by stillAwitness 87 Replies latest jw friends
THAT'S What depresses people, me included...His apologists say He "hears"...but in the rudest of fashions He never replies.
U/D and Stillawitness, remember how the OT quotes God as having said, "My words will not return to me until they have accomplished all that I have purposed for them to do...." (or something to that affect)??? God's words haven't returned yet and He doesn't now have words to reply with. Yall need to look for signs. He uses signs to answer. Really.
I don't think there are any easy answers to the spiritual crisis you are having. As others said, I also believe the answers are in your own heart, not from any pulpit or stage. For a JW, this is easier said than done, as you've been taught that you cannot rely on your own heart and mind to figure things out. But like any muscle... your free thinking abilities will become stronger with use and excersize, and I think you're on the right track... just give yourself time.
You mentioned you still live at home and this is the reason you still have to attend meetings. I can imagine there are financial reasons for you having to be there that are beyond your control. Maybe for your own sanity it would be best to sit down and map out your "escape" so to speak. Set realistic goals and milestones for yourself to work your way out of the house... moving as far away from this congregation as you can. With each milestone you can see progress toward freedom, and this may help put a positive spin on your outlook.
Good luck with everything.... really, you're doing better than you think- You're questioning, not just accepting!!!
I'm not sure if this will help, but have you looked inside yourself for answers? I've found that religion always teaches us to reach out to the unseen, and although that might bring comfort in some cases to lay our problems at someone else's door, we neglect that we ourselves are made of sterner stuff than most religions want us to believe. And I mean religion in general...I'm not dissing JWs.
Depression in a lot of cases is misplaced anger. Since you can't lash out at whatever it is that's enraging you, it becomes twisted and refocused as sadness within you. It's an impotent emotion.
This is not an easy time for you...I know from experience. ::HUGS:: But find out from you just what makes you happy and start reclaiming that happiness. I'm so sorry to hear that you're seeing this vast gulf before you and don't know what fills it. Just try to remember that it is not empty...it is filled with whatever you want to be there. Maybe you could tell your family that you need some time off? I don't know what your circumstances are, but I worry for you...is there anyone you can go talk to? I hate to always say therapy therapy therapy...it's not always the answer, but it can be a good compass direction, a touchstone if you will to get some perspective on just what's going on around you.
but i mean is this all there is?
I can certainly understand the sentiment. I have often had problems even a bit deeper than that. For example, even if I were to find some "purpose"... what is the purpose of purpose? I think that is something I am not meant to discover just yet. In the meantime... is this all there is? I think a person might try to look a bit more closely at what there is.
Visit nature. Really visit nature perhaps.
I think part of what the meaning of life is, are the experiences of self-discovery. There is so much to learn, so much to see, so much to discover.
FB- that's cool...however I'm no longer looking for nor need "signs".
It's all here...
I can't and won't ever worship a deity that plays games...and requires MENSA-like intellect...but then creates me inadequately.
It's like "god" wants us all to understand DOS when we're all Mac's...
But thanks for the thought. I'm glad it works for you.
Wherever "it" is that we're all going...we'll all be there...eventually... and this will all be settled once and for all.
u/d(of the content with what "god" has given me class)
Sorry to hear of your stress.
This fear of death is the Watchtower training. You don't want to go the meetings and you don't believe what is said. In the back of your mind your training kicks in and you hear whispers... "Without Jehovah... Without the Tower... you are dead!"
You need to relax. If you have to live at home then just realize that you are paying rent by spending 4 hours a week in a boring seminar. That shouldn't be too bad.
I hope you find some peace.
Bryan
Then don't worry about death. JWs are so fixed with it! Destruction, salvation, death death death. It's not the point of life. The point of life is yes, go, get knowledge, satisfy your hunger for learning, if its your cup of tea, go find a woman to be with, to satisfy your hunger for intimacy, love, association, go have children, if it satisfies the want for 'immortality.' But all of this comes down to be happy. I'm not speaking of hedonism here...but since no one has come back from the veil to tell us just what happens after we take our last breath then we have to assume that this is all that there is. Should this make us sad? I guess it does for some of us...but it just helps me to appreciate all that I have around me. If I only have one shot then I want to live my life to the fullest, growing and learning and helping and living. Living for jeezy-chreezy's sake, not waiting for an ACT OF GOD that may or may not ever come...and in turn losing my soul bit by bit, because I'm not feeding it what it needs.
/end rant
u/d
thats how I feel
Religion has always been there to give me all the satisfying ansewrs. But now that I know it can't be trusted whose gonna ansewr my questions?
Yep, it's a little disorienting when you realize you really don't have all the answers. But it passes when you grasp the fact that you NEVER had the answers -- you just thought you did.
Now that you know there's no Santa Claus, that doesn't mean you'll enjoy the presents less, does it? It just means you're understanding where they really come from.
You might decide that they come from another god, not the Watchtower god. Or you may conclude there's no god at all, and the presents you enjoy in your life are just random luck, and the reward from the people around you for being a decent human.
Even if you're not leaning toward atheism, you might benefit from the discussion Big Dog started a few weeks ago: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/100666/1.ashx
Take care,
Dave
I'm just so petrified of death. It honestly keeps me awake at night. Is there something wrong with me? Could it be a real phobia or something?
Stilla, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Part of what keeps us all from doing stupid things is a healthy fear of death. I also find it highly unlikely that you've developed a phobia, as a serious phobia would be all consuming and impede you ability to be a fuctioning member of society (my wife is a psych student). I think you have some legitemate concerns. You are losing your safety net of beliefs you have been given since birth and, as of yet, do not have a replacement for them. You have also had a fairly rude reminder of mortality. I promise making the break is the hardest part. Aside from the trauma of leaving "friends" & "family" (there is a reason for the "") I have found the world to be a warm and welcoming place. You will be amazed at the opportunities that are open to you. There is more to life than serving a religion.
That's my 2 cents, hope it helps
Big Willy
