Unlearning

by Narkissos 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • Narkissos
    Narkissos

    The experience of unlearning, I guess, is part of any human life, but is something we particularly have in common as xJWs. Once upon a time we knew it all -- the right and the wrong things to think or to do -- and then we had to unlearn somehow. Give up beliefs, ideas, prejudices, attitudes, etc.

    The discussions on this board suggest that we all had -- and have -- different ways or strategies in unlearning. Some seemingly were able to forget almost overnight about all they had learnt since childhood, as if they were waking up from a bad dream; others followed a much slower and more gradual path, negotiating and exchanging ideas one by one as it were, perhaps keeping some items (such as belief in God or in the Bible) out of the negotiation, at least for some time; some felt the need of conscious provisional syntheses along the way, or deliberately settled on a new non-negotiable set of ideas, others were content with professed "agnosticism" (in the broad sense of the term = ignorance) and drifting with the flow of life and ideas. Moreover we unlearn more or less deeply (ideas or patterns of thinking and behaviour for example).

    We have strategies because we meet resistance, sometimes around us but mostly in ourselves. As we unlearn we all have to cope with some sense of loss or being lost, perhaps worthlessness. How do we deal with it?

    I feel attempting to describe our unlearning procedures, methods and strategies (and by those words I do not mean they are always conscious and deliberate, in fact they rarely are) would be very interesting and helpful to ourselves and others. Especially this could help to better understand what is really at stake in some of our endless discussions of JW doctrines and policies.

    So, how did you and do you unlearn?

  • under74
    under74

    When my mother left so did I (even though at 12 I didn't believe). My mom told people for a long time that when she left some of it had to do with me at 15 asking her questions she couldn't answer and refusing to speak to elders....but I know there was a lot more to it. For me, "unlearning" came at an early age--- I guess it was being around other people or non-JWs...when I realized people could be even better individuals than the JWs I was brought up around it got me thinking...and then rebelling.

  • daystar
    daystar

    It's interesting you bring this up. I've been thinking around this subject recently.

    For me, there just came a point where the house of cards began to come tumbling down. I had been "out" for a few years and studying other religions, philosophies, physics, psychology, esoterics, etc. No doubt that I was searching for answers, having been ousted from the only "Truth" I had ever known.

    I began to realize how many differing, more or less equally valid, opinions there were about God (or lack thereof), life, death, the Universe. Since I had lost my religion, I was lucky enough to have no real dogma through which to judge these differing opinions. Or at least, less of one that I had in the past. If the beliefs I had held as Ultimate Truth all of my life are questionable, so is everything else!

    At some point, I really just cracked open. I realized that while no one was wrong, everyone was wrong. There was real madness involved. It was frightening, to say the very least.

    I know that I'm still "unlearning". It wasn't until just a few years ago when I confronted that meek, non-confrontational part of me that lets others walk all over me. Well, I'm fairly certain I've "unlearned" that part of me.

    I don't know where my path is taking me. I really don't care, as long as it's my path and it's free.

  • AlmostAtheist
    AlmostAtheist

    Since most of what JW's teach revolve around the Bible (or at least claim they do), when I threw the Bible out, most of the things I needed to unlearn went with them. 90% was overnight.

    But there are some things that are more cultural. Paranoia, for instance, hung over me for some time. Not wanting to let "worldly" people into my heart was a tough bit to get over. Gina seemed much better at that, so I followed her lead on it. Now I'm basically over it.

    Dropping the arrogance was hard. I was absolutely 100% right in my beliefs, and now I believed something else. It took conscious effort to remember that these beliefs are questionable and nobody is 100% right about anything. (I love that some part of me believes I've 'dropped the arrogance'! LOL!)

    Dealing with a world with no clear answers to thorny questions is a new challenge. I still don't have a clue where I stand on abortion, for instance. The unlearning here is unlearning that absolutism that suggests there is a clear right and a clear wrong and I have enough information to decide which is which.

    Dave

  • ICBehindtheCurtain
    ICBehindtheCurtain

    For me it has been a gradual journey, like peeling away layer upon layer of ingrained beliefs and ideas, of course quite frightening and painful at times. But when I found out about the NGO coverup, that began opening my eyes, and made me wonder what else has been covered up, I didn't want to believe it could be possible that Jehovah's organization could do this, I first hoped it wasn't true, just something that apostates made up, but the truth of the matter became clear. That was over 6 mos. ago, now my sons both say they always had doubts about the religion, the younger one once asked when he was about 6 years old, how it is that we know for sure who wrote the bible, since it was supposedly written so long ago he said "How do you know someone didn't just make stuff up and put it there?" Ah, young minds, so uncluttered and unbrainwashed.

    Today he says, you see I always knew there was something wrong with all of this, and yes he was absolutely right.

    IC

  • ICBehindtheCurtain
    ICBehindtheCurtain

    Oh by the way, I forgot to share a poem I wrote on this subject,

    Down the Rabbit Hole

    At first there was contentment,

    Answers to questions

    For millenia asked

    Acceptance of a way of life

    Rules to follow, schedules to keep

    all piled into a neat little heap

    Order, organization

    Eternal life, instead of eternal damnation

    Then one day

    The questions began again

    Only now, there were no answers

    To satisfy by brain

    So began this journey

    Down the proverbial Rabbit Hole

    To find out who the "Truth" had stole

    IC

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    I mistrusted my intellect for a long time, as my stupid intellect convinced me to stay with an abusive husband. Brainy doesn't equal smart. The reawakening of my intellect was a long process that started with:

    • I started reading books of all flavours again.
    • God's shoulders are broad enough to allow questioning.
    • God made me with a brain that questions, don't fear it.
    • Test the theory out in practice. If the practice fails, there's something wrong with the theory. Revisit the theory.
  • gumby
    gumby
    and then we had to unlearn somehow. Give up beliefs, ideas, prejudices, attitudes, etc.

    This is my first opportunity to prove Nark wrong cuz he's always right....so here I go.

    Now then.....you don't "unlearn" something.......you re-learn. If you unlearn, you forget what you learned......like some bastard with alzheimers or sumthin. If you relearn, you still remember what you learned previously, but you learn to do/view correctly.

    Now....lets see ya prove me wrong on this one

    *struts off like an Los Angeles pimp*

    Gumby

  • gullydwarf
    gullydwarf

    How much pain could i have avoided if i'd found a resorce such as this site when i 1st left the jw's, i had so much crap in my head that i couldn't even consider unlearning, i just knew that it was wrong. So i didn't try and the drugs and alchohol ment i didn't have to.

  • Effervescent
    Effervescent

    I think that the process of "unlearning" or "relearning" will be different for everyone, depending on your temperment. For me, it was a matter of one word- "time". Even when I reached that one defining moment where I decided that there was more to life and faith than this... I still had those JW propaganda movies playing in the back of my mind for years. Many times I didn't even know I was still carrying over JW attitudes or thought processes. It took time (years) and gradual exposure to new ideas and giving myself room to explore new ideas and ways of thinking. I can't even tell you the year that I finally got rid of the last of the internal propaganda. It wasn't until I started regularly reading this board that I started realizing how far I had come.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit