanus shot had blood derivatives. He was saying that some of the medical options were a “matter of conscience”. My mother then proceed to say “why don’t we have a special meeting or they teach us about these things?” At that moment I became infuriated. I couldn’t listen to my mother ask for someone else to take control of her life like that so I just blurted out “Why don’t you just read your bible?” To which my mother replied “The bible doesn’t say anything about blood derivatives.” “Exactly!” I responded.
Bottom line is that my mother had plenty of support there for her. She didn’t need Cody hanging around all day. My sister and I were also there for our father. We would have gone regardless, but when my mother totally blew us off for this stranger we both felt totally unappreciated and unloved.
I didn’t get home until 8:00 pm. I began telling my wife the whole story. I didn’t think about this until she mentioned it but Cody was there to intervene with the blood issue if necessary. If I had realized this while I was there that perhaps I would indeed have told him to leave.
I guess the positive news is that my dad's surger went well. He spent the night in an ICU but has now been moved to his own room. I spoke to him today and he seems to be feeling well. So I guess in the grand scheme of things that it was indeed a good day.