Do you still *want* to believe? (page 2)

GoingGoingGone

For the longest time, I didn't believe, but still wanted to. I wanted to be able to remain a JW in order to have a 'united' family, but it was tearing me apart. I read the publications, attended all the meetings, and read my bible... but I couldn't get what I read in the bible to agree with what the JWs taught. So, in a last-ditch effort to remain a JW, I quit reading the bible completely and just read the publications. Finally couldn't stomach any more of it, and thus began my 'fade'.

I've never felt more free, ever.

GGG

mrsjones5

Oh hell no! It was such a relief to finally confirm that it is all a big fat lie, why would I want to put my head back in my a$$ like that?

IP_SEC

I have to admit this one caused a bit o depression for me. Realizing there was no paradise on the way... sucked. I finally made my peace with jehovah, told him what I think of him, and a lot of the wanting to believe went away.

I dont, nor do I want to believe anymore.

matt

Cygnus

No. Life is far more interesting and awe-inspiring than crediting it to an imaginary invisible grandfather-figure in the sky.

atypical

At this point, I struggle with the question, Is ignorance bliss? Since I have only recently studied both sides and opened my mind, I have struggled with a wide range of feelings. knowledge is a terrible power. I am glad I have the facts, but it is very hard to have a lifetime of beliefs crumble in just a few weeks. So many built in fears and guilt trips. I wonder if I will ever be able to watch the news without getting that feeling of dread that Armageddon might be here. Also, always struggling with how much to say to my family and friends. Do I let them go on if they are happy? Or do I blow away everything they believe in and risk them not being able to recover? Even though I know logically that many things are not actually wrong (holidays, etc.), will I ever be able to just live a normal life without feeling guilty if I am wearing green and red during christmas, or just saying happy birthday?

I am ashamed to say this, but I guess if I could believe and have a peaceful, happy life, I would choose that. The problem is, for me, I don't think that was ever possible. Believing meant believing that I was never good enough, and while I am not cursed with an inflated ego, I also struggled with the thought that I was a horrible sinner deserving of death.

How's that for a convoluted, flip flop of an answer? I learned from the best.

fullofdoubtnow

I am only just out of the org, and I still sort of wish I could believe it were all true, but I know deep down it isn't.

Narkissos

Inasmuch as I still want to be and live I still want to believe.

What I want to believe is another question.

PoppyR

I would rather have remained "ignorant" and been able to live normally and happily

This is SO true, my mother who is the ultimate in guilt tripping said to me the other day that i needed to think of my children.. and I just had to be honest and say to her I wish with all my heart she had given me at least freedom of choice.. which is what I intend to do with mine. I just thank my stars every day that I just got wise whenI did, but I have wasted the best 20 years of my life (16-36) by not getting an education, getting a crappy job, no mortgage, cos why would you want one? No pension.. need I go on? But when I read Crisis of Conscience I felt so sad for the Franz couple and others who literally gave their life, no children, nothing. So no I dont WANT to believe, I still find myself half in and half out, that is I've stopped attending meetings etc, but cant quite shake the 'was it the truth' thing.. and I know it takes time. However the intense freedom and happiness that came the first time I finally realised that not only did I not have to do this anymore.. I didn't have to feel guilty about not doing it either!!

poppy x

onacruse

On the mental level of existence: NO...I can think myself out of my brain, thank you very much!

On the psychological level: YES...I must believe in something.

On the sociological level: YES...I must have a connection with other human beings, whether I want to or not.

This last is, for me, the most pertinent.

As an example: Remember the days when we had congregation picnics?

Effervescent

I don't think I ever had a firm conviction or belief in the JW doctrine, which was far worse to me than anything else. To have doubts about the "Truth" but to still feel the guilt of indoctrination. Alot of stress left my life when I realized that it was ok for my beliefs to be a fluid and evolving thing.

So no... I wouldn't want my brain bound by their limitations.

Do you still want to believe?